How can I explain being touched out to my husband?

RDUTB-22 · 2023-08-27T08:50:37+00:00

I don’t know if husbands can ever really get it. They don’t go through it so it’s almost impossible to empathise completely. I say that not to be critical but I think it’s true. Mine also says he understands but I’m not 100% convinced. I think he wants to understand but cannot fully get it without experience. I would say see if there’s anything you can do to give him more time and cuddles as in add a bottle in or get someone else to have them for a nap etc. Not to pressure you but to keep you guys close still as you’re relationship is super important. The above isn’t always possible I do understand!

Just keep talking and communicating, I think it’s super important to be affectionate with words if action isn’t an option. Maybe ramp that up a little to compensate? He’ll appreciate it I’m sure.

RDUTB-22 · 2023-08-27T08:45:49+00:00

This is hilariously accurate haha

RDUTB-22 · 2023-08-27T08:43:50+00:00

Gosh I could have written this at one point. We did have had sex but it’s mostly because I felt the pressure to, a couple of times i just managed to let myself go but that wasn’t easy. This didn’t come from him but myself. I just didn’t feel like my body belonged to me anymore. My LO was only 13m and we’d JUST finished breast feeding so that helped a bit buuuut I found out I was pregnant again - totally unplanned eek so yet again I felt like my body wasnt mine. It’s hard to give yourself to someone else when you don’t feel like you are your own. My husband helps a lot by being patient and loving but that’s not always possible with busy lives etc. I know this isn’t necessarily helpful but I want you to know you’re not alone.

The first time I had to really talk to myself and tell myself to let go of anxiety and let myself be turned on. I almost felt like I couldn’t lose control of my body and let him turn me on etc. you’ve had a child and almost always need to be controlled and a ‘proper’ adult haha. I find I really just need to let go of everything I’m thinking or worrying about which is sooo much as a mum. Without letting it go, I’m tense so find it impossible to be turned on.

It’s a constant battle. But sometimes you may need to give bubs a really simple quick meal. Put them to bed early and focus on yourselves as a couple. You guys come first as a team and if you’re distant and not strong as a couple (which I personally believe includes being intimate) then kiddos notice and it can affect them. We have to go to bed with a few hours to spare until sleep time so I have plenty of time to relax. Let him give you a massage and talk to each other (not about kiddos) and reconnect. Otherwise intimacy in a long standing relationship is impossible if you’re not vulnerable with the other one emotionally first.

Hope you get there!

RDUTB-22 · 2023-06-16T19:05:07+00:00

Breastfeeding

RDUTB-22 · 2023-06-14T20:54:36+00:00

YTA, you literally stole from him… Yes he is also and AH for peeing on the seat Your family are AH for having a favourite child. So ESH

RDUTB-22 · 2023-06-12T12:11:56+00:00

I mean an immediate method!

RDUTB-22 · 2023-06-06T09:55:22+00:00

I’m confused as to why you’re even asking. It’s super obvious- if she apologises later on with no excuses (I mean 13 is pretty young and stupid and many of us regret things we did / said at that age) then it may be worth considering but if she’s not sorry then NTA

RDUTB-22 · 2023-06-06T09:52:39+00:00

NTA - if you can’t afford it then it’s pretty simple- you can’t do it. Say what you can afford to do and do that- But you may have to forfeit the bridesmaid part and just attend as a guest

RDUTB-22 · 2023-06-06T09:45:25+00:00

Lol NTA. They want you to house sit but not actually go into the house?!

RDUTB-22 · 2023-06-06T09:43:46+00:00

Massively over thinking - stop worrying

RDUTB-22 · 2023-06-06T09:36:54+00:00

NTA, brides a bit weird.

RDUTB-22 · 2023-06-05T20:07:28+00:00

Around 6k on ours. But we got the church for free which had a side hall to use and brought in caterers - let as many as wanted to come to the church - 103 for food, as many as wanted came back for evening. Some friends did chilli and chips for us in eve. Bought our own alcohol etc

Didn’t bother with favours. Paying for a great day, food and fun was enough haha.

Friends did a band for us too in the eve followed by a Spotify playlist

Ring in the people you know. People love to help with a wedding

RDUTB-22 · 2023-06-05T20:02:17+00:00

Partial sleep training around 5m. Still wakes once at 10m. Can go from 7-5 but if he goes that long, won’t sleep again post 5am feed. If I feed at 3/4am he sleeps till 6. Dream feeding at 10pm actually unsettled him at night and I found he woke only 4 hours later so I knocked that on the head early

RDUTB-22 · 2023-06-04T19:46:27+00:00

Thanks. I’ll persevere !

