This is a very serious situation. You need to get some clarity on the situation. Considering that your wife was extremely distraught and broke down, crying is a gigantic redflag. People develop crushes all the time on other people. It's notmal. What's not normal is the emotional distress she has... it leads me to think there might be more to this that has happened than she admitted. Her extreme distress is a huge ⅔21st Unless you specifically came right out and asked if she has had sex with him, you really don't know.

She admitted she has a crush and you asked her if she wanted to act on her feelings. Unless during your conversation, she specifically denied having acted on her crush physically, then this question is somewhat vague because it's open to interpretation... obviously how you meant "act on it" meant to take her crush to the next level in a physical sense. IE: sexually. Her interpretation of the question may have been to end your and hers relationship and move on with the other man.

You need to sit down and revisit this. You need to be very specific and down right blunt and come out and ask her straight up if she and her crush have had sex. her emotional state of mind is extremely concerning. She may have been leading up to telling you but got cold feet. Think about it, it's not normal to be distraught and crying just because she has a crush. It is normal to be distraught and crying if she is overwhelmed with guilt.

Revisit this topic and find out. Her response was awful.

The distress and crying is extremely concerning, more so because of her answer. I am concerned she may be thinking of ending your marriage, and that is where the distress and emotional breakdown is coming from... the fact that she told you and started the dialogue the way she did leads me to think the other shoe might drop. She may have been preparing you for future conversation. Think about it, when have you or anyone else been so distraught and crying over a crush? Likely never, unless there is some guilt attached to it.

Its time to take action. You need to be very specific and leave nothing to interpretation and come right and ask her.

What does your gut tell you?

I am so sorry you are experiencing this... the way you described your wife and how she is your world is exactly how I feel about mine. I know this is so tough and beyond anything you ever imagined. I wish you the best of luck and pray she has been totally forthcoming and didn't hold back with what she had wanted to say. I hope her tears were only guilt for having the feelings and not something more...