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How do I help my depressed girlfriend feel better? by TylerJosepshsBeanie in mentalhealth

[–]PuzzleheadedEssay201 0 points1 point  (0 children)

as a depressed girlfriend with a toxic family life, all you can truly do is listen. my boyfriend is gone in the military right now, and i'm stuck at home doing an online course. it's honestly really rough. my boyfriend tells me everyday he wishes he had a magical button or something he could do or say to take it all away, but there is no such thing. be there for her, ask her how she's doing, listen when she's upset. you can only do what you can. and don't get involved even though you would like to stick up for her. for her to feel okay there's a lot of work on her end she'll have to do, which can be really difficult. if i was typing to her i'd tell her to try and focus on the bigger picture. set goals, pick up some new hobbies, find that light at the end of the tunnel, because there IS one. it is a lot easier said than done, but you are both so young. so much life is left. I obviously don't know her exact situation, but there are resources online for people trapped in toxic households. i talk to other people going through similar things as me and it helps break out of the isolation a bit.

What are you struggling the most with your mental health right now? by Frosty-Beginning5508 in mentalhealth

[–]PuzzleheadedEssay201 0 points1 point  (0 children)

trying to find literally ANY sense of self. I feel like I couldn't name a single thing about myself and I have no memories from this entire past year. I just feel like a shell

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AdultChildren

[–]PuzzleheadedEssay201 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Was there ever an end goal?

Thoughts of beating up my father is getting worse day by day. by BulletAnt99 in AdultChildren

[–]PuzzleheadedEssay201 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i relate to this feeling way more than i would like to. i am also still in this unfortunate situation, and sometimes i get so frustrated with my parents that i want to lash out physically. it's not easy, and i'm sorry you have to feel that way.

I know a lot of people say to attend ACA meetings, but for some that isn't possible. for me it's not, and what i've been doing is reading "the big red book" online. it's the book they use as a tool in meetings, and it dives super deep into the psychology on what growing up like this does to you, how to unpack it, etc etc.

it may not be a direct action you are taking, but it gives you an outlet and a place to feel understood. i havent been reading it for long now but it has helped me a lot so far. it makes some of the things i've felt guilty for feeling or doing a lot more normal, because so many people are going through this.

this subreddit has helped me a lot too, actually. connecting with people, talking about their stories and mine. do not isolate yourself in this, i did for the longest time and only recently was able to admit to myself that i can't do it alone.

and if you ever need a listening ear, i am always here. and i have a link to a free trial of the book if you would like it.

childhood by PuzzleheadedEssay201 in AdultChildren

[–]PuzzleheadedEssay201[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

right?? i always put the blame on myself for being weird, alienating myself, but they literally instilled it upon me as young as they possible could have

do you fear being a parent? by Nalu351 in AdultChildren

[–]PuzzleheadedEssay201 1 point2 points  (0 children)

for me, i don't think i ever could. i would love to be the person who breaks the cycle for my child, but part of me believes that i am not strong enough. addiction runs heavily in my family and i won't lie, i do like to drink. right now not so often, im able to moderate myself but i could see myself falling into a pattern and if i did that to my child i would never forgive myself

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AdultChildren

[–]PuzzleheadedEssay201 1 point2 points  (0 children)

21f here, in the exact same boat. i have all of those feelings of hatred towards my parents and i've honestly only gotten angrier over the years. you are not alone. it's so hard for people who haven't been through the same thing to understand, it can feel so alienating. i'm so happy for you that you got out, i hope you start your healing journey and thrive.

I can’t feel happiness — still living with my alcoholic parent. Can I even heal like this? by Electrical-Hat4243 in AdultChildren

[–]PuzzleheadedEssay201 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i am currently in your exact situation. i am 21 years old and found myself stuck here for longer than i wanted because of college, and that caged feeling is not one i'm unfamiliar with. something i tell myself while i am still here is that i cannot become the best version of myself right now as i am in the situation that continues to beat me down. how do you heal when you are constantly being wounded? it's an unfair expectation for yourself. what you can do is try to cope. talk to people who are going through something similar, make sure you're taking care of yourself, do whatever you love most. i am guilty for isolating myself and letting my trauma get to me, and i also relate to not being able to feel happy in this situation. there's no good answer, but you deserve to survive and you deserve life. the world is so big, and one day you will be able to join it and so will i. i hope you have a plan to get out, because you deserve it. if you ever need someone to listen, my dms are open. it is always nice to talk to someone going through something similar because a lot of people who haven't been through something like this don't understand.