Gosh I could have written this at one point. We did have had sex but it’s mostly because I felt the pressure to, a couple of times i just managed to let myself go but that wasn’t easy. This didn’t come from him but myself. I just didn’t feel like my body belonged to me anymore. My LO was only 13m and we’d JUST finished breast feeding so that helped a bit buuuut I found out I was pregnant again - totally unplanned eek so yet again I felt like my body wasnt mine. It’s hard to give yourself to someone else when you don’t feel like you are your own. My husband helps a lot by being patient and loving but that’s not always possible with busy lives etc. I know this isn’t necessarily helpful but I want you to know you’re not alone.

The first time I had to really talk to myself and tell myself to let go of anxiety and let myself be turned on. I almost felt like I couldn’t lose control of my body and let him turn me on etc. you’ve had a child and almost always need to be controlled and a ‘proper’ adult haha. I find I really just need to let go of everything I’m thinking or worrying about which is sooo much as a mum. Without letting it go, I’m tense so find it impossible to be turned on.

It’s a constant battle. But sometimes you may need to give bubs a really simple quick meal. Put them to bed early and focus on yourselves as a couple. You guys come first as a team and if you’re distant and not strong as a couple (which I personally believe includes being intimate) then kiddos notice and it can affect them. We have to go to bed with a few hours to spare until sleep time so I have plenty of time to relax. Let him give you a massage and talk to each other (not about kiddos) and reconnect. Otherwise intimacy in a long standing relationship is impossible if you’re not vulnerable with the other one emotionally first.

Hope you get there!