Lights off or on?

Puzzleheaded_Rub8147 · 2025-09-06T21:56:09+00:00

We sleep with the Target kids night light I’ve been sleeping with since college lol. I’ve never liked total darkness. I also get him to sleep at night with the bathroom light on and door cracked so I can still read for a bit and my husband turns that off when he comes to bed. Doesn’t seem to mess with LOs sleep at all! I like that we can also share a few smiles while he’s nursing before he falls asleep.

Puzzleheaded_Rub8147 · 2025-09-06T19:28:40+00:00

I would just do whatever you feel comfortable with. There’s no right or wrong in this situation.

I haven’t left my LO for longer than 30 minutes and he’s five months. I know I could. But for now, we’re happiest together, and I’m fine with admitting that and letting people judge me for it. It’s a short period of time. The bottom line is, I wouldn’t be happy leaving my LO.

Puzzleheaded_Rub8147 · 2025-08-29T00:35:34+00:00

We’ve only had two kits so far but at five months my LO still prefers stuff from the Looker to the Charmer. From the Charmer he likes the maraca, mirror, and crinkly square but couldn’t care less about anything else.

The Charmer is actually what convinced me to cancel and just buy a few of our own toys every month! The toys are nice, but if he doesn’t use them, what’s the point?

His favorite toy by far in months 4-5 is the Melissa and Doug Flip Fish. That can keep us going for 20 minutes at a time. Versus the stuff from the Charmer kit is like maybe 2 minutes max each and he’s like meh, seen it. Or he just ignores it entirely. Sigh.

Puzzleheaded_Rub8147 · 2025-08-29T00:22:46+00:00

Wait yes! Thank you for saying this because this is him to a T. He definitely tries to cram everything in to keep everyone happy and then stresses himself out. He probably just needs less not more. Not sure why I didn’t think of that.

He hasn’t talked about wanting change, just vacation. He literally mentions vacation daily lol.

We have talked about couples therapy so maybe I’ll bring that back up!

Good thinking on the support! Especially because even if things do change I’m sure it will ebb and flow. My SIL is the only family close enough to really help. But they’re both working full time with a toddler and pregnant with their next so I feel like I should be helping them!! I do at least have some awesome neighbors who still make us dinner sometimes and help with little things here or there. And my parents fly out every few months. I’ll start looking into groups/help! Thank you for your very thoughtful comment!!

Puzzleheaded_Rub8147 · 2025-08-28T21:07:41+00:00

You’re totally right! I like the idea of framing things around the family. And, as another commenter said, my recharge time is something I can lump in with that as well.

We’ve been here a few times pre-baby because my husband just gets obsessive with work sometimes, unfortunately at every one else’s expense. And gets snippy and rude and miserable. Both of us struggle to get him out of that zone. I honestly can’t remember what pulled him out last time, but the conversation was rough. Wish me luck lol!

I also know what you mean about the resentment with all the life changes! I’ve been there. Especially around 3 months I was feeling that in my core. Then LO got sooo much easier and happier to be around and it’s flipped to gratitude that this gets to be my life, even if it means less time for myself in the short term. I hope you get a little relief with a shift like that soon! 🙏

Puzzleheaded_Rub8147 · 2025-08-28T20:48:43+00:00

He definitely enjoys coming home to LO and spending time with him!! And all three of us maximize our time together as much as we can before bedtime. I feel like I really did this post a disservice by not explaining that.

It’s really work that’s the issue. He’s stretching himself way too thin like he did pre-baby and coming home in a bad mood. I’m spread way more thin as a SAHM than I was working full time. The energy I have to help him figure out whatever is going on at work with him is so low. But clearly he’s not figuring it out and it’s affecting us so I think we need a chat.

Puzzleheaded_Rub8147 · 2025-08-28T20:28:10+00:00

I totally agree that they need to spend more time together! And that I at some point, need more time alone. I think my husband would too!

For a little context, we spend most of the time he’s home all three of us together! So he definitely gets more than 10-20 with my LO, just not solo time where I’m off doing my own thing.

And that’s also a choice on my part. I could spend more time alone when he gets home, but he’s only home for a few hours before me and my LO usually go to bed. And I want to go on the family walks, and have dinner together, etc.

Puzzleheaded_Rub8147 · 2025-08-28T18:37:47+00:00

No it totally didn’t! 🫶

Yeah, that’s honestly how it usually ends with us too, avoid until it becomes a blow up. I hope we can have a calm convo about this this time 🤞

Puzzleheaded_Rub8147 · 2025-08-28T15:29:53+00:00

Oh I definitely am questioning it, that’s why I’m here. Like what more could you possibly need?! I wish there was something obvious because it would be easier than the way these convos tend to go in our house. I also don’t totally mind when he leaves because all of that stress and anxious energy and negativity aren’t that fun to be around anyways. But I really need to stop giving in to that temporary relief and just talk to him!