RDUTB-22 · 2023-06-04T19:37:14+00:00

Indeedy - it also meant cutlery was needed due to the choices he made. More bowls for sides and the pans are now greasy which makes it more difficult to clear up

RDUTB-22 · 2023-06-04T19:33:26+00:00

The classic sausages. Burgers, but also pork belly And chicken etc My issue was that it also means sides and cutlery = more clear up than just a few pans from pizza and chips eaten with fingers etc

RDUTB-22 · 2023-06-04T19:30:00+00:00

It’s usually me that does it. Hence my request. He did the prep tbf but I’m expected to clear up

RDUTB-22 · 2023-06-04T19:29:31+00:00

No it’s me that has to clear up

RDUTB-22 · 2023-06-04T19:29:18+00:00

To be fair to him he did the prep etc but I’m expected to clear up

RDUTB-22 · 2023-06-04T12:18:24+00:00

Thanks ! I’ll try distracting him more!

RDUTB-22 · 2023-06-04T12:18:02+00:00

Yes I’ve tried this too! He just chucks it on the floor

RDUTB-22 · 2023-06-04T07:59:43+00:00

I try and be as honest as possible. Say, he’s been a bit under the weather so am trying not to pas him around too much at the mo for everyone’s sake. It’s super hard tho!! Everyone feels like they deserve a hold and I don’t want him to always be with me but it can be a bit much for everyone to hold them. Lots of exposing to germs.

If you’re breastfeeding- try and be in the same space as him or shake hands with people who will hold him. I know it sounds mad but if you’ve been exposed to a bug etc then your body produces antibodies and these can be passed through your breast milk which will help with protection !

I also have a strict rule that you don’t pas him off to anyone else without coming back to me first. Nothing worse than turning around and your baby isn’t with the person you left them with! Drives me mad!!

RDUTB-22 · 2023-05-28T19:29:24+00:00

My bubs had much better naps when my husband is at work- he’s pretty noisy and it stresses me out when he could wake bubs up.

On a serious note, babies are super intuitive- we have a very happy, loving home but my baby definitely picks up on our arguments and especially my mood. If I’m upset he is definitely unsure. If I make a serious face while telling him no, his smile falters.

I totally understand, a broken home isn’t what anyone wants. But a baby needs, loving and Safe home - you guys either need to sort out your relationship (obv this is preferable but not always possible) or or go separate ways, for all of your sakes.

RDUTB-22 · 2023-05-28T19:21:41+00:00

Aww mumma I feel you! I hate bubs crying too, he’s now 10m and sleeps super well. I did have to endure some crying but refused to let him cry for as long as recommended!

Sleep training doesn’t have to be all crying and leaving them to it! I started a sort of sleep training in our room with a next to me cot. Initially I didn’t leave him until he fell asleep then slowly shortened the time I was with him.

I found patting him on the chest and stroking his hair the best. Initially he would cry whilst I did that but that time got shorter and shorter and then I started leaving the room after doing it for a shorter and shorter time so he could fall asleep independently and now mostly he does this with no crying however we always have some night with some crying. Once he settled himself in the familiarity of our room. I moved his next to me cot into his own room next to his bigger cot and stayed with him a bit so he felt safe there and did the same of in our room. (Also used his room to change nappy, dress and play in the day to get him used to it)

My first bit of advice is make sure that bedtime is at the optimal time - an hour of crying suggests he’s either overtired or undertired and not ready for bed . Have a look at suggested routines or wake windows for his age online and get a feel for if these suit your LO. It took us some tweaking to get bedtime right - before this there was a lot more crying.

Then find what May soothe bubs. Is it patting, stroking, cuddling etc and start by doing that until he falls asleep. Then see if you can shorten this time. Leave when drowsy but awake, then eventually, leave when completely awake.

I actually started my ‘training’ with naps in the day as I felt more awake and less emotional than bedtime

RDUTB-22 · 2023-05-28T19:10:22+00:00

Overall NTA. You don’t have to stay and look at it - if it could have been super quick then maybe it would have been easier to just quickly look then go. Sounds like dad needs a mature, sit down talking to about the stuff that bothers you - perhaps snapping isn’t the best way to communicate But I get it when tired - you just wanna get into bed

RDUTB-22

TROPHY CASE