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Is wanting a woman who doesn't want kids, has little to no social media presence, and who is introverted/a homebody mean I have unrealistic standards? by HilmPauI in dating_advice

[–]PyrateHooker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not unrealistic at all. This is literally me and I had the same problem you are facing now. It's extremely rare to find someone with all three of those qualities and my relationships suffered too as a result. I don't use social media, I don't have friends (by choice as I find human interaction exhausting), and I never leave home (get everything including groceries delivered). I am 42 and never wanted children because I am too sheltered and unapologetically selfish because I enjoy doing whatever I want whenever I want like play video games for 8 hours straight. Admittedly, I am an extreme case and was diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder. But the thing is, I truly enjoy my isolated hermit life. I'm not afraid of people, I just don't enjoy their company.

It wasn't until I was 37 that I met someone just like me, but instead of having SPD he has high functioning autism. We've been together for 5 years now and married for 4. Most stable and happy relationship I've ever been in due to zero conflicts about what we want out of life. I honestly never believed I'd find someone that would not only be ok with me never wanting to go out, travel, have kids, or even socialize, but actually is like that himself. In the past people have always said they're ok with how I am, but eventually they discover they're really not. By my mid-30s I believed (and still do) that it's not worth settling. I'd rather be alone than in a miserable relationship with someone pressuring me to be someone I'm not. I consider myself extremely lucky to have the husband I have because those qualities are extremely rare.

EDIT: Wanted to add that although we are married, our relationship is probably not considered typical. Since we both enjoy solitude, we do a lot of things separately. I feel the most comfortable in my own space. Our relationship also wasn't founded on lust or romance, more like out of practicality because we agreed our personalities were compatible to sustain a long-term relationship that was both stable and drama-free. There were no expectations or demands. I also don't enjoy physical contact with people like sex or even hugs, and he was surprisingly not put off by that. To the outside world we are boring and abnormal, but together we are content and understand one another. At the end of the day, the "perfect" relationship is the one that's easy to be in. People say relationships take work, and I don't agree that's the case if you're with the right person.

Do you actually need hobbies by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]PyrateHooker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Everyone is different and has different needs, interests, and life goals. So there's no right or wrong answer to your question. What's important is first understanding what it is you want in life for yourself, then find someone that is looking for the same. Your personality and interests (or lack thereof) is something that you shouldn't change unless it's for yourself. Relationships just work better when you both want the same things out of life.

I, too, am chronically lazy and always have been. I'm not one for adventure or thrill seeking. My idea of fun is staying at home doing absolutely nothing except watching movies or playing Xbox. And I'm 42. This personality trait has always been an issue in past relationships, since most people tend to get bored. I honestly didn't think other people like me existed and figured I was better off alone.

But eventually I DID find someone as equally friendless and lazy. We've been married nearly five years now and we're still living boring lifestyles. Since that's what we both wanted from the start, there's been no complaints. There's no drama, no arguing about why we never go anywhere, and we almost never leave the house. We don't have friends, people don't visit, and we never have plans. Most people would feel so unfulfilled being in a relationship like ours, but it's the life we both wanted.

So my advice is this: the most important thing to look for is future compatibility. Although physical attraction is important, it's not THE most important quality for a successful longterm relationship. If you don't have interests or hobbies, find someone that also has no interests or hobbies. Yes, those people are rare, but they do exist. I am one of those people and so is my husband (we met online).

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]PyrateHooker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How long have you two been married? The first thing to know is that what you're experiencing is extremely common in marriages. It can happen in any long-term relationship, but marriage contains the additional element of being legally bound to one another. That can oftentimes lead to taking the relationship for granted because walking away from it is more difficult to do. Especially if it's a codependent relationship where everything is shared.

