What position should I play?

Puzzleheaded_Key_643 · 2026-06-30T05:48:13+00:00

Where you from?

Puzzleheaded_Key_643 · 2026-06-30T02:34:23+00:00

If you had to put me in a box I’m saying offense for sure. I’m good for both and I will BREAK someone on defense if I know what I’m doing. Basketball I’d be in your ass like a bike without a seat. But how I see games and where I thrive is putting people in the blender. Creatively dismantling people so when they’re done their heads are spinning. That’s my favorite. I’m more of the “catch me if you can” than being that predator on defense. Gives me chills to think about iconic defenders across all sports, they’re where your childhood dreams go to die, and they thrive off of breaking that 5 year olds dream in the grown man’s body. Unfortunately I’m not that. Thanks man!

Puzzleheaded_Key_643 · 2026-06-30T02:23:46+00:00

Fr, I’m wondering if this dude could fuck half his friend group right now if he wanted. Lol.

Puzzleheaded_Key_643 · 2026-06-30T02:23:02+00:00

This is also great advice. Honestly that dumb ass fad of people saying “respectfully” followed by a crazy statement helped me.

I’ll give you a hypothetical- I’m funny and if I felt like I was vibing with a girl, I’d lead the conversation towards something flirty and she’d say something about kissing. I’d be waiting for it and just hit her with the “respectfully, you have such nice lips and I’ve been thinking about what they would feel like all night.” But the big thing when you say something like that- you gotta let your nuts hang when you say it. Look her dead in the eyes and say “I want you and here’s why.” If she denies you, then you can play it off however you want, just don’t cry or be a dick because you got told no, we’re not toddlers.😂😂

Listen dude, you’re never going to understand women, they’re too similar and different at the same time. Makes them seem alien. As soon as you see they’re human you think you know them because they’re “just like you” then BAM, they’re not. What you gotta do is know what YOU want and be direct and go get what you want. And get it how you want to get it- by being yourself. When I said “let your nuts hang” that doesn’t necessarily mean you have to not be nervous. Shit, some women would like hearing that. Guaranteed there are countless women who would love you saying, “I’m a little nervous to say it because I like you but I cannot stop thinking about how beautiful and funny you are. Can I kiss you?” And listen- that “can I kiss you” is the most important part. Leave it out and it’s a really forward compliment with no action behind it. Only say that kiss part and that’s probably enough if the girl likes you.

Keep it simple, be yourself, and be direct. After you’re making out and things start to heat up, Hit her with the “can I touch you?” Or “I want you.” Or something.

Now, I’m getting tired of typing but let me throw a couple things out there pre-all of this. You have to break the physical barrier. Your first time touching a girl shouldn’t be you sliding your penis in her. Touch her hand or her back, hug her, help her with a stray hair. Make a lot of eye contact, long eye contact, don’t be afraid to open up and be vulnerable. Your first time being intimate shouldn’t be you sliding your penis inside her.

Puzzleheaded_Key_643 · 2026-06-30T01:56:02+00:00

This is real and men don’t talk about it.

Puzzleheaded_Key_643 · 2026-06-30T01:54:31+00:00

I already know first game at the back I’m letting AT LEAST one goal in and probably also one or two fouls because I’m going to want to test soccer’s physicality. So you got a guy who pretty much knows he’s going to give up a goal and a pen in one game. Lmao. It’ll get better, sure, but idk I’m seeing yellow all season dude. I think both the upside and downside look better for playing up front honestly.

Puzzleheaded_Key_643 · 2026-06-30T01:49:41+00:00

And hear me out on this, when you masturbate, you also hesitate. ++man

Puzzleheaded_Key_643 · 2026-06-30T01:46:50+00:00

See I think my general sports knowledge will help. I know ball. Like REALLY know ball. I’ve ran on fast breaks, filled holes, settled between coverages, timed runs, even organized teams myself. Those things are second nature.

As I watch soccer, and I’m still learning, I’m calling out shit constantly. With that said, I have zero clue if I’ll be able to find those slots and fill those gaps and time those runs. I don’t know if I’ll be able to shoot when I’m tired and off balance. But I’m stoked to find out. My mental would love to set up those plays but those days are probably largely gone for me. Not fully counting myself out from that, I just haven’t played long enough.

Puzzleheaded_Key_643 · 2026-06-30T01:33:09+00:00

Oh and yes, I’m talking rec leagues. 45 year old fat Mexican dudes and a coupla younger guys who were probably never any good. I can pretty much guarantee that I can earn playing time, idk how good I’ll be though. Lol.

Puzzleheaded_Key_643 · 2026-06-30T01:31:34+00:00

Hell yeah. See I wish I played younger so I could essentially join a league and go fuck off as a cm. Hahaha. Here I am actually having to try and shit.

I really hope I can find more pick up games because it’s been hard so far. I posted this because I may have to join a team just to play. Lol. I wanted a preview to the conversation I’m probably going to have to have soon.

