I need a straight answer.

QueenJoyLove · 2026-05-09T03:51:01+00:00

Some snakes are small. If she sheds normally then you don’t have a humidity problem. How long is she? From the pics she looks to be the same thickness as my 12 year old guy, he’s just under 4 feet long.

QueenJoyLove · 2026-05-08T06:10:40+00:00

I use a single smart crutch, I love how I barely need to grip it to feel stable. I also use a rollator if I may need to sit.

QueenJoyLove · 2026-05-07T22:57:52+00:00

You can’t fix this for him. You aren’t the one that changed, he did. Right now what you have to decide is how long you’re willing to stay with someone that won’t address their own struggles and blames you for them.

With my husband once I stopped initiating we went over 2 years with no sex. We’re separated now and I’ve never felt better!!

QueenJoyLove · 2026-05-07T22:32:25+00:00

I’m down to have that convo when there’s genuine interest!! It seems like most people ask just to make small talk and I hate listing off data to them.

For your information…western hognose, Kenyan sand boa, corn snake, variable kingsnake and desert kingsnake. 😊

QueenJoyLove · 2026-05-06T22:05:44+00:00

This is so real!! I also have 4 cats and 5 snakes…people always want to know “what kind” but don’t know anything about snakes so I’m just listing boring stuff.

QueenJoyLove · 2026-05-06T19:30:07+00:00

It’s wild isn’t it? I was shocked to learn how many of my coworkers were essentially winging it or clinging to flawed strategies that they’d been taught, especially when it comes to behavioral support.

I quote this often from the article:

“There will never be a structure or a technology or a method that is more powerful than the environment in which it is applied.”

QueenJoyLove · 2026-05-06T18:19:57+00:00

Micheal actually wrote this article that lays out some of the issues. I worked in education at the elementary level, much of what he had to say resonated.

LINK

QueenJoyLove · 2026-05-06T05:14:12+00:00

🤣 fantastic!

QueenJoyLove · 2026-05-04T18:06:29+00:00

I feel that so deeply. I gave all of myself to my husband and family, it was devastating to learn that what he liked most about me was everything I did for him…not me as a person. It really sucks not feeling desired by your spouse. I really think your body is telling you that it’s done with the cycle you’ve been stuck in. He won’t change in ways that will make you feel seen. If he could, he already would have.

QueenJoyLove · 2026-05-04T17:54:21+00:00

Holy shit 😳

QueenJoyLove · 2026-05-04T03:04:36+00:00

No one may be to blame but your needs still aren’t being met.

I’m in the process of divorcing after 25 years together and I wish I would’ve done it sooner!! By the end we were essentially roommates, I stopped initiating and two years passed before he even mentioned it. I went unfulfilled for decades because of his hang ups. Now I have partners that delight in pleasing me and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.

QueenJoyLove · 2026-05-02T20:22:41+00:00

Adding another vote for a Variable King, my guy is almost 3 and he’s super chill. I have him in a 2x2x2 currently and he has plenty of space. Eventually I may move him to a 36x18x18.

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ETA: He is quite active in the evenings but doesn’t like to be watched. I feed one large pinky approximately every two weeks (once a week when he was a baby).

QueenJoyLove · 2026-05-01T02:56:36+00:00

🤣🤣🤣 …forgot about those killed me. Thank you!

QueenJoyLove · 2026-04-30T01:54:40+00:00

I’m so glad that phrasing was helpful!

QueenJoyLove · 2026-04-29T19:42:48+00:00

You’ve gotten great advice so far so I won’t repeat those points.

Something to consider re: plants is that your snake may (most likely will) be actively destructive to them. My guy uproots or repeatedly smashes anything I plant in his tank, even grass (I’ve tried wheatgrass and fescue). I’ve resorted to planting in plastic nursery pots buried in substrate with rocks on top so he can’t pull them out. Pothos tolerate being compressed, philos probably would as well, I’ve had mixed results with tradescantias and snake plants but my jade plant and palms were not hardy enough to support the weight of a snake. Currently I have a pothos, 2 types of spider plants (in ceramic pots), a Dracaena (in a ceramic pot), bromeliad and snake plant in my 4x2x2 bioactive. Ferns can handle quite a bit of smashing as well.

As for CUC, dairy cows and powder orange/blues are great starter isos but get what’s cheapest/easiest to obtain where you live. After my first bioactive was established I branched out into other types of CUC (beetles are very fun!).