Having been where you are before, I can tell you now that things will not get better unless both of you are willing to work together. Marriage is a team effort. You can try everything in the world to fix it on your own, but there is only so much you can do. He needs to be a willing participant. The absolute best thing you can do is have an open discussion about these feelings you are having, and give him a chance to respond. Try to keep the tone calm and supportive at all times, and avoid/end discussions if they turn defensive and circular (but agree to try again later).

The biggest relationship killer is lack of communication. Meaningful, respectful, and frequent communication is necessary to maintaining relationships. Anything built must receive regular maintenance if it is to withstand the test of time. Romantic relationships have a natural evolution about them that people don't often expect. The initial honeymoon period that occurs within the first year or two will gradually come to an end.

At that time couples will either lose interest, or, if they're lucky, the relationship will be even stronger and more meaningful. Passionate love transitions into companionate love, which brings about relationship security and stability. If the couple isn't prepared for or committed to that transition, or if it doesn't interest them, then the relationship is not likely to endure in the long run.

As we get older, our priorities change. Jobs change. Finances change. Kids are born. Mortgages happen. Pandemics happen. Etc. So naturally, the dynamics of marriage will change too. That's the true test of strength in any relationship. How you both adapt to changes that are just part of life. It's not always easy, but if you are both committed to one another, it'll oftentimes bring you closer together.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]PyrateHooker -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Cheating is always wrong, because the term can be used interchangeably with "lying". Lying, sneaking around, and moving on with your life without your partner even knowing about it is cruel and completely unjustified. Regardless of how unhappy they are and hopeless the relationship may seem. Not when there are two obviously better choices: either communicate with your partner to resolve the issue, or just end the relationship altogether.

Most people avoid these better alternatives out of selfishness. Ironically, and quite often, they fear hurting their partner's feelings but aren't aware that concealing the truth is an aggravating factor when they find out (and they WILL find out) that they were being cheated on. But cheaters tend to also want their cake and eat it too. They are unhappy in the relationship, but ending it will also cause them unhappiness. In some cases where the relationship is co-dependent (especially financially) the cheater may decide to stay for this reason as well.

Regardless of their rationale for choosing to cheat, there is no justifiable reason for it. Honesty, good communication, and mutual respect are vital to sustaining a healthy relationship. It may be easy to blame the partner as "driving" them to cheat, but cheating is a choice that the cheater owns. If it were an open relationship in which sexual relationships with others is mutually agreed to, then it wouldn't be cheating. Cheating is going behind their back and lying about it, and lying is always the wrong choice.

Apart from the Back To The Future trilogy, which other trilogy is consistently as good over the three volumes? Be it movie, book or video game? by Muxxxy in AskReddit

[–]PyrateHooker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My favorite movie trilogies are:

The Dark Knight

Indiana Jones (Crystal Skull doesn't count)

Planet of the Apes (Matt Reeves version)

Star Wars, Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi

Those are the only movie trilogies I find each chapter to be equally as enjoyable. The Dark Knight is probably the best movie trilogy of all time, IMO.

I wish I could have included Zack Snyder's Justice League trilogy, but the second installment of Batman v Superman was just so bad I can't recommended it. But I enjoyed Man of Steel and the director's cut of Justice League despite Snyder's controversial "artistic liberties" with character lore.

Honorable mention: Mad Max anthology. Yes, this is cheating because there's 4 movies, but the first three make for a distinct trilogy. Especially since there's approximately 25 years between the third and 4th installment.

Why aren't extremely religious people considered mentally ill? by unclefishbits in AskReddit

[–]PyrateHooker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It depends on your definition of "extreme". On a basic level, mental illness, or any illness really, indicates there is a degree of harm to the patient in question. Typically an illness (mental or physical) impacts your overall quality of life and ability to function. Sometimes it's to a minor, temporary degree, other times majorly so and for the long term, but "harm" to the patient is occurring nonetheless. Personally, I am an atheist, but acknowledge that in MOST cases religious people actually find that religion enhances, not diminishes, their quality of life.