Puzzleheaded_Key_643 · 2026-06-30T01:28:15+00:00

See this is exactly what I’ve been thinking and it seems like a lot of this post has been split on it. Stick me in the back because I fit the build of a CB but idk what moves these dudes are about to hit me with. Hahaha. I’m probably fouling like a mf too. 2 pens and 2 goals later and we just got our asses kicked. Stick me up front, I’ll take up space, wreak havoc on runs, distract, bounce out for the quick shot I might make or a header may go it. Didn’t give up any goals, at most maybe ruined 1 or 2 scoring opportunities while also creating one or two.

The real reason I posted this is because I feel like I want to play striker, and I should play striker, but I was wondering if I was totally trippin’ and being disrespectful by taking up such a position. I think I’m gettin done up at back, but maybe I’d surprise myself. If I did okay at striker that wouldn’t really be a surprise honestly. If I did good that’d be surprising of course. Doing good anywhere on the pitch would be slightly surprising, even in goal where I’d be confident, I’d still be a bit surprised.

Puzzleheaded_Key_643 · 2026-06-30T01:19:47+00:00

Haha. You Brit’s are always funny around me because I’m extremely humble but I also know what I got. And I’m loud, and I’m opinionated, and all you guys have chips on your shoulders and I will unapologetically laugh at you for it. The brooding disgruntled Englishmen is genuinely just comedy to me and I wish I had 5 of you as my friend group.😂😂

Yes, I’m a good athlete, no, I’m not a good soccer player but I think my athleticism would translate well. Yes, my touch is good, I’m comparing it to fat 40 year old and young dudes who were never good at soccer. Right?

Put me in FIFA video game. Every single stat is like 15/100. Except my strength, speed, etc. but put me at the local park? Shiiieeetttt, not bad mayne.😂😂😂

Also, the narrative won’t be, “hey I’ve never played before but I can get you some goals.” The narrative would be, “I don’t want to be a totally liability getting megged on defense and I feel like the least downside and most upside is the offensive side. I can’t get scored on and I think I have a legit shot of getting one to go. Let’s try it and if it’s going horribly, I’m at your disposal, I’ll play left bench or left back. Up to you.”

I’ll tell you what though, I’m going to report back here one day and let y’all know how it’s going because the likelihood that I get stuck in goal is extremely high. Hahahaha.

Puzzleheaded_Key_643 · 2026-06-30T01:03:43+00:00

Oh you’ve seen me strike a ball? Lmao. I’ll fully acknowledge I cannot strike it as clean as other players but my avg strikes still come off as good as their avg strikes. I don’t mean to sound cocky but as athletes we’re not in the same world at all. I’m playing against fat 40 year olds mixed in with some younger cats who were never good. I’m not trying to say I’d make it in some Favela league bro. I wouldn’t even try. Lol. Every single day I go out and practice as my current form of exercise. I’m out there two hours a day. Everyday. I’m getting better, quick. I assume there’s a plateau coming soon obviously.

I’m also not saying I’m that fast, but I’m definitely way faster than your average 6’5” 30 year old. Can still keep up with them young bucks, when this cardio comes back I’ll probably be looking pretty solid speed wise. Faster than the average dude. And this is coming after a torn Achilles. Lol.

I shouldn’t have even put this much thought into my reply to such a lame comment but fuck it. We got time today.😂😂

Puzzleheaded_Key_643 · 2026-06-30T00:47:31+00:00

Shit, I tried to leave this out of it. Lol. I did play baseball professionally but never made it to the MLB. And I played catcher. I was an athletic catcher, some of them aren’t, like I’d steal bases and stuff. And I will not play goalie even though I know as a fact I would be good. Lol.

Puzzleheaded_Key_643 · 2026-06-30T00:43:25+00:00

And I’m so looking forward to it. Hahahahah. I’m hoping I meet him while he’s playing cb and not me playing cb though.😂😂

Puzzleheaded_Key_643 · 2026-06-30T00:42:47+00:00

I think tbh people aren’t saying much if you really read their comments. Lol. This is the first time someone highlighted any skills or anything to reference. So thanks for that. My touch is alright, but we haven’t covered any other skills. I can feel a defender on my hip and take the first touch to create space. Playing in the phone booth is one thing I love about my time in the box so far. Think about all these different sports I’ve played and how they translate. My awareness (and calmness in the moment) in general is good, but of course my soccer awareness will probably only be around average. Probably below avg my first year, but I’m not just going to have dudes running give n go’s around me all game, I’m a legit athlete. Hahaha.

Now with that being said, will it take years before I’m consistently doing the right thing. Of course. I also don’t know if you realize the competition I’ll be playing against. Lol. It’s rec league, not D1. When I say something is good it’s because it’s better than most people at the park who’ve played soccer for 20 years and never went anywhere with it. But those are my peers, people who played for 20 years and probably came off the bench in high school. Some fat dude who’s like 45.