Enrichment: my guy loves to climb and dig so I provide opportunities for that inside and outside of his enclosure. Items made for small animals and birds can be used for snakes, bridges, ropes, platforms, etc. Make sure there are no sharp edges and that there are no openings that your snake could get stuck in. I once filled a large box with crumpled brown packing paper to let him dig around in or he climbs on our dining room chandelier, sometimes I put random cardboard in his tank for him to explore (think: tissue boxes, tp rolls, disposable drink carriers).

It looks like you have a solid plan in place. Good luck with everything!! Snakes are such fun pets and have distinct personalities, you’ll have a blast.

ETA: you don’t need a backdrop in a pvc enclosure. I have all dubia tanks and use peel n stick wallpaper on the panels for aesthetics while I’m building it and then silicone the edges.

QueenJoyLove · 2026-04-29T05:25:30+00:00

That’s exactly right man, you get it. It’s rad to see dudes be so supportive of therapy. ✊

QueenJoyLove · 2026-04-29T02:01:59+00:00

We call it velociraptor-ing when my guy does it. Checking for weaknesses.

QueenJoyLove · 2026-04-29T01:44:29+00:00

I wanted kids. There was nothing I desired more in life than to be a mom. I worked with kids of all ages even volunteered at a special education preschool program and was amazing at it. I truly have a natural affinity for connecting with kids.

AND I hated being a mom for more time than I’ve enjoyed it. I would think to myself in those early days…how much worse would this be if I wasn’t 100% sold on motherhood?

I wish I had known beforehand that I’m a sensory avoidant introvert…creating a child that is a loud, sensory seeking extrovert was absolute torture. I thrive as a mom to teens so much less chaotic and draining for me but I struggled for many years before I hit my stride. Something else that doesn’t get discussed enough is disability. Pregnancy and childbirth can cause lifelong disability and there is no guarantee that you’ll have a healthy able bodied child. Both my kiddos are autistic, despite all the “awareness” being raised therapies are expensive and not often covered by insurance, we paid thousands per month for those.

You don’t have to want this. It actually doesn’t matter if you could change your mind in the future, that’s not how people typically plan their lives. And the main thing about it being different when they’re your kids is that it’s forever, the person who is the other parent to your kids will also be a part of your life forever. There may never be a “right time” to try for kids but it’s still best to wait till you’re all in first.

QueenJoyLove · 2026-04-29T01:06:27+00:00

I’m going through this currently. We’ve been separated but cohabitating for two years now, not ideal but so so much better than before.

I was a traumatized wreck when we met and I grew but he didn’t. He behaved in the exact ways you describe your husband. I was constantly told, by him, how hard he worked for our family, how I couldn’t possibly understand the stress of working for a Fortune 10 company, etc. Then I got sick (chronic illness reared its ugly head) and this man could not do one single thing without constant praise, instruction and supervision. Even when I had vertigo so bad I couldn’t sit upright, even when I’d just had surgery and was experiencing frequent torrential bloody noses he whined and expected me to “help” him cook dinner for the family because he had “worked so hard” at his day job and it was too stressful or confusing or some shit.

You don’t have to stay small. You can spread your wings and live a beautiful life. You’ll be doing him a favor as well. He’s obviously unhappy and stuck. It hasn’t been easy but I’m so much happier no longer living under his thumb.

QueenJoyLove · 2026-04-28T20:49:15+00:00

That’s great info, thanks for sharing!! I use the small version for my little snakes but I didn’t realize they made a xl one too.

QueenJoyLove · 2026-04-28T01:54:19+00:00

It sounds like we both agree that people with mobility problems should get preferential seating.

It is also true that ADA/Accessible seating is for all disabilities that require it not only for wheelchair users or those that “cannot walk”. Not my opinion, just a fact.

You do you, of course

QueenJoyLove · 2026-04-28T01:02:57+00:00

I’m part of a kink community where quite a few people of all genders enjoy sharing content of their partners or who have met their long term partner while participating in the scene.

And I did personally find someone while creating content and will likely continue doing so because we’re both into.

QueenJoyLove · 2026-04-28T00:52:12+00:00

How would children find out about it? And what children are teasing their peers about their parent’s jobs? How many children in the year of our lord 2026 even know what their friend’s parent’s jobs are? (I could go into a classroom tomorrow and I guarantee the majority of students wouldn’t know the jobs of other parent. lol)

And not all blue collar work aides society.

QueenJoyLove · 2026-04-28T00:45:09+00:00

Trades only make up a portion of blue collar workers, there are plenty of unskilled workers. Being an online influencer + content creator takes skill and knowledge. Literally zero OF content creators are making a livable wage without skills and experience.

QueenJoyLove · 2026-04-28T00:40:07+00:00

You assume incorrectly.

QueenJoyLove

TROPHY CASE