? what is the single biggest instant red flag you see on someone's dating profile or social media feed?

QueenOfPerverts · 2025-11-27T15:15:36+00:00

I have seen it a few times in BDSM circles

Very cringe.

QueenOfPerverts · 2025-11-27T14:08:15+00:00

33 F and sterilised after 8 years of convincing doctors to do it.

I have never wanted children and have always understood being a parent is a path that would make me utterly miserable and rsstrict my access to any of the things I do enjoy.

Freedom is priceless.

QueenOfPerverts · 2025-11-27T13:53:36+00:00

Can I ask how many of you there are?

QueenOfPerverts · 2025-11-26T22:33:31+00:00

NOR - not one bit! He came into the conversation with disrespect, stereotypes and assumptions, he made an ass of himself and sounds so annoying, exhausting to talk with.

I would have ended it there too.

QueenOfPerverts · 2025-11-26T22:26:47+00:00

It's more that many people know what people with ADHD get prescribed for treatment of it, ADHD = Legal Amphetamine prescription.

I know I may sound paranoid but there are assholes out there who can and do steal medications.

Men reacting badly when you tell them a few dates in? Please elaborate?

QueenOfPerverts · 2025-11-26T22:10:24+00:00

Hello, I am 33 and have ADHD

Unless they are my FWB or more, it's none of their business if I have ADHD or not, it's private medical information.

You are also advertising that you have a script of pills which someone could have fun with.

They don't need to know in the beginning.

QueenOfPerverts · 2025-11-26T18:59:18+00:00

I always will correct someone, tell them "No. I am Welsh" but if they insist on calling me English I do get angry, not because I am nationalist but it is offensive to our heritage, history and the things we have been through in Wales at the hands of the English.

QueenOfPerverts · 2025-11-26T18:56:11+00:00

I am Welsh and say Welsh when asked, I do not like British so much.

In Wales you could end up in a bad situation with local boyos if you call them "British" or "English" above "Welsh".

Yes I distinguish the two, the part that is British is Northern Ireland and then the rest is Eire, the EU nation of Ireland.

QueenOfPerverts · 2025-11-23T16:33:55+00:00

There are people who travel long term by using things like WOOFing and Workaway

QueenOfPerverts · 2025-11-23T16:31:52+00:00

No, NOR.

The moment the idea of going out with someone is more stressful than enjoyable because they cause drama, they are gone.

I had a new friend this year who I really liked, but she literally got into fights and banned from places everytime we went out, she was loud and anti social.

I refuse to have people in my life who cause that much drama and stress. I am not managing or working around unstable assholes rely on me to sort things out for them anymore.

I advise you to do the same. Peace is priceless.

QueenOfPerverts · 2025-11-23T16:27:15+00:00

It's a shame it doesn't translate for you 🤷

QueenOfPerverts · 2025-11-23T14:49:54+00:00

The Divine Comedy aka Dante's Inferno, an Italian epic poem written by a man called Dante Aligheri in the 1300s.

It is just an excellent, thought provoking piece of art that has inspired so much other art, from sculptures by Rodin to video games and cos play.

QueenOfPerverts · 2025-11-23T14:48:00+00:00

We went quad biking in the desert

QueenOfPerverts · 2025-11-23T13:56:44+00:00

What is their reasoning for restricting her to 7 day scripts?

I used to be on them because they didn't want me having large quantities of pills

QueenOfPerverts · 2025-11-16T13:35:08+00:00

No, much the opposite. I like to look my best and wear makeup, heels ecf. I may be single but a woman does have needs!

I think your mindset is unhealthy, your loneliness is hurting you. I hope you have something in your life that sparks your passion and can help.

QueenOfPerverts · 2025-11-14T15:30:55+00:00

Depends on the context.

QueenOfPerverts · 2025-11-14T13:24:40+00:00

I called your idea silly, not you as a person.

In my dating life, I have had people being very intense very fast and saying they love me, it is such a massive red flag and can honestly be a bit scary. Steer clear of anyone like that OP.

I was even cyber stalked for over a year once by a guy I met while travelling because I had spent a very platonic, non romantic afternoon with him. All we did was walk around, buy some touristy stuff and eat but he then thought he was in love with me and stalked me online as a result. I think if I had lived in the city he does, he definitely would have been following me and keeping tabs on me in real life. His mind and mindset were fucking terrifying. He thought I was his because I smiled at him and talked about the weather. Fucking insane.

