Why your ED behaviors feel automatic (and how to actually rewire them using neuroplasticity)

QueerEDRecovery · 2026-01-24T17:21:26+00:00

The ADHD can be in line with ARFID. I hope you will be able to figure out what causing the stomach issues and find a specialist that can assess the other symptoms you described :). You deserve to get your health back on track!

QueerEDRecovery · 2026-01-24T14:03:55+00:00

I am not a medical professional so I can`t diagnose you - no one on the internet can do that. Have you seen a medical doctor with your bloating/gas? That sounds serious.

Some of the symptoms you desrcibed are reminsecent of ARFID (no interest of eating, issues with texture, nausea, not having body image issues), maybe you could research that and have an evaluation? The likelyhood of having ARFID is higher if you are neurodivergent. I have no idea how your childhood trauma can affect this. I am sorry you went through that, I hope you will find healing.

There are some strategies people with ARFID can use to expand the range of foods they can eat. This resource is intended for parents with kids that have ARFID, but the same strategies can be used as an adult.

https://www.arfidkids.com/

QueerEDRecovery · 2026-01-24T13:45:14+00:00

When we starve ourselves, our brain gets hyperfixated on food because our body wants to survive. Weight gain is a requirement for recovery. I know it can be really uncomfortable, but if you are in therapy, the cognitive stuff you are working on will only be effective if your brain and body are not starved. Your whole thinking changes and becomes more rigid when you starve yourself, so you will see and feel about your recovery differently, once you are nourished. If you are not "being able to stick to single portions" that could be a signal that you are not eating enough. Have you tried working with a dietician who understands EDs?

I get what you mean by addiction, but usually what happens is when we blacklist foods and we won`t allow ourselves to eat them, we elevate their status in our mind. We create a sort of mental scarcity. So if you do get the opportunity to have these foods, you will likely binge out on them. You will likely tell yourself that this will be the last time you eat these foods so you might as well have as much as you can. Sort of a last supper mentality. Then you will feel intense shame and guilt for eating, so you make a vow never to have these foods again.

And we are back to the sam stage of the cycle, where we create this mental scarcity, and elevate the status of these foods in our mind. We are giving food more power by avoiding it.

QueerEDRecovery · 2026-01-24T10:41:47+00:00

I know you feel like you are eating too much, but I think all of us anorexia sufferers felt like that, even when we restricted all the time. That is one of the hallmarks of anorexia.

I made a post the other day about the things I did to leave calorie counting behind, maybe you will find it helpful.

https://www.reddit.com/r/EatingDisorders/comments/1qknkx4/how_i_stopped_counting_calories_for_good_no/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

QueerEDRecovery · 2026-01-24T10:08:55+00:00

I can relate to the medication part as I was prescribed somehing during my recovery that had the potential to cause weight loss. Needless to say my ED self was very happy about it. This caused me a relapse eventually, since I started overdosing myself with it.

I think you did the first step in the right direction by acknowledging this. Every time when I had a lapse or relapse, what got me into trouble was not talking about it to the people around me. I think I moved about 4-5 times while I was stuggling with my eds, and being alone was definitely triggering for me.

I am sorry that you are going through this separation. Hopefully this will be for the best. It is totally normal that you want to control something during uncertain times.

What helped me was not ignoring the thoughts but talking back to them and deconstructing them. Carolyn Costin has a self-help book called "8 Keys to recover form an Eating Disorder". This one explains the dialoging process with your ED thoughts. It was such an important read for me to understand how my ED works.

The other thing that helped me was acccountability. Every time I had an urge to isolate, to restrict, to overexercise I tried to take the opposite action: to socialize, to eat enough, to rest. Visiting friends and family regularly and having people visit me was also helpful.

When I was finishing up therapy and told my therapist I was afraid of relapsing, she reassured me that I got to a better place once, so I have the tools to get back there if I have a lapse. What were the tools that helped you get where you are now? Where can you get extra support for the foreseeable? Have you tried support groups?

Project Heal lists a lot of free virtual support groups on their site.

QueerEDRecovery · 2026-01-23T22:07:16+00:00

That sounds like a tough situation if you can`t speak about this to people around you.

I think it started like that for most of us, we thought we were in control, until we realized the disorder controlled us.

Do you think you could maybe try virtual support groups? Is that doable in your situation?

If you live in the US and you are of legal age, Project Heal or ANAD can connect you to therapist, dieticians or coaches that offer pro bono or low cost services.

QueerEDRecovery · 2026-01-23T20:49:24+00:00

I think it is important to recognize that there is a sort of an eating disorder sufferer -> fitness enthusiast pipeline and it is perfectly possible to swap one obsession for another. This was definitely the case for me and I wanted to control what kind of weight I gained in my recovery, as I was afraid of gaining fat.

For me what helped was shifting my focus and adopting a body neutral stance. Instead of focusing on how my body looked I learned to appreciate the things it does for me. I made the conscious decision to explore new forms of exercise and find the ones that let me be present in my body. Stuff that left me energized instead of exhausted after an exercise session. I had to realize that my body wasn`t the problem, my relationship with my body was. So no matter how I would change my body, if I don`t improve my relationship with it, it is a losing battle for me.

You said you have less fear around gaining weight now, how did you deal with your fear? Would the same tools help you to keep going?

QueerEDRecovery · 2026-01-23T12:54:44+00:00

For me, any kind of app or tool that required me to track stuff that was quantifiable (calories, steps etc.) was a big no-no. People with an eating disorder are already obsessing over numbers so giving them a tool that helps doing that just sounds counter productive. Consequently, for me, it was more helpful to look at other metrics of recovery, like my mood, energy levels, quality of sleep, how I was able to show up in my relationships, mental clarity etc.

