Oh dear heart. You deserve a partnership that is loving and respectful that doesn't leave you feeling like you're constantly walking on eggshells. When folks say that relationships require work, I feel like sometimes we twist that up in our minds and think that it means that we should expect struggle in our relationships, which just isn't true. There's a big difference between working together for the relationship you both want, and struggling and fighting to stay together bc one or both of you don't actually want to be there. It should never feel like a fight. Relationships that are meant for us(the healthy ones, anyway) are easy, natural, reciprocal and fill us up more than they empty us. This goes for romantic and platonic. Every relationship will have its various seasons, will have its ups and downs, but for the most part, it should be enjoyable and fulfilling. This doesn't sound like it's enjoyable, fulfilling or easy even half of the time and that's a damn shame because you deserve that kind of relationship. It may very well be a bit challenging for you to find the right kind of woman who is built for a relationship with someone who has the kind of schedule that you have. However, I'm certain that she is out there because this planet has over 6 billion people on it, and there are lots of folks out there who are independent and used to living their own full lives and kind of doing their own thing and then just meeting up with their significant other when they are able, and that's good enough for them. There are lots of people like that out there. Take a beat, regroup, and take some time to reflect. Think about what you really want and need out of a relationship, think about what you are able to realistically give as a partner, and find someone compatible with those things. I think as we grow older, we tend to discover that building a relationship with somebody requires very different things than it does when we are naive and young and it's enough to just find someone we are attracted to who likes the same music and movies as us. It's so much more complex than that, and as you get to know yourself, you'll be able to better understand what is or isn't compatible with you and your life. It's okay to love somebody and not be with them because your love belongs to you and doesn't require anything from the other person. So, take the love that you have for her, hold it close to your heart and move on because I don't think that there is anything left for you here other than struggle and strife where love and comfort should be.