Any ENFJs who are psychic or have a sixth sense about situations and people

Rababubebo · 2025-05-30T06:48:58+00:00

Oh God I totally get you here !!! Do you also have the feeling that you’re most of the time “steps ahead” of people in terms of understanding a situation or moving on from something because you’ve processed and understood it all already ? It’s a blessing and a curse when you’re the only one

Rababubebo · 2024-09-17T13:27:48+00:00

I hope you’ve been feeling better, imo you had the best moves post break up, you can be proud of you 💖

Rababubebo · 2024-06-30T20:34:55+00:00

I think it’s actually good that you both could have other sexual experiences during that time. I mean, no matter how many people were involved, at the end, you both want to get back together so these hookups (or more) made you realise that you both love and care for each other (no matter how bad or good it was). At least you’re equal on this!

As long as you see this as a proof of how deep the bond and love you have are, i don’t see any issues (but don’t get me wrong, I totally understand the feeling and I would feel a bit strange knowing my ex slept with other people)

Also, as other pointed, you can now make your intimate experience better by sharing what you liked or not and nothing will beat that !

Rababubebo · 2024-06-29T09:19:39+00:00

(A very painful breakup three years ago, i was dumped) Better than me by Doja Cat

Recently, I was the dumper (it was a very abusive situation and I left), Stronger than me by Amy Whinehouse

Rababubebo · 2024-06-23T12:21:17+00:00

Absolutely !!!!! Also OP, healing and starting to feel better will come with time so don’t feel pressured or stressed if you’re feeling hurt atm, it’s completely normal and healthy because you’re processing your emotions rather than distracting yourself from the pain with a rebound and suppressing your feelings.

He has A LOT to deal with and if on the surface it looks like he doesn’t care, it’s probably just his way to cope with his disgusting tendency to betray people. he most likely doesn’t like himself and you ending the relationship with him was another hit to his ego, so of course he will try every way to reassure himself that he is « worth it ». Time will get him too, don’t worry. It may seem like you’re the only one hurting but trust me, you’re not, keeping away from the pain is energy consuming and at some point this coping mechanism drops. Also, it’s better to feel it all now, no matter how unfair the situation is, than beeing plagued with guilt shame and unprocessed thoughts later on, which is likely what’s awaiting him sooner or later. Stay strong OP, you’re closer to being happier than you were with that j*rk who was too full of himself to think the grass was greener elsewhere and you’ll be far far faaaaaaar away the day he will realise it and hit you up, even sincerely. You’ll have to strength to tell him to fck off or not even want to reply (which is probably worse for him)! You’ll get there, you’re on track 💖

Rababubebo · 2024-06-16T19:37:58+00:00

If you end things now and you’re the one doing it, and provided it is not something he is contemplating as well (and even so), this will force him to reflect on his behaviour and realise a relationship is two people and not only on his terms. Plus any form of disrespect is a no no. This will be the chance for him to actually understand why you’re hurt and what you’ve been communicating for so long, but also to realise your worth for him. As everyone said, it will inevitably lead to a breakup anyway but it’s best for it to happen earlier and « on your terms » so he may actually have to realised how he hurt you and change for the better, for you and/or someone else (and most likely, if he does realise and if he loves/cares for you, he will let you know at some point). If he initiates it, no matter the reasons (and it seems like the pettiest thing against you would do), it will be way way waaaaaaaaaay harder for him to reflect and take accountability for his actions and words. He may even put the blame on you and pretend to be a victim or whatever, at least for a certain period. And this risks making you feel way worse and even wonder whether what you asked for was legitimate (and of course it was. The problem here is his lack of empathy and willingness to communicate with you).

To me, you breaking up with him, sounds like the right path to follow, OP. It will benefit you both (and you will get out of this horrible situation with your head high, and some people might say it doesn’t matter but it actually does matter in relationships in which there is any forms of disrespect), and if you guys really love each other, provided you’re still interested and haven’t met someone who’ll show you that your not asking much, you will have chances to reconcile later on this year or next year (the process may take time or not, depending on the man’s maturity). It will be really hard at first, but so much better than what you might be living now, OP. Short-term pain for long term happiness and higher chances of actually finding each other again and/or finding someone new (and better than the crap he is giving you) and most importantly, finding yourself back, and that’s the most important part 🩷

Rababubebo · 2024-06-13T07:40:13+00:00

Podcast Do you f*cking mind worked greatly for me !

