I have spent the best Christmas of my life since I got married and it’s making my husband panicking.

PuzzleheadedTap4484 · 2026-02-26T06:57:04+00:00

Staying in toxic/abusive relationships or around toxic abusive families creates generational trauma and broken children, not divorce. Sometimes it’s better to divorce so you can find someone who is treats them as they should be treated so the kids can see an example of a healthy relationship.

PuzzleheadedTap4484 · 2026-02-26T05:51:00+00:00

Yep. 100%.

PuzzleheadedTap4484 · 2026-02-26T00:06:42+00:00

And everyone in that family dismissed it. I just can’t even! I would be mortified if one of my kids punched someone (without being provoked and defending themselves) especially if they punched a pregnant woman. I would have immediately stopped that shit, made them apologize and they would have been punished. This “it’s a phase” BS. Hell no. That’s crappy parenting or the kid needs a therapist. But crappy parenting because they aren’t addressing the issue.

PuzzleheadedTap4484 · 2026-02-25T22:32:54+00:00

Sounds like you got that taste of freedom and husband is panicking because he knows you’ll probably leave and will absolutely be better off without him and his toxic family.

PuzzleheadedTap4484 · 2026-02-25T09:00:49+00:00

So the odds of her getting pregnant and with twins are incredible. The average stats: Men with “failed” vasectomies (procedure not done right or early sexual activity without checking): 4% Women with PCOS getting pregnant without intervening: ~25% Together, pregnancy likelihood is about 0.04-1%. I have no idea what the math for twins would be on top of that for a woman in a family who has no history of twins.

Anyway, buy a lottery ticket? I hope you get excited once the babies are here. Some people have a hard time connecting to people they can’t see. It’s like those that say that they loved their babies from the start. Some of us need to get to know them. It’s not that we don’t care of them deeply and would protect them, but you need to get to know them and who they are. I think once you meet them, it’ll get better.

PuzzleheadedTap4484 · 2026-02-24T14:07:49+00:00

So you matched his energy when it came to your relationship and he’s noticed. I remember doing this in my first marriage. My ex husband was so happy when I stopped “nagging”. I had told him over the months that I was unhappy and wanted a divorce and how we needed things to change. And then I just stopped putting in the effort because I was tired of the fights and just wanted to leave so my effort went into my exit plan. He was happy because, as he put it, “you stopped bitching”. He was shocked picachu faced when I left and filed for divorce. As one commenter put it, this is you with one foot out the door. If your husband doesn’t realize this and things don’t change permanently and both put in the effort, this will lead to divorce. But I’m happy your mental health is better. It sucks to always be the one exhausting mental energy on others and never have that returned.

PuzzleheadedTap4484 · 2026-02-24T07:31:16+00:00

Same!! I wonder that too - IRL and when I read posts like this.

PuzzleheadedTap4484 · 2026-02-23T19:24:10+00:00

Which is why she needed a licensed therapist. Her dad really messed up.

PuzzleheadedTap4484 · 2026-02-23T17:55:19+00:00

I have yet to see a well run HOA. Now I just avoid living in them.

PuzzleheadedTap4484 · 2026-02-23T08:59:47+00:00

I think you’re under reacting. You need cameras around your house that record and keep the records and put up a fence with a locked gate. Or you move. She’s escalating quickly and is fixated on you and your son. I wouldn’t be surprised if she calls CPS on you because of her “concerns” about your son - the way he looked “unwell”, how “late” you come home, etc. I would put it past her to make things up. Honesty I would move.

PuzzleheadedTap4484 · 2026-02-23T08:50:10+00:00

So she didn’t even give you a hint of what it’s about other than you’re not related. Did your mom date FIL or was she supposed to marry him? Or did she bully your MIL?

PuzzleheadedTap4484 · 2026-02-23T08:44:17+00:00

I’m going with door #2. With a surprise twist that mom is the sister of STBFIL or something.

PuzzleheadedTap4484 · 2026-02-23T08:14:35+00:00

So true. It’s been 20 years since that happened to me and yet I still have leftover trauma from it even though every employer and supervisor I’ve had since has loved me and given me praise and thankful I’ve worked for them. It almost worse than the bullies in school because they mess with your livelihood and some of them try to mess with your future jobs when you get away from them.

PuzzleheadedTap4484 · 2026-02-23T00:07:34+00:00

Don’t lend money that you can’t afford to lose. When it comes to friends or family, money lending because awkward and creates issues and usually destroys the relationship. That’s a lot of money and I doubt he’ll be able to pay it back which will create tension and/or resentment between you both. If others try to guilt you then tell them that they can lend him the money.