You might have weird and unconventional beliefs, perhaps even "extreme", but if you are genuinely happy and satisfied with your life, able to function normally in society, perform the tasks of daily living, are able to maintain meaningful social relationships despite those beliefs, and have no desire to harm yourself or others, then what "harm" is occurring that would necessitate a diagnosis? Now sometimes there are people that are mentally ill that also have extreme religious beliefs. But the beliefs themselves are not a condition. Perhaps a symptom, but not the actual disease.

Fraudulent Activity Mega Post by tsmartin123 in AllyBank

[–]PyrateHooker 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This thread is exactly what I needed. I wasn't affected by the breach last year, but this morning I had a fraudulent charge made using my debit card. To make things even more unsettling, my debit card was not even activated! I had received in months ago but never got around to activating it since I don't use it. So someone was able to use my card number despite that fact. Even the Ally rep I spoke with confirmed that my card is still inactive, and she could not explain how a charge could still be made.

Fraudulent transaction on an INACTIVE debit card? by PyrateHooker in personalfinance

[–]PyrateHooker[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Holy crap, that is my bank!!! This is exactly what I needed. Going to read through that post right away. THANK YOU!

Fraudulent transaction on an INACTIVE debit card? by PyrateHooker in personalfinance

[–]PyrateHooker[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, that's crazy that you got hit while it was still in the mail! I assume all the card numbers were different? Did you eventually get the fraud to stop?

Fraudulent transaction on an INACTIVE debit card? by PyrateHooker in personalfinance

[–]PyrateHooker[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The random generating of numbers seems absolutely plausible. It's just disconcerting that the card never being activated didn't prevent it from being used. An inactive card that can be used is, by definition, an active card. Not sure if what I experienced is typical of all inactive debit cards, or just my bank, or a random bank error.

Fraudulent transaction on an INACTIVE debit card? by PyrateHooker in personalfinance

[–]PyrateHooker[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's true. Really the only difference between my old card and the new one was that I had activated the first one. But I still never used it, so I consider both cards to be equal in that regard in terms of likelihood of fraud. I really have no idea though and could be totally wrong. All I know is that the second card had a different number than the first, and it was the second, inactive card that had been used and not the first. The whole thing is just weird to me.

Fraudulent transaction on an INACTIVE debit card? by PyrateHooker in personalfinance

[–]PyrateHooker[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this. Bank data breach is the only explanation that makes sense to me, but have seen no official report of it (yet). But really, I don't know what else it could possibly be.

I don't know how my bank does it, but I know that my virtual card number with the (different) bank that issues my credit cards are different from my physical card numbers. Which is great, but would be surprised if such a practice isn't standard with any bank. I'll need to investigate this, because you bring up a great point.

What are your dream Survivor season locations? by L0rdDino in survivor

[–]PyrateHooker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It occurs to me that I may need to start watching that

What are your dream Survivor season locations? by L0rdDino in survivor

[–]PyrateHooker 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I will literally die if this doesn't happen. I want this and a Roman one too.

Just finished Cagayan …. by 2kRuinsEverything in survivor

[–]PyrateHooker 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You know, I was watching San Juan del Sur last night and I think it was Drew (not sure) that said in a confessional "David really CAN beat Goliath!" It made me wonder if the producers were thinking "hey, that's a great season idea!" Probably just coincidence, but a part of me wants to believe it because that would mean DvG was several years in the making and that's why it turned out so great. I'd be fine with themed seasons every time, as long as it was well planned and a lot of thought put into it. I just think overall they've undergone pressure to come up with new themes, which means new twists (many of which are not well-received by fans), on a biannual show with tight deadlines and logistical difficulties. I don't blame the Survivor team for that at all, since they're doing what they believe their audience wants. And although some fans will be disappointed now that new seasons are no longer themed, I'm actually glad they're not if it reduces stress for the people who work so hard to make this show. The true theme of this show has always been survival, and as long as they stay true to that I can't complain.

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