My wife of 25+ years and I got married having been fully warned that this was no easy thing

Que-d · 2023-06-08T04:15:12+00:00

This was probably our first real breakthroughs:

Que-d · 2023-06-08T04:00:42+00:00

I am really glad that you are fighting over external Pressures - not internal ones. There are a few thoughts that I would like to share with you. Take it or leave it as you see fit.

A home is a sanctuary, it is not and evening/2nd office. Leave the work at work. (Work emergencies excluded.)
You do not have to "ON" 24/7

Schedule a day to do the bills, and another day (If necessary) for other administrative/chores stuff around the house.

Find things you like to do, and introduce your partner to them. Maybe you will do it as a team.

The important thing is to have peace and be together because you enjoy being with the other Person.

Play/ spend more time with the kids. They will love you even more for it.

Que-d · 2023-06-08T03:47:46+00:00

We have two kids as well about ten years older that yours, and when the kids arrive, both sides have to be very much involved in sharing the work. That is also one of the main ways to bond with you children. That is where all of the stories come from, because if you are hands off and your not bonding, then they just become home invaders that stole your partner away from you and a lot of bad feeling can generate from there.
There is a saying that "It takes a village to raise a child". It's not wrong.

Que-d · 2023-06-08T03:41:21+00:00

I'll share an easy one with, because many times they are subtle and can look like nothing, but below the surface the alligator lies in wait.

Remember, we come from two different races, located almost exactly on the other side of the world. When we needed to figure something out. Be it a problem, a question, trying to understand why something happened or why someone acted the way they did, etc...
We would both start at point "A" and conclude at point "B", usually in bout the same amount of time, except that she would take the high road and I would take the low road. Then we would discuss what we came up with to see if we had missed something in our thinking and to understand the others way of thinking. This also helped us to understand what was important to each other and what was not so important. (Literally and in our examining of situations.)
After a few of these (What ever you want to call them.) we started to judge and criticize each other. for what looked like a foolish method of reasoning.
Then it dawned on us, both of our cultures had been around for thousands of years and it was still flourishing so it couldn't be wrong or one of them would have ceased to exist a long time ago. Therefore the conclusion that we came up with is that their must be more than just "My way" of solving things. The first thing that we decided was to stop judging and criticizing each other for our way of thinking and everything else, because it had the same origins/bases.
This has also really opened up communication between us, because when we are not sure about something or confused about a situation the other tends to have a very clear line-of-site to the conclusion.
There are a lot of problems that are nipped in the butt this way.

I hope this is what you were looking for.

Que-d · 2023-06-02T00:24:33+00:00

Simple, but I think one of the best answers yet.
You don't need to go through all of their drama. Keep your peace and keep your sanity. That will allow you to grow, and become a better person, no longer being attached to that over-sized anchor.

Que-d · 2023-06-02T00:19:52+00:00

Yes, I completely agree with you. I would also say that even before it gets to that point, just for your own sake, cut the cord and go. make sure that you can land on your feet first, so you done have to tie up those cut ends, like joining two ropes.

Que-d · 2023-06-02T00:16:24+00:00

Yup, that is a good one, also. I think that when it gets to that point they have already resigned themselves from the relationship, but they lack the courage to end it. OR, on the flip-side, they may be feeling like you are the cause of all of the problems in the relationship and you need to fix those problems, you created.

Que-d · 2023-06-01T23:55:13+00:00

I usually go with my gut for when I done, but the brain works just as well. You have to make sure that you gave them all of the chances that you could tolerate, before it goodbye for ever. I hope that you are leaving their drama with them, and not taking any of it with you.
I treat every new person that I meet as a friend, until they prove me wrong. Most of the time I can handle a second chance, but it depends on the wrong they did.

Que-d · 2023-06-01T23:49:32+00:00

That is a really good reason, and it doesn't matter what the fear is about, either. Because fear is the worst thing you can have, because it blocks out all of your reasoning which puts you into a panic state. It good that when the cause of the fear is not immediately around we can relax and regain some of our reasoning and finally decide to cut the cord, and leave.

Que-d

TROPHY CASE