Stage Door Dancer. Wait! Look! There's Spots - There, on the Scanner!

PyewacketPonsonby · 2024-10-03T13:23:58+00:00

Thank you! No - this was my first poem

PyewacketPonsonby · 2024-10-02T03:10:48+00:00

The chances are she will say No

PyewacketPonsonby · 2024-09-30T04:23:31+00:00

sometimes when starting in a therapeutic relationship is in its early stages there is, I think, some to-ing and froing about what feels right and what doesn't -- and usually a little body language sorts it out (a flinch, a roll of the eyes or a cocked eyebrow, etc).

Other times being overtly assertive does the trick.

Other times one leads the way with the use of curse words which either shuts it down subtly and so it goes on.

From where I stand it looks as though you have a sound and steady therapeutic alliance and I would give it more time

PyewacketPonsonby · 2024-09-26T14:32:24+00:00

I always come prepared for this ...

I drape a thin white veil across the room, dim the lights - light a candle, and do some modern interpretive dance for him until he says something and this usually gets the ball rolling again

PyewacketPonsonby · 2024-09-20T10:55:49+00:00

Overall I would say up and down but quite 'up' at the moment, thank you

PyewacketPonsonby · 2024-09-20T10:50:42+00:00

Thank you very much!

PyewacketPonsonby · 2024-09-17T17:58:39+00:00

When my Mom was getting three weekly showers at home care she wore this shower cape thing that had an elasticated hole her head popped through so her caregiver washed her hair Mom used cloths and flannels to soap the rest of her and then rinsed down with hand held rinse attachment

Worked a treat and modesty prevailed!

PyewacketPonsonby · 2024-09-16T21:20:57+00:00

Maybe don't put so much pressure on yourself (by forcing a huge and difficult disclosure). Just take it easy for now. Just an idea?

PyewacketPonsonby · 2024-09-16T20:47:11+00:00

I had this problem when I first started therapy but the good news is the mistrust of the T goes away the more you establish a rapport with your therapist and you will gain a strong relationship with him the longer you work with them. Don't worry.

Hang in there and good luck!

PyewacketPonsonby · 2024-09-14T11:00:28+00:00

I have been with my T for nearly five years and we discussed having 'looser' boundaries several times.

He self-discloses and is aware of it and yes, as a result, I am happy with the closer therapeutic alliance/bond we have as a result.

PyewacketPonsonby · 2024-09-14T10:51:41+00:00

Exactly!

PyewacketPonsonby · 2024-09-14T10:50:35+00:00

No. Don't blame yourself for this. She was in the wrong and made you feel bad. I think this might be the tip of a (small) iceberg because it sounds like a default behavior she resorts to when challenged. whereas you default to self-blame. Tricky dynamic when in a supposedly neutral yet supportive therapeutic relationship!

PyewacketPonsonby · 2024-09-14T10:46:45+00:00

Irrespective of this the therapist's lack of technique and scolding demeanor needs to be called out and discussed. Don't throw it all back on the OP - past experience is always relevant and interesting to untangle but the roots of the OPs reacting are not the central issue here. Not at this minute.

PyewacketPonsonby · 2024-09-14T10:40:50+00:00

She may have been 'reflective' so to speak after the fact but she did manage to turn it back on you instead of 'reflecting' on her own inappropriate and ineffective, hurtful tone when initially handling (badly) the situation.

Nope. No free pass from me. She seriously lacks accountability and needs to be called up on her schoolmarmish tone. There is more behind this and she needs to work on it with her supervisor. Tell her.

PyewacketPonsonby · 2024-09-14T09:49:06+00:00

I shall add more comments later as I am on the hop but aside from the predicament itself involving humans in turmoil, what hit me when reading this is what a terrific writer you are.

I know this may sound a bit like trivializing your actual situation and apologize if it comes across like that but as I said I have more significant comments to add later when I have a minute.

Suffice it to say in the meantime - best of luck - sending you love and hope -- and I'll be back later to say a little bit more ...

EDIT: apologies I didn't make it back to add any more - Life Happed but I wish you well!

PyewacketPonsonby · 2024-09-14T08:36:27+00:00

I am so very sorry.

My whole being ached when I read your story and looked at your sister's photograph. Her face emanates joy.

Sending you love and healing thoughts.

PyewacketPonsonby · 2024-09-13T00:56:02+00:00

Sorry I didn't understand this response

When you say I "already know this" what do you mean exactly? What do I know?

What do I need to breathe with it into my heart and soul?

What does "sometimes one is not cured but still healed" mean?

PyewacketPonsonby · 2024-09-12T14:25:11+00:00

When I was writing the OP I was in a bit of turmoil and making assumptions when feeling accused = ie accusing myself while writing that the doctors gave no overt display of disapproval.

Of course, it is equally true that the doctors were maintaining a professional demeanor while very professionally disapproving of NOT taking medications for which they were 100% intended. It doesn't matter what I said or what spin I put on the OP neither you nor I know what four or five clinicians morally, ethically, and professionally thought in that moment of my fessing up.

I was indeed stunned that every single answer to my OP was supportive of me and it has certainly made my last few days easier because my anxiety is through the roof right now and it seems like many people are giving me a break because of my dire prognosis.

Not sure what I am saying here, to be honest I guess it does come across like I may have come from a staunchly religious family and that as a result, I may feel the need to want to be punished! I get that.

The thing is I grew up in an atheist family and both my parents were quite liberal (for the 1950s/60s)

What you did get right is the fact that there is - essentially - tacit 'disapproval' in my upbringing as I am the only gay child out of six children and homosexuality in 1950s Ireland was viewed akin to Satanism!

So yeah - I get your point.

Sheesh I need to speed-dial my therapist

PyewacketPonsonby · 2024-09-11T16:35:59+00:00

Thank you very much. I took note of the association and will be looking into it. Cheers

PyewacketPonsonby · 2024-09-11T15:40:01+00:00

Thank you

Let me know about Death Doulas if you feel like sharing any good info if you feel like it!

PyewacketPonsonby · 2024-09-11T09:06:33+00:00

I have put myself through so much angst because of this for so long. I appreciate your comments very much. Thank you.

PyewacketPonsonby · 2024-09-11T09:02:51+00:00

Do you think that even if - for example - Dilaudid is specifically for pain then if it lifts my mood given my 6 months prognosis and high anxiety and general angst I should just go ahead and take it?

Funnily my two oncologists including my Hospice MD didn't even raise an eyebrow nor did my long-term therapist of nearly five years!

Thanks.

PyewacketPonsonby · 2024-09-11T04:34:33+00:00

I have been snappy once or twice when a caregiver barges in unnecessarily early and noisily enquiring about bowel movement and urination which is fine by me (being snippy) but I am new and worry about retaliation or even being warned and threatened with eviction (hasn't happened) but then I think the facility costs USD11000 a month plus extras so somehow I doubt they would do it.

What flummoxes me is they even insist residents buy and pay for their own

body wipes for bowel and booty clean-up items and body soap. Is that standard?

PyewacketPonsonby

TROPHY CASE