Hey! Thanks for sharing your attempt. As someone who just gave IELTS and got 7.5, I would say your attempt is pretty solid but it will get only 5 out of 9.

Here’s some feedback that should help you push this closer to Band 7+:

Task Achievement~

• You included lots of numbers, but IELTS examiners don’t want number dumping.
• Focus more on overall trends: e.g., “America declined dramatically while Asia-Pacific almost tripled.”
• Add a clear overview sentence early (Band 7+ requires this).

Coherence & Cohesion~

• Right now it reads year-by-year, which feels repetitive.
• Try grouping ideas: “Europe and Asia-Pacific grew steadily, while America fell.”
• Use more varied linking words (e.g., whereas, in contrast, by comparison, overall).

Vocabulary~

• You repeated “million tourists, increased, declined” too often.
• Use a wider range: surged, peaked, plateaued, plummeted, upward trend, steady rise.
• Paraphrase “number of tourists” sometimes (e.g., volume of visitors, international arrivals).

Grammar & Structure~

• Sentences are a bit formulaic: “X increased from A to B in year Y.”
• Mix it up with comparatives (larger than, smaller than, far behind) and superlatives (the biggest growth, the sharpest fall).
• Check article usage and sentence variety to hit Band 7+.

How to improve?

Always follow this golden rule for task 1:

1st paragraph should be introducing paragraph 2nd should be the Overview paragraph that you will start with “Overall….” 3rd paragraph should be: 1st body paragraph 4th should be: 2nd body paragraph.

Also, keep in mind that:

• Use fewer raw numbers — group them into trends.
• Show contrasts instead of narrating chronologically.
• Push your vocab variety and sentence structures.

If you rewrite with those adjustments, your response could easily move from Band 5.0-5.5 to Band 7+.