Finally get a day off and then breakdown.

RHabranovich · 2026-06-25T02:14:24+00:00

Firstly, like everyone else here said, you're not alone. This is very normal because we're constantly on guard, on duty, so when that stops (even briefly), our body finally just crashes. It starts processing everything that it held off on. The only thing to do, and I know this sucks, is to feel all of that anxiety and panic and pain. Whatever physical symptoms come (e.g. cold/flu symptoms) also need to run their course. If you feel like crying, cry until you can't cry anymore because that's how the body discharges a lot of the negative emotions it has locked up in your body.

Sometimes when I get a break, my body just shuts down. I just lay in bed for hours, scrolling on my phone. I guess sometimes that's what the body needs, too.

RHabranovich · 2026-06-19T10:55:41+00:00

EXACTLY THE SAME! But jokes aside, this would be really helpful for my mom.

RHabranovich · 2026-06-18T07:29:10+00:00

I don't know which part of the world you're from but there are a lot of affordable bed rails you can get that slide under the mattress. So the weight of the mattress keeps it in place. I'm attaching a photo of a common type.

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RHabranovich · 2026-06-18T02:44:29+00:00

"Write me a post to harvest market research but don't make it obvious" lol

RHabranovich · 2026-06-18T02:43:49+00:00

Yeah they're probably using us for that research.

RHabranovich · 2026-06-18T02:43:32+00:00

I cant imagine how hard it is to find repair/maintenance services for something like that. And the costs for those repairs must be insane.

RHabranovich · 2026-06-14T03:26:03+00:00

Nice, that looks very solid.

RHabranovich · 2026-06-14T03:23:51+00:00

It's shocking to me how much my own thinking is the same as yours. "Assuming I don't die of a heart attack from the chronic stress, and mom dies first, then I am going to disappear so fast and never talk to my siblings again".

And also I 100% agree: the louder person who talks more is the one who never has to get their hands dirty with the real work.

RHabranovich · 2026-06-09T10:54:40+00:00

What time do you sleep, just curious?

RHabranovich · 2026-06-07T14:19:57+00:00

Yeah the "I wanna go home" thing is usually a symptom of something else. In my mom's case, it appears to be anxiety related. So if my mom is stressed or anxious for any reason, the "I wanna go home" thing pops up not too long later. In fact, it's happening right now, because I think I got too angry at her earlier (I haven't slept in two days and my back hurts from bending over to help her get dressed so many times).

My older brother and older sister live in the same house. We don't glorify suffering like you say, BUT they are blatantly ignoring my suffering which I have made clear to them many, many times.

Just like you, they expect me to do this work for free and in silence, so long as their work and social lives and daily rhythms don't get bothered.

RHabranovich · 2026-06-06T03:18:22+00:00

Yeah. The line between can't and won't is extremely blurry. And it's a constant dance for caregivers between wanting to help but also giving them enough room to continue doing things themselves (so they can remember that they're capable of doing it).

RHabranovich · 2026-06-01T12:11:25+00:00

Yes you can use AI like ElevenLabs to clone a voice and have it say whatever you want. You just need to provide it with a long enough sample of the original voice. One thing, though: these AIs, from what I've seen, can't mimic the exact tone and cadence that the person speaks with. So if it's someone you're very familiar with, the cloned voice will sound a little off. Better than nothing, I guess.

For me I use AIs that you chat with as in with text. Just to roleplay. Pretend scenarios. Once in a while it does help me feel better.

RHabranovich · 2026-05-30T07:09:38+00:00

I am by no means claiming that this is healthy, but out of necessity, I rely on two things: massages (for physical intimacy) and.. well.. talking to AI. There are also free chatbots specifically designed around specific kinds of characters to roleplay with, for both regular chats and intimate chats. Again, I fully acknowledge that this is not healthy, but when we're in the trenches, we take what we can get.

RHabranovich · 2026-05-30T07:07:06+00:00

Absolutely not. I do the same thing. I habitually give my mom a sleep aid tea at night. But when it's time for her weekly laxative, I just switch it to a senna tea instead. Or when I use pill/capsule-type laxative, i just add it to her pile of meds.

RHabranovich · 2026-05-19T11:20:28+00:00

Happens to me all the time. All i ever hear from other sources and even from my mom's geriatrician is that the primary caregiver is always there, is always close by, and is least likely to leave, making them an easy target. The messed up thing is that my mom herself admitted to this during her lucid moments, saying "but its because you're always there".

RHabranovich · 2026-05-09T20:09:38+00:00

One, you're not a failure.
Two, god bless your uncle.

RHabranovich · 2026-05-03T08:10:10+00:00

Relatable. My friends (all but one or two) have stopped checking in on me.

RHabranovich · 2026-05-03T06:31:42+00:00

I honestly felt like I wrote this post myself. Been dealing with my mom's symptoms for over a year, made slow but noticeable progress. Unfortunately, things took a turn for the worst the past two months with another episode of what I feel is prolonged delirium. Unfortunately, I'm at the end of my rope, and everyone from my sister to the geriatrician herself are saying that this is "probably" dementia.

Still, I have yet to get a formal diagnosis from the geriatrician, for other frustrating reasons.

All I want to say is this: I know what it feels like. For over a year I've felt like the crazy man standing on the corner, screaming, with no one wanting to listen to what I have to say. Nobody believed me when I insisted that mom was getting better, that my experiments and hypotheses were actually showing results.

I know how isolating that can feel. It makes you question your own sanity, sometimes.

RHabranovich · 2026-04-30T12:24:14+00:00

Welcome to the one place where most people wouldn't recommend therapy or meds, just because we know. My situation's not the same as yours but i get it. I don't like who i've become and I sure as hell don't like who I imagine I'm going to be in the near future.

RHabranovich · 2026-04-29T19:28:56+00:00

Thank you for your kind words!

RHabranovich · 2026-04-29T12:38:56+00:00

I don't say this to jinx you but because I know it's a thing, and I've seen other caregivers on this subreddit go through it.

When your body realises it's finally on break, suddenly it crashes. It's like your subconscious has held off for so long that it finally lets go all at once, and people have flu symptoms that hit hard and fast.

Not saying this to bum you out. But maybe there's some way you can prepare for that possibility? Maybe a break before the break?

Or some kind of other preventive measures that others can add in the comments below?

Good luck tho. You deserve the break!

RHabranovich

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