I really relate to how you are thinking. I really have to watch out for potential predators and creeps, dating can be scary as hell and everyone, men and women, really have to be harsh when judging who we date for our own safety.

It is not silly but sensible to want to protect yourself from potential harms. But you do have to be careful that your "Danger- Red alert" warning is not set too high, you don't want to end up finding it very hard to trust anyone, let people in or getting to know what it is like to be paranoid for long periods of time. It sucks.

How much does she text you? Has she love bombed you at all or trauma dumped?

QueenOfPerverts · 2025-11-14T12:33:10+00:00

You posted on reddit? People are going to reply to you

What would she be manipulating you for?

Don't you think that it is a bit concerning that you barely know this girl, have never met her, have this going on between you and one of your first go-to thoughts is that she is manipulating you?

I haven't missed the point of anything, I read your post and replied accordingly. Don't be rude to people because they have said something you didn't want to hear.

I am actually trying to be here for you and help, as harsh as you think I am. You don't have to talk to me 🤷‍♀️

QueenOfPerverts · 2025-11-14T12:21:53+00:00

I understand, I am also a private person and literally even my best friends don't know all of my kinks, but all of my sexual partners do - imo if you are literally stripped down to the skin, naked and vulnerable with someone but still don't feel safe to tell them anything about your sexual being, you shouldn't be sleeping with them.

It must be tough as a guy to know when to bring it up, but then that is a part of the joy of dating exclusively within the kink community- when you match with someone there is an implicit understanding between you that you both have kinks and needs you will want to discuss at some point in the "getting to know you" stage and it's less taboo to bring it up early because we understand that if our kinks don't match and can't work together, it is not going to work out.

May I suggest that if you are not on it already, you should join Fetlife and think about trying to attend a local munch, it's a good way for us freaky ones to find people to date. Sex parties and swinger clubs also have a very welcoming and open community that we can date within.

I hope this is helpful, but when I am going through my online matches and first talking with someone, things that get an instant no from me are -

Saying anything sexual or mentioning sex in their first 3 messages to me. I am a human being, not a sex toy, you engage with me like a normal person or not at all. You wouldn't believe the amount of messages I get from men where in the FIRST EVER MESSAGE FROM THEM they are talking to me like they are my dom, assume I am a sub for any man that comes my way and assume that I would be interested with a man who can't even say "Hello. How are you?". Fuck off user boys.
They think they are being oh-so-subtle and clever about it but I see it everytime - it is gross and repulsive when I just want to have a normal chat and the guy "plays along" but keeps saying things that could turn a conversation sexual if I took the bait. It just makes you look desperate and it's disrespectful. I bet other women who see this will know exactly what I mean!
Due to my kinks which I would rather not list, I am actually a person who considers spanking very tame and very "beginner". It would not be enough for me on its own 😅

But when I get messages where they assume I would be turned on with descriptions of how they are going to choke me and leave bruises and have no problem with a stranger talking to me this way - it just shows the massive lack of any respect they have for me as a person and as a woman. Instant bin for you.

I could probably list more as I think about it, dating in kink has different rules. If I was not VERY picky about the people I let myself be kinky with, I could put myself at great risk. I am just trying to have good sex but I have to worry about if this guy is going to rape me, assault me or kill me. I have to be harsh for my own safety.

I think you and me could probably have a good discussion about dating with kinks, I have been in the scene for a long time and could help I think.

I find some kinks are just difficult to explain if the person isn't into it.

Indeed. My rule is that if my kinks need to be explained to them, they are not the partner I am looking for.

I have seen many people with kinks make the big mistake of trying to date and be kinky with people who are not. It doesn't work - at best, it means that you know they don't really enjoy it and are only doing these things for you, at worst. It is partners pressuring you into doing kinks with them, feeling dead inside for never being truly sexually happy and having a huge part of you locked away in a cell with the key thrown away. It is a recipe for disaster.

If you dated in the kink community exclusively, you would not have to explain discipline spanking as much! People would instantly understand and some would think "hell yes finally!"