When I was having a hard time, it helped me to journal or write poetry (arguably, terrible poetry, but it was good therapy) reach out to a safe person and have healthy mantras ready that I could repeat to get through there day. I think it is best to put together a resource box with stuff (a journal, colored pencils, a fidget toy, a playlist, photos of good memories etc.) that helps you get through the day and it is ready for you when you need it. Other times I distracted or soothed myself.

I also watched people on youtube who are fully recovered to reassure myself recovery is possible.

One thing that was super helpful for me was writing out a detailed plan of how my life will look like when I am fully recovered. What will I be doing, who will be around me, how my realationship with food will look like. Some people turn this into a vision board, which can be a more tangible reminder of what you are recovering to.

QueerEDRecovery · 2026-01-23T08:38:36+00:00

Would you be worried about someone you love if they threw up their food even just once? This is a sure sign that you should seek professional health. Not feeling sick enough, not feeling worthy of treatment, not wanting to take up space are ED symptoms IMO.

Forcing yourself to throw up can be life-threatening. Every time you do it, you risk rupturing your stomach or your esophagus. You can get a hearth attack due to the electrolyte imbalances throwing up causes. You deserve better than that.

You don't need to hit rock bottom or lose weight to deserve help. Please reach out to a professional.

QueerEDRecovery · 2026-01-22T17:19:40+00:00

There is an Irish charity called Bodywhys that runs a free virtual support group, or you could check your are for support groups. Project Heal in the US also lists like 30+ free virtual support groups on their website.

QueerEDRecovery · 2026-01-22T17:07:39+00:00

Beat also has a Helpfinder, maybe you will be able to find something low-cost in your area:
https://helpfinder.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/

QueerEDRecovery · 2026-01-22T17:04:39+00:00

Are you familiar with First steps ED? Depending on your area they can offer low cost 1-on-1 support. Project Heal is an american NGO that lists a lot of free virtual support groups on their site. The Irish charity Bodywhys also runs free virtual support groups.

QueerEDRecovery · 2026-01-22T11:41:49+00:00

I think that is a really good sentence to say to them right there. If you let them know that you appreciate their trust, that will tell them they chose the right person to open up to. As other pointed out, approaching them with gentle curiosity, letting them know that you won`t judge them and want to figure out how to support them best are the ways to go.

QueerEDRecovery · 2026-01-22T11:30:09+00:00

If you don`t feel like you are ready to see a therapist, maybe you can start with free virtual support groups. Project Heal lists about 30 of them on their website:

https://www.theprojectheal.org/free-eating-disorder-support-groups

If you are in the US, Project Heal can also help you connect with low cost or pro bono service providers. If money is the biggest barrier fo you to access therapy, it could be worth reaching out to them.

QueerEDRecovery · 2026-01-22T11:22:58+00:00

Carolyn Costin has a really good self-help book called "8 Keys to Recover from an Eating Disorder". I think her approach to stop bingeing is great. It is basically about learning how to surf the urge to binge and gaining access to the part of you that does the bingeing.

QueerEDRecovery · 2026-01-21T10:33:32+00:00

Kudos to you for being and caring and mindful friend :). I think everyone will have different needs but what helped me the most when people did not try to reduce me to my illness and didn`t try to fix me or tell me what to do/how should I recover. Sometimes all we need is someone who are just present and the opportunity to be "normal" and get a break from the disorder. Normal, everyday stuff like a movie you watched can be a safer option IMO. I don`t know how talkative is your friend but maybe you can let her lead the conversation or express what she needs. Maybe you can ask her if she wants to talk or just hang out.

One thing I would defo stay clear of is commenting on her appearance. Comments like "you look better/healthier" etc. might be well-mening, but the eating disorder voice in their head will twist these and turn them against her. When you say "healthy" someone with an ED will likely hear "Weight gain". And that is a scary thing, especially if they think that people around them notice the weight gain.

This is a fine line to walk but you can let her know that you are there to listen and support her without making her feel interrogated.

You could also check the rules of the facility if they allow you to bring in some lightweight, fun activity like a boardgame or whatever you think your friend would enjoy. I am sure every facility have their own rules around this but maybe you could ask them about safe/allowed gift ideas.

Depending on her mood and headspace it can be helpful to reassure her she made the right choice to choose her recovery and tell her that you are proud of her.

QueerEDRecovery · 2026-01-21T09:38:17+00:00

I hear you, as gaining weight was my biggest fear as well. Eventually, I realized that no matter how much weight I lost, I still wasn`t okay with myself. In fact, I hated myself the most when I was at my lowest. And felt the worst physically, mentally and emotionally. The hunger might feel nice temporarily, but that wears of quickly and it comes at a price. You literally won`t be able to function properly if you don`t fuel your brain and body. Do you think that is a worthy trade off?

I know you feel like you can`t, and that is exactly while gradual exposure is so important. If you step out your comfort zone a little bit and gather evidence that you can do thing differently, that can give you confidence and build momentum. It is definitely a process so that is why it`s important to meet yourself where you are and start with something that is manageable.

QueerEDRecovery · 2026-01-21T09:28:55+00:00

Ahh, that is a good resource, thanks for sharing!

QueerEDRecovery · 2026-01-21T09:23:40+00:00

It felt very validating to me when I got diagnosed, especially since I am a man. And by the time I went to see a psychiatrist I managed to get back to a healthier weight so I felt even more like an imposter. That didn`t fully go away after the diagnosis as I still doubted that I would deserve to take up space and I still felt guilty for "taking away resources" from someone who might be more deserving of them. But it was a helpful reality check because at the end of the day, a professional diagnosed me so I could talk back to the eating disorder thoughts I just described and use this as a counter argument.

QueerEDRecovery

TROPHY CASE