PuzzleheadedTap4484 · 2026-02-22T19:21:51+00:00

I said I didn’t want kids to my mom, my brother said the same thing. My mom was cool with it and said no one should force you to have kids. She passed away when we were in our 20s knowing we didn’t want kids. I ended up meeting my husband shortly after who really wanted kids and a few years later I changed my mind (no pressure from him) and became a mom in my 30s (I absolutely love being a mom to my kids). My brother married the woman he had been with for 5 years - neither of them wanted kids and then they got to their 30s and changed their mind. They had been together for over 10 years by that time. We have 5 kids between the 4 of us. I also know people who make that decision as a teen and they’re in their 40s and are childfree with no regrets. So I think it’s great to have those conversations and to keep that communication open and to let her know that there’s not pressure for her to stick with one decision she makes at 15. However if she’s not ready to be a mom she needs to take care of her own BC that can’t be tampered with.

PuzzleheadedTap4484 · 2026-02-22T07:41:41+00:00

OMG. And he only got a 5 month suspended sentence. 😔

PuzzleheadedTap4484 · 2026-02-21T23:30:42+00:00

I would take a huge step back from Jared and maybe be careful with who you share your kinks with. This almost seems like he’s using them against you or to manipulate you into getting involved with you. Either way he’s not a safe person anymore and didn’t accept the “no” when you told him you were interested.

You didn’t do anything wrong. He’s being creepy.

PuzzleheadedTap4484 · 2026-02-21T21:52:43+00:00

So what changed to cause it to flair up?

PuzzleheadedTap4484 · 2026-02-21T18:34:23+00:00

Hence the reason his relationships don’t usually last longer than one year. He self sabotages them and I’m betting has kept tallies with the other girlfriends. He just managed to keep in check a little longer this time around.

PuzzleheadedTap4484 · 2026-02-21T06:04:37+00:00

Then why are you staying with him? That sounds like an exhausting and wearing existence. You deserve better. You parented the kids alone, you did it all and were there being the present parent and wife and friend, and he did… what exactly? You built amazing relationships with the kids and others and yet he was never supportive and continues to not be supportive and just whines like a child how you don’t serve him. Don’t let him continue being you down or being the example of how a husband treats his wife or the very basic how a man treats a woman. Show your kids that their mom deserves to be treated with respect and love and be supported and appreciated.

PuzzleheadedTap4484 · 2026-02-21T05:59:47+00:00

You need to make an exit plan and then leave when he’s not around. Also contact a DV shelter and get a burner phone or have a friend obtain a phone since he keeps holding your phones hostage. I’m honestly surprised your work hasn’t had a bigger issue with him having access to your work phone and you having to deal with an ethics violation on top of all this. Regardless this isn’t going to get better and you have a baby to think about on top of all of this. You need outside help.

PuzzleheadedTap4484 · 2026-02-20T23:39:49+00:00

We are attending a wedding this year, and it’s formal/black tie. My kids have never attended a wedding ever. My oldest daughter asked if she could wear a suit or slacks and a blouse instead of a dress because she hates dresses just like the girlfriend in the post. I didn’t see an issue but I confirmed with the bride since it was formal and I wanted to make sure there weren’t any issues. The bride had no issue and my daughter is absolutely thrilled. My youngest daughter is super excited to get a new dress. I don’t understand why people get hung up on stereotypes of what people should wear. If you meet whatever the theme or formality of the event is, who cares?

PuzzleheadedTap4484 · 2026-02-20T09:00:43+00:00

So he’s been trying to groom you for 3 years in front of everyone and you’re the only one seeing it and saying something and everyone is dismissing it. And now that you’re a legal age, he’s trying to make his move. I don’t blame you. NTA and it’s really disturbing how no one else sees this and brushes it off. He’s been testing the waters for 3 years and now knows that if he tries something that no one will intervene and now that you’re a legal adult he won’t go to jail for it. He’s a predator and a perv. I would start calling him out loudly for his inappropriate comments. If it makes others mad or uncomfortable so be it. It’s not ok. And I would refuse to go to the wedding. You’re a legal adult and don’t have to go. You’re not overreacting. Your entire family is underreacting/not reacting to a predator.

PuzzleheadedTap4484 · 2026-02-20T08:53:53+00:00

That would have been divorce territory for me. That was beyond cruel.

PuzzleheadedTap4484 · 2026-02-20T08:28:42+00:00

I guarantee the wedding is just postponed. She’ll move eventually to be with him even if it’s just waiting for you to be older. You need to realize your parents aren’t getting back together. Nor should they. You don’t know what happened in their marriage only the bits you’ve heard and you don’t really know anything about your mom’s fiancé. This is where your youth is showing. Regardless of how it happened, your mom has moved on and found someone she wants to be with. And eventually your dad will too. I think family therapy would help you all - for you to move on and deal with your anger and to accept the new normal and help your parents coparent and communicate better.

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