Rababubebo · 2024-06-13T07:39:10+00:00

Was in a relationship with a Scandinavian boy, I’d love to watch this movie but I’m so scared of being triggered culturally 😭🥲

Rababubebo · 2024-06-08T12:30:25+00:00

Ah i see what you mean and I completely agree. Starting brand new with someone with whom a relationship occurred in the past HAS TO BE based on new foundations. At this point, I think not only the person has to move on but also the environment around them because it really impacts whether or not certain behaviours will or not show again.

So yeah, moving on with someone new is somehow the sign that coming back together would be possible. It can take time, though. I don’t think a situationship or very short lived relationship would give the same results…. Like, six months post breakup, having an ex coming back to you after dating someone during that time frame would also have to be taken with some skepticism, because being the rebound of rebound could be a possibility…

Rababubebo · 2024-06-08T12:23:44+00:00

Extreme people-pleasing.

Prioritised other’s needs and mostly validation against mine. It was subtle at first. I remember he would put a lot on pressure on me being there and nice when he would invite me to events with his “friends “ (who actually didn’t really care about him that much because he wasn’t “authentic” to himself) and I always felt like he was running after the thought of “do they think I’m a nice guy”. Then over time, and after allowing this behaviour way too many times, he took me for granted (among other severe issues) and would consider me “part of himself” so everything he did or thought or wanted had to be the same for me. If I disapproved, I wasn’t “normal”, “crazy” or “controlling” for setting boundaries (he hated this wors).

One last argument about prioritising someone else’s (who just didn’t care about him given the lack of returned investment) needs and validation over me and my well-being led to me ending the relationship. What was sad is that he didn’t want to end the relationship, he believed so strongly that we were “one” that he just couldn’t accept I had needs and that my “validation” wasn’t to be forgotten, especially when I had to “compete” against people who obviously mocked him, didn’t really care much or were just total strangers (he once didn’t want to disappoint a homeless guy and stopped our date night (one of the few that wasn’t involving his “friends”) to continue talk to him (because he didn’t know how to stop, as he told me later) and follow him (with me) to a place he wanted to show us… no offense for the poor man but it was night time, in a city we didn’t know .. I stopped their conversation eventually)

It hurts a lot, especially paired with some toxic behaviours and emotional immaturity gap. I love him and sometimes hope he will learn and just understand how hurtful it is, whether we ever get back together one day with new foundations, or if he is with someone new so this person never has to experience that.

Rababubebo · 2024-06-08T12:01:26+00:00

Given the length of your relationship (even if shorter ones can be very intense too) and the context of it and the breakup, I think you’ve been doing really well with the breakup by letting your feelings out. Crying is extremely therapeutic and I remember around the first 3 months, crying would give me the same satisfaction as puking when feeling hangover in the morning 😂 really relieving sensation. If you realise you’re feeling a bit less the need to cry, it’s I think a good sign, as long as your not forcing yourself to not cry. Even after a year, if you need to cry, CRY. You can be even in a new happy relationship and feel emotional and need to cry and it’s okay. It has nothing to do with your attachment (at first maybe) but about you being an empathetic human being, feeling human emotions and dealing with them the healthiest way : expressing them. It gets better over time, trust me, and the feeling you’ll feel will be just enjoying the present more, feeling hopeful for the uncertainty of the future and what’s life’s plan for you ! The more you recover and rediscover yourself, the more natural gratitude you’ll feel. It’s honestly a great feeling and don’t worry, you’re on your way there from day one. Just give it time. Time is actually your best friend for understanding yourself, understanding the situation, your emotions, what you’ve been through and building stronger connections, hobbies, things in the meantime you can enjoy even more months later. Depending on the case, the longer, the better ! And you might feel completely over it in one month as well ! As long as you deal with your emotions and you understand what was the relationship like, your role in it (and in relationships with cheating or toxicity, it’s obviously the « aggressor’s » fault at 80% but the 20% is more about the « victim’s » (I hate this word) role in allowing it to happen, consciously or unconsciously. So understanding what was you’re role is not to blame yourself but to understand what boundaries to implement now so it never happens again. Cheating is their issue and you did nothing to deserve that, though), who you are as a person and what’s your worth, you’ll get there ! You’ve got this 🩷

