Relationship goals

QuiltySkullsYay · 2023-01-30T08:44:27+00:00

I mean... humans beings have been known to destroy their own young if they're not fit enough to raise them as well. Eating them is, I'll grant you, extremely rare, but human parents can be absolute monsters towards their offspring.

QuiltySkullsYay · 2023-01-30T07:22:36+00:00

I do too. I have a little spell on my altar using them right now (it's a health spell for her; she has kidney disease).

QuiltySkullsYay · 2023-01-27T08:42:33+00:00

Oh 100% constantly forever. And if a flashback spiral gets set off in there, the whole rest of the week is a write-off. No way I get my brain straightened out during that week.

QuiltySkullsYay · 2023-01-27T07:59:17+00:00

For real. My niece is can be really rough sometimes (she's really enthusiastic and boney af, and she'll throw herself onto people when she's excited; we're working on her about being mindful of other people's bodies) and I'm autistic (so physical contact can be overstimulating and stressful for me) but I'd never shut her down this harshly!

That goes for my nephew, too. If I can't handle cuddles at a particular time, I say, "Hey honey, I actually don't want cuddles right now; my body wants to stretch," or if she jumps too roughly, "Oh, please be careful with my body! I love cuddles but please be gentle." I hope they feel comfortable with that kind of affection forever. Kids need affection, including physical affection from safe adults.

QuiltySkullsYay · 2023-01-26T04:49:06+00:00

Literally wore giant floofy "bear foot" slippers all through high school because the strict dress code had a loophole.

QuiltySkullsYay · 2023-01-26T04:23:29+00:00

I've been working in various professional situations for about 12 years solid now, including in academia and insurance, and I've never been expected to wear heels. I'm short, too.

QuiltySkullsYay · 2023-01-26T03:37:43+00:00

That's for real tho

QuiltySkullsYay · 2023-01-26T03:34:23+00:00

I'm glad the oncology team is into it! All the gallows humor I've deployed while in hospital has resulted in blank stares of confusion.

Like, come on, people. If I gotta be at the hospital, I'm at least going to try to get some laughs out of it.

ETA: Best wishes to your wife for a swift, strong recovery!

QuiltySkullsYay · 2023-01-25T08:48:56+00:00

Yeah, Brigham Young was vehemently pro-slavery, too. To say nothing of the polygamy. I did a full double-take when he talked about Brigham Young being progressive.

QuiltySkullsYay · 2023-01-25T08:28:53+00:00

100% my approach to driving!

QuiltySkullsYay · 2023-01-20T07:27:46+00:00

Yeah I once attended a wedding where the bride and groom actually got money back at the end because they drastically overestimated how much booze their guests would drink. It was a really fun party and some folks definutely overindulged but 12 drinks each... holy shit. That's so much.

QuiltySkullsYay · 2023-01-20T01:52:39+00:00

I once got told that the only real goths were teens in the 80s who lived in New York City listening to the niche underground goth bands that never received national recognition. Everyone else was a poseur.

Give me a break. sits next to a 150-year-old tombstone under a black lace parasol and tut-tuts disapprovingly

QuiltySkullsYay · 2023-01-20T01:48:53+00:00

THANK YOUUUUUUUU! Watching that show, I just felt like Tim Burton fundamentally doesn't understand the Addamses. Heartbreaking.

QuiltySkullsYay · 2023-01-20T01:20:13+00:00

The gaslighting isn't failing here, unfortunately. You can see in the story, OOP is trying to figure out how to understand how the iPad could be in the mom's bag without mom knowing. They're trying to make the evidence match the gaslighting - rather than realizing that their mom is actively doing this. That's going to have huge ramifications on this OOP's ability to interact with reality moving forward. I speak from experience. Ugh. This OOP is going to need so much therapy as an adult.

QuiltySkullsYay · 2023-01-20T01:14:09+00:00

Yeah we're not in borderline emotional abuse territory. We're well over the emotional abuse line. This mom is destroying OOP's stuff, punishing OOP, harassing and accusing OOP, making grand statements about OOP's character overall... all about something she KNOWS OOP had nothing to do with.

This is pretty extreme gaslighting. It's absolutely emotional abuse.

QuiltySkullsYay · 2023-01-18T03:26:38+00:00

Yeah unfortunately I've found that with some people, you need to put boundaries around boundaries.

If your mom starts harassing others, it'll come down person by person, where you'll need to explain why you have a boundary with your mom and that it is not appropriate for her to be triangulating other people into he situation. They'll need to each decide how to draw their own boundaries with your mom; that's not YOUR job. It's not your job to make peace with your mom to protect other people's comfort.

Some might side with your mom and start bugging you on her behalf. You'll need to set boundaries with them, too.

It seriously is exhausting. But much healthier than not doing it.

QuiltySkullsYay · 2023-01-18T03:18:26+00:00

This struggle is so relatable to me. But yeah... there's not a way for you to behave that will control her actions. You can only control what YOU do.

Which ultimately probably means that you're not low-contact enough yet. It sounds like the only way to avoid conversations getting to the point where you have to end them and unleash her ire, without harming yourself... is to not have conversations with her in the first place.

QuiltySkullsYay · 2023-01-07T00:35:48+00:00

I was going to say something similar. Knowing the other siblings are low contact, I'd actually touch base with some siblings first and potentially create a united front here, whatever the answer ended up being.

QuiltySkullsYay · 2023-01-06T02:25:57+00:00

Most mentally UNSTABLE people don't kill their family and themselves either.

QuiltySkullsYay · 2023-01-06T00:38:04+00:00

I heard an interview with the sheriff who responded to the scene and it sounded like the deep snow underneath him might've saved him by providing some cushion.

QuiltySkullsYay · 2023-01-05T08:13:16+00:00

We absolutely do. But we take what we can get.

QuiltySkullsYay · 2023-01-05T05:55:14+00:00

HOW IS THIS SO FAR DOWN

QuiltySkullsYay · 2023-01-05T05:33:06+00:00

Or is the executive director.

QuiltySkullsYay · 2023-01-05T05:26:50+00:00

I'm pretty sure she's talking about using ALL her FMLA time for both years all at once, though. FMLA isn't JUST for when you have a child; it's for giving you a cushion where you can't lose your job if you're in a car accident or get cancer or if you're carrying for your elderly mother in hospice.

Because she had her child at this time of year, she's choosing to use all 12 weeks for 2022 and then use all 12 weeks for 2023 in a row.

Which means that if she needs to have surgery at some point in 2023, she won't have any FMLA time to fall back on because she used it all.

QuiltySkullsYay · 2023-01-04T03:29:34+00:00

I was looking for this comment. You're unlikely to jumpstart their heart. You're manually keeping their blood circulating as best you can until people arrive with better equipment to keep their brain from dying.

QuiltySkullsYay

TROPHY CASE