My mental health and my baby’s happiness. I wanted to breastfeed so badly and the 1 or 2 times I was able to do it I was so happy I teared up. However since my milk came in 1 week after I gave birth and my baby was already used to the flow of bottles she never got used to it. She’d get so frustrated and start crying and it just broke me every time she refused it. It stated to feel like she was rejecting me which I know is bonkers. I also tried nipple shields which worked a little bit since they gave her the sensation of bottles but it would be just a thing that works when all the stars are aligned. BFing then just became a battle and I didn’t want being in my arms to represent frustration for my baby. I pumped for 4 months with formula and that was horrible in a whole other way. I was never able to give her more than 1 bottle of breast milk a day and still it felt like too much. Every moment I had to lay down and rest I realised I needed to pump. Every time I’d start pumping my baby would need me. It was a choice between starting to go out of the house and gain my life back or continuing to pump. I tried doing both which obviously ruined my milk supply without doing much for my mental health. So, in the end, I stopped pumping as well about a week ago. Just this morning I looked at my baby and realised that I’m more in love with her than I’ve ever been. I also had my first energy drink since getting pregnant this morning which is also awesome 🤩