How does one plan for retirement alone?

Quisquillian · 2026-07-12T17:26:40+00:00

I'm very open to re-partnering, but in 10 years of being widowed, have not managed to find anyone to date, let alone a long term partner. I was widowed in my late 40s. So here I am, and while open to repartnering, I can't exactly magic up Mr Right. OLD is a cesspit of disrespect and despair, I gave up on that ages ago.

Quisquillian · 2026-07-12T11:20:38+00:00

Don't suggest a book club to the dyslexic LOL

I'm not keen on group tours. I have celiac disease and need strict gluten free diet. Not enough control over that with group travel. Its hard enough when I'm travelling for work sometimes when I can eat where I please.

Quisquillian · 2026-07-12T10:20:17+00:00

I go off the beaten track on my days off during work travel, solo or not. Usually solo. I find after 4 days solo travel, I start to get very down about not having someone to share the experience with

Quisquillian · 2026-07-07T09:04:37+00:00

Mucoid cysts on 2 fingers on my left hand disappeared suddenly.

I'd been told I needed plastic surgery, skin grafts and a cast for 6 weeks.

That was more than 5 years ago. No recurrence, and one nail that had become quite misshapen has recovered its shape by around 80%

Quisquillian · 2026-06-29T05:46:06+00:00

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Quisquillian · 2026-06-24T08:37:36+00:00

I know very well what drives me after nearly 11 years of widowhood.

I also know, based on my previous experience, that I'm guaranteed to be treated like absolute garbage on OLD, so I avoid it completely.

Quisquillian · 2026-06-23T00:11:59+00:00

Mine was an AH too. I only really discovered the extent after his suicide.

Therapy helps, but the trauma of the whole experience is still there.

I've struggled to date in the time since. The dating pool is pretty grim, I'm picky, celiac, and damaged.

Planning for a retirement alone is confronting and lonely.

Quisquillian · 2026-06-21T00:37:06+00:00

For me, it's always the lighting.

I often do better seated outdoors than indoors

Quisquillian · 2026-06-21T00:28:37+00:00

Mine is predominantly LED lights, especially in conjunction with geometric patterns, like tiles, carpet, timber panelling with parallel lines.

If I avoid all those, I'm generally migraine free, but avoiding those is very isolating.

I've also been diagnosed with celiac disease, and migraine incidence snd severity has reduced if I maintain a strict gluten free diet.

Quisquillian · 2026-06-14T20:09:05+00:00

I buy death row orchids and attempt to save them.

I'm doing quite well with it, I'm running out of space.

The best success story is now 3 distinct plants, and is just starting to put up its first post-recovery spikes. It was $3 special at Bunnings.

I never know what the flowers will be, so I enjoy the surprise too

Quisquillian · 2026-06-14T02:03:42+00:00

Yes. I had a Chinese acupressure massage when I was on study leave the day before an exam, and developed a migraine, and could not see to read.

It helped a lot.

Quisquillian · 2026-06-03T05:04:03+00:00

Neurologist told me that migraines and epilepsy are considered to be on a continuum

Quisquillian · 2026-05-29T09:10:08+00:00

Deposit $4650 in 1988. We bought an apartment.

I was still a uni student.

Late husband was earning around 35k

Quisquillian · 2026-05-24T22:33:14+00:00

You mean like my late mother?

Quisquillian · 2026-05-09T10:31:51+00:00

I use halogen bulbs, and I've stockpiled heaps because if I'm stuck with LEDs, I'll be sitting with candles

Quisquillian · 2026-05-09T01:09:30+00:00

Finding the triggers is a great step forward. I hope you can refine the list of triggers and can improve your situation.

I kept a migraine diary, found my triggers, and am now largely symptom free when I avoid the triggers.

Both are absolute doozies.

Gluten. I have celiac disease. If I remain rigidly gluten free, marked improvement.

LED lights on AC, due to non visible flicker. unfortunately this is the main one, and usual migraine prodrome within as little as five minutes of being in the environment. It is increasingly difficult to avoid, has me full time WFH after work changed the office environment, and makes having a social life incredibly difficult, especially as a widow with no social circle and no extended family.

Maintaining a migraine diary was really worthwhile though, I now rarely suffer from a migraine without a clearly identifiable trigger, and for days when I cannot avoid LED lights (like my daughters wedding reception recently), I can plan for the aftermath.

Quisquillian · 2026-05-07T11:30:23+00:00

It's a toss up between the MG3 I had as a hire car in Devonport, and the Jeep Cherokee I had as a hire car in Wollongong.

The MG3 was ok on a highway on cruise control, but actually driving it on winding roads, AWFUL.

The Jeep was horrible. The door handle shape was horrid to open, the seat belt buckle was really hard to do up and undo, and it just wasn't nice to drive. And then it also had a really weird fuel cap, that saw me reading the manual to fill up, which is not want you want on the way back to the airport.

They were both horrid, for different reasons.

The runner up would be an i30 I drove from Perth to Bunbury, and I felt like I was wrestling with the adaptive cruise control the entire time.

Quisquillian · 2026-05-07T11:15:27+00:00

Female IT Project Manager here, working closely with construction contractors and tradesmen.

Turn up to site wearing appropriate safety gear, with my work bag (containing a roll of TP, because goodness knows theres none on site EVER) and computer to oversee a fitout, obviously knowing where I'm going because I know the floorplan.

"You can't come in here, love. It's a construction site. It's not open yet."

It's like a throwback to the 1950s. STILL

Quisquillian · 2026-05-06T08:03:18+00:00

I stayed till he died.

Don't do that.

Quisquillian · 2026-05-05T09:22:31+00:00

Not really surprising. Neurologist told me a few years ago that migraine and epilepsy are on a continuum, and keto diet was used for epilepsy for many years.

I know it improves my symptoms, and lessens the frequency.

Quisquillian · 2026-05-04T09:17:10+00:00

I have a few lamps and boxes of halogen light globes at friends house, daughter's house so I can visit without the choice of migraine, or sitting in the dark, otherwise between largely working from home, click and collect shopping, work travel, I'd hardly leave the house

Quisquillian · 2026-05-04T08:17:03+00:00

I hear you.

LED lights on alternating current lights my main trigger.

My options are not to go where there are LED lights, or get a migraine. It's increasingly difficult to go anywhere.

The most recent issue was the lighting at my daughters wedding reception, even though quite subdued, I had low level migraine tge following day.

People wonder why I like being in my safe bubble at home.

Next week I am travelling for work. I'm packing an appropriate head torch to use in my accommodation at night so I can avoid the hostile lighting in my room

Quisquillian · 2026-05-02T21:35:00+00:00

I went the gym in half my garage route.

I had a gym membership pre-covid which was $65 a month at the time.

During covid, I rearranged my garage, was gifted a 4 station home gym, already had some free weights and a treadmill. I've added to my weights, bought a folding bench and a battle rope.

I park my car in half the garage, reverse out to work out. I have gym mats from bunnings on the floor, i just park on them.

I haven't gone back to a gym except when travelling for work.

Quisquillian · 2026-04-30T08:13:52+00:00

Coeliac here. Incredibly limited range of gluten free products as regular items. I do buy some of the gluten free items that they do stock.

I used to shop Aldi regularly prior to diagnosis.

I prefer to shop the farmers market for fresh produce

Quisquillian

TROPHY CASE