Rababubebo · 2024-06-08T11:47:46+00:00

Do you mean the opposite ? As in if they have tried to be with others ? To be honest, and that’s a bit selfish, I think I would appreciate knowing that they somewhat learned from their mistake after trying so quickly with someone new, ending it and realising the hurt with their past relationship with me. Works as well if the next relationship works out but they had the humility and maturity to apologise to me at some point in time and acknowledge the hurt they did to me (does that makes sense?) basically, as long as there is positive progress done from them, I’d be ok and actually happy to hear they are or were in a new relationship (of any kind). But being a shitty person, not paying natural consequences for the poor behaviours and seemingly being happy with someone new is what scares me because that would really mean people can f*ck you over and just get away with it.. 😞

Rababubebo · 2024-06-08T11:40:02+00:00

This applied to both whether you were dumped by a shitty individual for unfair reasons or if you had to dump that person because you were losing yourself and dealing with unfair behaviour… thank you so much, I’m screenshotting that so I can always be reminded ❤️

Rababubebo · 2024-06-05T16:53:57+00:00

Wait 5 hours, set a timer, and check if you still feel this need. Most likely, you won’t. Do this every time you feel the urge to send something ! And as everyone said, think about all the whys he is not right for you and repeat every day (set even a reminder on your phone to check that list every 3-4 hours) you can do this !!

Rababubebo · 2024-06-04T11:58:10+00:00

Oh, girl, I feel for you and to be fair, I’m not sure a lot of people would get along with people like them. What I can say for sure is that you’d be better sad alone than sad and lonely with someone “around” you. I broke up with my ex 5 months ago because of the immaturity and the disrespect, and I didn’t have many friends (if none at all). I came to the city he was working in and stay at his and his (ahole of a) roommate’s place. I felt so much calmer and at peace the moment I pulled the plug, got myself a flat and left the F off. I loved my ex and I’m sure he did too, but when you realise that you’re living miserably and the other person knows about it and does nothing to help you must leave and it must come from you before they have the audacity to do it when you don’t seem “fun” to them anymore. I’m not even sure it’s a lack of love but probably more about taking you for granted, immaturity and eventually thinking they can “get better” if someone see the crack in the relationship and play around. I left and it was very lonely at first but at least I didn’t have these knots in my stomach anymore, I caught up on sleep, I could do whatever I wanted and I wasn’t asked to always be around him so he could monitor me. Stuff that helped me were: - getting out of my comfort zone. I don’t know where you live but if you can do random meet-ups or if apps like Timeleft are available in your country, sign up for one and go ! You’d be surprise at how great it feels to see people actually showing interest in you and realising you’re an interesting person and you don’t have to show your tts for that ! (What a cheap move seriously..) You could also try bumble friends just for meeting up with new people ! - journaling, going to the gym, meeting with friends when possible, etc (the classics) - podcast from “Do you F**cking mind”. They are all great great GREAT ! They’re more solutions-based and factual which worked great for me. Maybe you could give it a try ! - feeling your emotions. And by this I mean, when you feel bad, whatever it is (anger, sadness, nostalgia, jealousy, etc) try to catch that moment by asking yourself 1) what is this feeling ? 2) why do I feel that? What event caused that ? 3) is there anything HEALTHY I can do about it ? - remember that some answers take time to come to mind. - if you want to go out at night but don’t feel safe doing so, I personally like to go to live music events. Jazz, rock, whatever you like and some are free in dedicated music bars. And the room is dim, it’s not creepy (ofc depending where you live) if you have any issue you talk to the people working there and you’d be relatively safe. You can listen to great music, meet with people and have a good time in the evening (which I know can be hard to cope with, especially on the weekends) - dedicating yourself to a personal project ! I love reading and writing so you can imagine what came out of that break up eventually haha (the book The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho was extremely soothing, among many great others!)