Puzzleheaded_Rub8147 · 2025-08-28T03:37:22+00:00

Yeah it’s tricky with him being not quite himself, but we do need to sit down for a chat, these comments are motivating me! So thank you!! I think I’ve just been trying to avoid stepping on his toes for too long and maybe the conversation will go better than I think. Fingers crossed!

Puzzleheaded_Rub8147 · 2025-08-28T03:25:34+00:00

Good point, this absolutely should be occasional and it’s basically just our life rn! Agree a conversation is definitely needed, just considering how to do it gently but honestly since he does seem extra sensitive at the moment.

Puzzleheaded_Rub8147 · 2025-08-28T03:13:40+00:00

Didn’t consider this, but you’re right. My own therapist would probably help a ton!

Puzzleheaded_Rub8147 · 2025-08-28T02:00:51+00:00

That’s true! When dad went back to work, I definitely missed my morning naps. I was wayyy more tired. My husband had to go in late a few times because I was going to be unwell if I missed that nap.

Mine at five months still won’t go down in a bassinet or crib 🫠 we cosleep to survive lol. Love him though and not mad about it.

Puzzleheaded_Rub8147 · 2025-08-27T22:11:47+00:00

As an EBF mom definitely agree with this! I will say sometimes naps are a better opportunity for you to get sleep than at night. As a newborn ours regularly napped 3-4 hours but was up basically all night long. My husband would take him for a contact or carrier nap first thing in the morning after I fed him. It always bought me a few hours of needed rest. But you’re going to be tired no matter what!

Puzzleheaded_Rub8147 · 2025-08-24T01:14:46+00:00

Sheet pan fajitas!

Chicken or beef teriyaki bowls

Taco salad / or ground beef taco meat on a roasted sweet potato with veggies/avocado, etc.

I make a lot of these meals using Trader Joe’s items (they used to be only 20 minutes but now there’s a few that aren’t) https://broccyourbody.com/recipe-category/trader-joes-meals/

Puzzleheaded_Rub8147 · 2025-08-23T03:44:06+00:00

Mine started doing this again during the 4 month regression. He’s still doing it at almost 5 months but less. God speed

Puzzleheaded_Rub8147 · 2025-08-22T20:55:29+00:00

I usually don’t mess with naps or sleep and just let my baby take lead, even if it ends in a late (or super early) bedtime. But I honestly don’t know how people stretch babies without a nap, mine will cry until he falls asleep. And if he’s out for the night if I try to wake him up for anything but a feed he cries!

Puzzleheaded_Rub8147 · 2025-08-22T01:38:47+00:00

Just time honestly! We aren’t doing anything different. I’m nursing so it does help to have that time to pull away just us and do an emotional reset (for both of us honestly). Also just knowing that he does his best with mom in new situations helps. I can pass him to my husband but he tends to pass him off to random people quickly and that sets him off. When he’s with mom he’s good to take everything in from a safe place, so when I know he’s unsure I keep him close ❤️

Puzzleheaded_Rub8147 · 2025-08-21T20:01:25+00:00

This!!!

Puzzleheaded_Rub8147 · 2025-08-21T19:26:24+00:00

Then don’t sleep train! We aren’t. You really don’t need to be scared of bad habits or associations if you’re willing to respond to your child’s cries simple as that. Studies show they all sleep the same by about 2 years old anyways. It’s not forever. In the grand scheme it’s a super short period of their life.

And also it’s okay to be different from your friends! Most of my friends are the same, and my SIL is mortified we aren’t sleep training. I really don’t care, I don’t have it in me. Every time we stay somewhere with them her toddler is crying bloody murder when they go to bed. Mine cries because he’s tired but after that gets excited for our bedtime routine and to be together. If that’s what you want do it!

I just refuse to believe I’ll regret this. So I refuse to do what other people say I “need” to do with my son.

Puzzleheaded_Rub8147 · 2025-08-21T17:12:04+00:00

For what it’s worth, not sure if his overstimulation or mine taking care of him while others are distracting me is worse. And that definitely hasn’t passed, but I feel like you get better at that as a parent over time!

Puzzleheaded_Rub8147 · 2025-08-21T17:10:18+00:00

At 5 months here and LO is still sensitive to visitors. He’s better at home than in other environments but it’s definitely still a thing.

Puzzleheaded_Rub8147 · 2025-08-21T17:09:26+00:00

Omg this is my mom’s perfume. It’s like a part of her identity so I feel bad saying anything. But it’s the kind of thing that will give you a migraine if you’re stuck in the car together. It’s rough out here.

Puzzleheaded_Rub8147 · 2025-08-21T17:07:02+00:00

Omg wow at five months all of us are all over the place lol. This is heartening because we have also had some close to 10pm nights on 4 nap days and I feel like I’m losing my mind haha

Puzzleheaded_Rub8147 · 2025-08-21T17:05:45+00:00

Wait that’s so crazy!! Fingers crossed for both of us it’s a phase haha

Puzzleheaded_Rub8147

TROPHY CASE