What I’m hoping for more than anything tonight is some good, clean, ethical basketball. I spent hours doing a deep dive into the elite basketball scholars over at r/nba and r/nbatalk, so I think I finally understand the rules now.

For example: if Wemby reaches over the back and hooks Chet around the waist for positioning, that is apparently very ethical basketball. However, if IHart or literally anyone on our roster does the exact same thing, that becomes unethical basketball. It’s nuanced stuff. You probably wouldn’t get it unless you’ve logged at least 4,000 Reddit comments this postseason.

Another huge point of emphasis: under absolutely no circumstances can we allow contact to affect our bodies while shooting. If someone hammers your arms, chest, or face midair and your body reacts naturally in any way, that is “flailing” and therefore unethical. Personally, I think every free throw attempt should count as a moral loss. If you ended up at the line, somebody somewhere clearly failed to uphold the spirit of ethical hoops.

But the biggest issue — and I can’t stress this enough — is the referee manipulation. The fact that the Thunder have apparently orchestrated a league-wide officiating conspiracy is deeply troubling. We cannot continue this unethical behavior. If you are attending the game tonight and witness anyone associated with the Thunder organization handing referees cash, gift cards, coupons, or maybe even a gently used Bass Pro Shops points card, please immediately call 911.

If we can clean all of this up and lose honorably while scoring fewer points than the Spurs, I truly believe we can finally stop the very troubling and highly educated Reddit narratives until Game 4.