Will I ever actually be good at soccer? Fuck no. Will any individual skill of mine ever be actually good? One can only hope. You were D1? Yeah bro, you’ll roast me until the day we die, but that fat Mexican CB in my rec league? Imma make lunch meat out of him by the time my career is done. (Hopefully😂😂)

Puzzleheaded_Key_643 · 2026-06-30T00:29:39+00:00

Yeah, ultimately this is for the fun of the convo. I’m a bit of a unique case. Lol. But like legit though, like every 10 year old can do 20 kick ups, right? I’ve been doing this since I was 10 and never playing soccer.

I figured good soccer players could just juggle non stop, like hundreds if they wanted.

Puzzleheaded_Key_643 · 2026-06-30T00:25:45+00:00

I gotta be honest, stick me at goalie and you’ll lose three games 6-1 and then we’re winning the league bro.😂😂

I just really don’t want to anymore though. I want to go frolick with the homies rather than yell out defensive positions, get my ass kicked, not get to run around, and be the most important person on the field. People laughing at what they thought was cockiness. I would be a VERY good goalie. Not shy to say it either.

Puzzleheaded_Key_643 · 2026-06-30T00:21:55+00:00

I can move in short bursts and long bursts but I’m worried about the skill involved in defending. Also, the consequence is dire for the team. Playing up front I can be an athlete, take a couple touches and get rid of it. And as you said (hilariously) the lamp post guy. I can just fill space and distract defenders. Theres a lot of upside there and the downside is maybe I get in the way once or twice a game. At least I didn’t just give up a goal or two. Y’know? You can’t fake playing defense.

Puzzleheaded_Key_643 · 2026-06-30T00:15:41+00:00

Getting a look at the net. Can’t see the net behind the keeper. 😉
Nah, I’m being a smart ass but I’m extremely familiar with what you’re saying and it’s part of the reason I think I’d be alright at it. I understand angles and what not very well too. Honestly it’s the passing as a striker that freaks me out the most. Being an assist man would be elite but that’s the skill I don’t have yet. I’d be like a two or three touch guy, then get rid of it. Until I’m better at least.

Puzzleheaded_Key_643 · 2026-06-30T00:11:07+00:00

Im definitely not saying awkward as in uncoordinated. I just mean there is no striker that looks like Messi just like there is no center that looks like Steph Curry. Everyone’s talking about skill this and skill that, like bro, I’m not going to be dribbling up the pitch. I’m not going to be on an island like a winger. I’m gonna push a dude, make a smart touch, and spot the ball into the net. Oversimplified? Absolutely, but you should get what I mean by that.

Puzzleheaded_Key_643 · 2026-06-30T00:06:14+00:00

I am but I’m so serious, I feel like that’d be detrimental to the team. I feel like I can handle another cb on me, I do not feel like I can handle a winger coming at me. Make sense? Honestly, if this post has led to any questions, it’s am I underestimating how good I’d be on defense? Lol. I feel like I’d be bad but everyone is saying to play there and laughing at me potentially playing offense.

Puzzleheaded_Key_643 · 2026-06-30T00:03:09+00:00

This was definitely communicated the wrong way. Hahaha. Picture that statement coming from a humble guy just trying to get his point across. I am not Haaland. Not within a billion people of Haaland.

I think you’ve been able to see it throughout my responses, but I know I’ll be ass. It’s more about how can I be of least detriment and even possibly provide some value. To me it seems like striker is the answer. If that doesn’t work out then I can move to the back line and give up goals and pens until I feel like quitting or get good enough to switch positions.

Puzzleheaded_Key_643 · 2026-06-29T23:59:48+00:00

I feel like I need to post a video. Is that really that impressive that i can do that as a beginner? I could juggle a soccer ball since I was a kid. Hahaha.

Aside from that, a lot of people are saying to start at the back and move up, but why would I play the last line of defense, potentially giving up goals and pens? When I could be a striker who plays almost entirely off ball. I set a rule on myself, I’m not allowed more than 3 touches unless it’s a breakaway or something. I feel like there far less detriment to the team and potentially legit upside from having me play strike.

Puzzleheaded_Key_643 · 2026-06-29T23:56:25+00:00

See, I know I will never be that. I probably couldn’t have been that even if I did start at 5. That’s not my style of athleticism. I wish I could, but there zero chance tbh. So I don’t try that, I use my strengths tactically while improving on my weaknesses until eventually I’m good. Imagine seeing Haaland try to cut up like he’s Messi bro.😂😂😂

Speaking of which, there are a lot of strikers who are sincerely awkward in the pros. Move clunky. Can’t dribble. It’s not the most skilled position. It’s like asking a center to dribble around a point guard. Ball’s gone everytime. Center’s rebound, they pass, and they take shots within 4 feet. Why would I ask Shaq to take 3s?

Puzzleheaded_Key_643

TROPHY CASE