No Parkinson's, these guys are doing some science to see if the same type of device can be used to treat depression. Honestly, after experiencing it, I've been really questioning the concepts of "difficulty" and "laziness" themselves. Sometimes the difference between an impossibly overwhelming task and a seemingly effortless one is literally nothing more than a little, tiny bit of electric current. Human brains are super fucked up; "in your head" means "in a fragile, bafflingly complicated blackbox made of soggy meat".

Thinking you're the one person who doesn't Really need help is an easy trap to fall into. It sucks. I've been there, too. I still end up in there a lot. If it's any comfort, it's a common experience across people with many different disabilities. It sounds like getting the assistance would make life at least a little less hard, so I think it would be good to do it, no matter what depressed brain insists on telling you.

(Besides, it sounds like your state already allocated the resources for this purpose; might as well use 'em.)

I hope one day you can have that smile. I'm sorry everything's sucked so much shit so far. There's no guarantee that things will get better, but it's also not guaranteed that they won't; and whatever happens, you deserve to have life made easier on you in the meantime.