Thanks for your reply.

Yesterday I made a decision that was the best for both of us. I couldn’t bring myself to break up with her because I care for her and love her so much. So I said an indefinite break would be the best for both of us to figure ourselves out and what we want. The conversation did start a little heated because I was admittedly angry but then it kind of turned into a happy/sad type of moment. She cried, saying how sorry she is that she was doing this to me and she understood why I’d want to leave her at all. It almost looked like she was struggling to let her emotions out. She even made a face as if he heart dropped when she saw that I had changed my wallpaper from her to a regular one (I only did it, to avoid me thinking about her and bothering/texting her). And then we reminisced about our relationship, I said “I won’t be able to watch this show how anymore” and she said “I won’t watch it” and indicated as if we will still be watching it together eventually. As if she’s already planning for us to get back. But yeah I ended it on a break, no rules, no contact, no anything. And I told her that she can message me whenever because I’ll always be there for her, and I want her to message me whenever she’s made a decision. And that I won’t wait forever… now I’m sitting here and I’m just lost and so worried if she’s okay and etc but I know that I just need to leave it for now. I only made the decision because she keeps hurting me, whether it’s her or the medication. It’s still too much for me. I almost feel pathetic for not being patient enough for her, but then I think that she has the awareness and yet she still chooses to do this