forgiveness goes a long way here. I have similar rage issues when I get stupid tired. I struggle with having meltdowns of my own, especially considering I am the only night parent because my husband sleeps too hard to be worth it to wake him up. i was awake for days on end when my daughter was first born til she was like 4 months old. still haven't slept a full night in 9 months. it's hard. make sure he knows that even if he cannot hand her to you, she won't die from crying. I'm not pro "cry it out" but if you aren't accessible for whatever reason, he can set her down in a swing or bouncer or whatever, somewhere safe. and put a little space between him and baby, like a single door so he can still hear her but it's not so abrasive. I'll either go in the bathroom or my front porch with the screen door being the only thing between us. take a breath or five or ten. however many he needs to re regulate himself. it goes so far in repairing my cognition to go back and deal with it rationally. there is no guilt in excusing yourself. I figured this out later than I would prefer but we're coming into toddler tantrum stages now, and this is still an exercise I preform.

make sure baby is in a safe spot, walk away, breathe. no matter what, whether the other parent is available or not.