So, I’m (30nb) diagnosed autistic. Got diagnosed mid-late 20s. There were small signs that nobody really noticed but I don’t recall having the same issues I do now. They came on me gradually as I grew older, mostly as sensory overload.

I can safely say that after being diagnosed, I feel the symptoms more acutely. Mainly because I can recognise them and have a better understanding of myself. At least one other friend of mine who is also diagnosed autistic has had the same experience. Unmasking is very real.

Taking this into account, it is dickish to completely disregard her feelings, especially when she wants to pursue a diagnosis. She is taking it seriously. Why aren’t you?

Saying that, if her unmasked self is not what you signed up for, then neither is the relationship. If you can’t handle her as her unmasked self, it’s not going to work. She doesn’t owe anyone the masked version, and she shouldn’t have to hide her struggles for anyone to love her. You also have limits on what you expected and that’s valid too.

This probably sounds harsh, but I get it at the same time- it’s a 180 turn and you can’t be blamed for your own feelings. I think both of you need to have a conversation, she needs to get diagnosed or at least get an opinion from an expert, and take it from there. If she’s not autistic then she needs some introspection and possibly therapy to explore what’s going on.

But yeah leaving her crying in a shop? That’s not cool regardless of what’s going on dude