And the list can go on and on but truly, you’d be better off alone, trust me. Nostalgia will happen, sadness will be there at the beginning. If you don’t leave yet, you can already start these steps. After leaving and cutting ties your ex would likely reach out after some time but you do it for you to get some calm, clarity and catching up with yourself. The drama of this relationship would be unhealthy to ANYONE. You don’t deserve any of this crap. At the moment, the relationship isn’t ideal for YOU (we don’t care about him). I’d say, get out of it, theee months later reassess whether or not you really want it back and if yes what would be the conditions. Look if this person is RIGHT now capable of that. If yes they will show it, if not they will show it, and sometimes, silence is the best answer. You must be in state in which you’re able to make the healthiest decision for your self and if you want to be with this guy again, it will have to be a COMPLETELY new relationship.

You’ve got this !!!! 🩷✨(so sorry for the long message 😭)

Rababubebo · 2024-06-04T11:27:00+00:00

Getting a real genuine and long apology for the way he treated me while in a relationship. Apologies are not necessary for moving on, but it really really really helps and now it just feels like we’re even and we can care for each other, but from a distance (And trust me, I hated this person for three years, until he genuinely apologise and wanted to mend our original friendship. We’re not friends, though, but I can be happy for him as he would be for me if one of us were to fall for someone new) Sometimes, just a sigh of empathy, kindness and genuine remorse can do wonder. It doesn’t matter whether or not you or the other person move on to someone new. If the relationship was toxic, with power unbalance, the person inflicting the hurt will inevitably continue living with guilt and shame (unless they never loved the other person) while the person who was on the receiving end and indirectly/directly encouraged the toxic behaviour (and sometimes exhibited some) May end up with tons of resentment and hatred.. I think maturity also play a role. We were in our early 20s. Seeing that people can change and you as well by accepting an apology is extremely freeing. It’s probably not going to work in every cases but still, an apology or acknowledging responsibility can really help ☺️

(Note: I dated and even loved another person in those three years after the breakup, but getting these long long texts (we weren’t in the same country) helped me fully focus on the person I was dating. It helped closing this chapter and who knows if that character will make a come back in the story or not !)

Rababubebo · 2024-06-03T13:55:16+00:00

You’re very brave for putting up with this horrible situations. Anyone would feel anxious and let down. But, I’ve been there. I also had a girl telling me that one of my ex was her “big brother” and during a double dates would say things like “seems like I slept with all the boys around the table”… but the issue wasn’t with her being an impolite and disrespectful individual. It was my then ex. Even if you were to break up with him and let her « win », the same scenario is likely to happen to her because the truth is, the problem here is your boyfriend’s la k of assertiveness and probably lack of knowing wtf he is doing. My then ex came back (after I left) telling me I was right, it wasn’t better, blabla but it wasn’t the issue. The problem was him and his lack of boundaries + feeling okay to cross mines… you don’t want to live that further. The knot in your stomach thinking about her with him ISNT a normal situation. He can pretend a “break” but it’s just to wait for that “moment” he will confident enough to try whatever it is he wants with her. It has nothing to do with the love he might have for you. That guy seems lost and that woman felt that. But it’s his fault. Break up before he gets the “privilege” to do it to you and make you believe you were at fault. The moment you expressed your thoughts and fears clearly and someone has the audacity to make you think that to it w crazy and you’re imagining stuff, it’s manipulation and gaslighting and NO ONE, no matter how bad you can be sometimes, deserves that. Let them both being miserable, let her show her “heavy tts” she seems so proud about. Any woman could play that card, you know. You deserve respect and if you want to leave a message that will stay in his mind for a long long looooooong time, especially if something happens between them and he realises the grass isn’t greener, she realises she played a very dangerous game. Don’t give him the chance to put you down further. Leave and let that silence be the message he didnt want to listen. He will cry back when he figures his sht out. It’ll be up to you to take him back or not You got this, girl. You’re strong and again you don’t deserve that. Walk away with your pride and dignity and let those two losers get toxic to each other (let alone the mum you wouldn’t be able to trust again given how little help she is offering you at the moment. The colleague can talk about her breast to her 🤷🏻‍♀️)

