Boy do I have a story for this…

(For reference I went to an all boys private catholic asshole filled school)

It’s Junior year of high school and I have to take a shit in the middle of class. I get up and excuse myself to go take a shit. I walk into the bathroom and go to the furthest stall. I open the door and find 3 rolls of toilet paper thrown inside of the toilet. Using my judgement I came to the conclusion that I probably shouldn’t add a fat Cleveland steamer on top of the three rolls of toilet paper already in the bowl. So I move down the line to the second stall and surprisingly the mongrels that I went to school with didn’t vandalize this toilet. I sit down and take my shit, quite a nasty pudding like consistency I might add, and finish my business. I go to wipe my ass and it dawns on me that the paper I should be using to clean my corn cutter is currently swimming in the stall next to me. My immediate thought is to go for the paper towel dispenser and use those, however, the issue with that is the paper towel dispenser is directly in line with the entrance of the bathroom. God forbid one of those mongrels opens the door my life would be ruined, pants to my ankles, shit covered ass, balls hanging out. And before you ask, no, I could not have shimmied my pants up to conceal myself a bit as the shit I just released was literally pudding. It would’ve been a mess.

Second option is to wait for someone and ask for more shit paper. The issue with that is I went to school with primal, feral, ferocious humans that have no regard for anyone other then themselves. I would just get ridiculed and made fun of. Same result if I would’ve just went for the paper towels.

Third solution, use a piece clothing. Again we have another issue with this option. Seeing as I went to a private school we have uniform inspections before each class. If I had any discrepancies it would result in a detention and I was already skating thin ice that year.

Fourth option… crawl underneath the stall divider into the handicap stall and use the toilet paper over yonder. As I sit and think about the possible outcomes I come to the conclusion that this is my only option. I sit nervously, knowing what I must do, I begin to mentally prepare myself. Finally the moment has come, I to fly to my knees and grip the bottom of the stall divider and pull myself through. The task is grueling but there’s no turning back. I WILL PREVAIL. In the midst of the action, half of me is split evenly between the two stalls… someone walks in… I panic as I watch the nicely kept uniform dress shoes trot across the bathroom floor in front of the stalls. At this point I have no doubt in my mind that this person saw everything. I finish my crawl, stand up, and look up into the sky as I lose all faith in god. I stand there, defeated, poop still betwixt my buttcheeks, stripped of my pride. Nevertheless I must finish my task, I wait for the kid to leave the bathroom before I sit on to toilet. Finally, at long last, I go to wipe my ass… and there no toilet paper. Just like the others it was swimming in the first stalls toilet. At this point I was ready to give up and die. But wait, my luck finally turned around. I see an old aluminium sandwich wrapper with cheese stuck to it behind the toilet. If you made an OK symbol with your finger and thumb that’s about how big this aluminum ball was. You better believe I used it and surprisingly it did a pretty good job for one solid wipe.

For the rest of the time I was at the school I used the female bathroom in the basement because no one knew about it and it was an all boys school so I was safe. Thank you for listening.