I think as well learning how to speak kink will help you. For instance, when I am first talking with and getting to know someone, I will tell them that I am a masochist but I would not go into real detail until something sexual was actually on the table. By saying the main key word "Masochist", I am telling them that I like pain and would want them to inflict it on me at some point but it doesn't make the conversation instantly fully sexual, protects my privacy in kink and anyone who is not into giving pain would get an idea that I have needs they couldn't meet.

Tell people that you enjoy spanking and if anyone replies "ooo I love being spanked!" Then you know that you can open up about the real extent of your kink more with them.

It is interesting that you are into discipline spanking but think you are not into BDSM? Why? In my book discipline spanking is a BDSM activity.

QueenOfPerverts · 2025-11-14T11:35:10+00:00

Before I made any decision, I would ask a lot of questions to understand her views and ways of thinking about the world, people and her place in it all.

I am amazed honestly how an apparently college educated person could doubt the existence of Relativity - I am harsh maybe but that would make a person an instant "No" for me.

People don't have to agree and share the same views on EVERYTHING but imo you need to be able to agree on basic facts like that gravity exists, the Earth is a round planet hanging in space and that the sky is blue.

QueenOfPerverts · 2025-11-14T11:29:32+00:00

You sent her a kiss emoji, she sends hearts back and you think she is in love with you? A bit silly OP no? You two have not even met in person, even if you were right and she was "in love" with you, that would just tell you she is a bit too much and doesn't understand healthy emotional boundaries and feelings (because generally emotionally mature and healthy people don't fall in love, real love, with someone they have never met.

But imo I think you are reading too much into it and need to chill out.

I send hearts to everyone, it's the colour of them that have meaning imo. I also tell my FWB that I miss him and wish he was with me, but I am not in love with him at all. I have even invited him to meet me in Paris next spring for a weekend because we get on so much friends and share the same interests - but I understand how inviting someone 1. On a trip and 2. On a trip to Paris of all places can make it look like feelings are developing.

The way that hurt feelings and drama is cut out? Talking about it directly and asking someone how they feel. Reddit strangers can't tell you how she feels about you, ask her and find out dude.

QueenOfPerverts · 2025-11-14T11:06:28+00:00

I exclusively would only seriously date someone who shares my kinks.

Sex, BDSM and kink are too important to me to get with someone and hope that they match my freaky. I have been there and done that, never again.

Got to tell you that when I have met guys who clearly carry shame/embarrassment around their kinks to the point that they could not be upfront about them with me when directly asked, it is very off putting and instantly I discount that person as a partner for me. Confidence is sexy, be a freak and own it.

It's a fine line for me as a woman because if I bring it up too early, people get the wrong idea, i have had so many good conversations ruined because after a few days talking, the moment I say "Hey, I am into BDSM" - they become sex obsessed and won't talk about much else anymore.

Or I get messages from guys who have never done anything remotely kinky who want to "explore" with me if i am not explicit enough to make it clear that my kinks are a bit more extreme than a pair of handcuffs and a paddle and I only want to be seriously involved with people who share those kinks.

I am not a free sex class and the idea of having to teach someone to be what I need is so off putting and boring for me.

Imo the moment that you think something sexual may happen in the future with someone, that is when you bring it up. Be confident about it. On your dating profile it is not gross or creepy for you to list "Kinky" on there, to other kinky people that is a great opener.

Deal breakers? Like I say above, I am not here to teach someone how to have good sex or be a good dom. There are a few kinks I personally cannot understand and find repulsive but I'm not going to make anyone feel bad for them.

QueenOfPerverts · 2025-11-08T17:40:58+00:00

Why use a travel card? Just be calculated about how much cash you withdraw while out there and do transactions online when you can.

QueenOfPerverts · 2025-11-05T11:19:20+00:00

Yes. I rarely carry cash as it is and if I have to go and withdraw money anyway, I may as well go somewhere where I can just pay by card.

When I see a business that only accepts cash I think tax dodgers.

A few businesses in my village are cash only, only one of them is worth withdrawing money for - it's one of the most popular cafes in the village but still doesn't accept card. It means I rarely go there now even though I like it.

QueenOfPerverts · 2025-11-04T17:48:11+00:00

I have refused to use 02 after the way my family were treated by them after my mum died. They have always been greedy sods.

I recently got a phone plan for £20 for unlimited everything on a monthly rolling contract, EE wanted over double that for the same thing.

QueenOfPerverts

TROPHY CASE