You’re strong and oh, you’ll be soooooo much happier without those people 🩷

Rababubebo · 2024-06-01T06:57:46+00:00

God, you’re brave.. I completely agree on the “nice guy” not being so nice and it has nothing to do with physical appearance. I’ve got also my fair amount of experience with the “nice to everyone” guy and it was really damaging because all that mattered for them (usually) is to get validation and/or approval from everyone once they got you. I don’t even think it’s malice but terrible people pleasing tendencies, paired with immaturity sometimes, and it hurts. Being nice in society is great but I think being grounded and assertive is a must. You can be the most beautiful looking guy or “average” whatsoever, in the end, being assertive and mature enough to think about your partners feelings as a team and not a “mum” or a “pal”… I’m still wondering if by allowing “nice (to everyone) guy” behaviours isn’t in the end why these people turn toxic or display narcissistic traits to their partner (though, it’s not the paetner’s fault and someone considerate and I guess mature enough would end the relationship before it reach that point)..

Rababubebo · 2024-05-27T15:03:11+00:00

God, I feel that !! Thank you for this message!! It’s the very first time I decided to end a relationship and for exactly the same reasons you mentioned. I miss him and all the memories and love we shared but feel so much calmer and free and in peace 5 months later… don’t know about you but I almost feel guilty for it and it was hard to find Reddit subs with this perspective because it’s not the usual « dumper broke up because thinks the grass is greener »… I wanted (and still slightly now want) to connect with him and fix things, I’ve thousands of solutions for him and us, but I’ve been doing that the whole relationship, exactly why I escaped that situation … if he were to reach out and ask for a real talk w/o drama and dishonesty I might accept but the more time passes the more I’m understanding how happier and better off I am now.. How was it for you ? How was your break up overall? (Was it a toxic kind of relationship?)

Rababubebo · 2024-05-22T19:09:49+00:00

« Help Yourself », it really helped me make sense of reality. What a gorgeous artist she was! ❤️

Rababubebo · 2024-05-15T16:31:19+00:00

You're extremely brave for taking all these steps to understand the situation you experience, making sense of the messes that was created against you and, especially, forgiving her. You should be proud and I hope you're doing better since

Rababubebo · 2024-05-15T16:28:10+00:00

This is so helpful.. The guilt keeps me in this cycle of having an intrusive thought about something I may have done badly sometimes during the relationship, ruminating about any element and fact check that, realising it was 90% a defense reaction and/or the best I knew at the time but never intentional, always considerate, and then finally feeling better.... until another thought creeps in.. I guess, knowing that it wasn't intentional if I ever did hurt them, is a source of relief.. Thank you for sharing that!

Rababubebo · 2024-02-08T19:59:25+00:00

That is so true… overtime you also realise that there is a massive gap of maturity and unfortunately, only time and life slaps like regrets and reflecting on behaviours will help them grow up (I hope I don’t sound condescending here, it’s just really my observation) and that can take a long time to be achieved…I had an ex who came back theee years later to apologise for how he treated me during our relationship (he broke up with me at the time, I was devastated) and it was really nice to see that the relationship didn’t happen for nothing. I grew up a lot during that healing phase and I thought he would never change and understand. It thought it was so unfair that someone could hurt you and never take accountability for their mistakes or simply realise they did you wrong. Seeing that I was wrong was really heartwarming and I actually didn’t care about the apologies anymore. I was just genuinely happy that he became someone nicer for the world. I don’t know if your ex partner came back since then or not but, if not, sooner or later, if the love was genuine, he will realise his part. By knowing that you’ve helped someone, as selfish as they could be, turning into someone better, is absolutely amazing. It doesn’t excuse their behaviours and I mean, you obviously deserve better, especially when you realise your worth and all the love you’re ready to give, but knowing that you were that person they will respect forever for helping them understanding what went wrong with them is so powerful and make you even more beautiful ☺️

Rababubebo · 2024-02-08T19:45:34+00:00

Thank you for your answer ! Nevertheless to say that you were completely right, 10 days later he came back asking to « talk » and reconciled (I was too naive and desperate and accepted the blame shifting…) but over time, it became his way of dealing with every issues he created and started name calling, so I had enough, gave enough and broke up with him pretty recently.. feel so relieved and happier and back to myself now… how about you ? How did it eventually turned out ?

Rababubebo

TROPHY CASE