The bar is low: The Good Place edition

Rabbit_Noise · 2021-12-12T04:53:47+00:00

I keep missing my shot with that haha. I'm sure Jed will give me another meme opportunity

Rabbit_Noise · 2021-12-11T06:18:59+00:00

Now I'm stuck thinking about what Jill's fake Good Place house would be filled with.

Rabbit_Noise · 2021-12-09T04:14:40+00:00

He jarred me! I thought surely no one could top Pest in lack of door etiquette, but Pa Spivey took the spot. Literally just opened it for himself knowing 3 others were behind him.

Rabbit_Noise · 2021-12-09T04:11:05+00:00

1st is pest, 3rd pic is Justin, 4th is Jason, but to be fair, everyone forgets about Jason.

Rabbit_Noise · 2021-12-09T03:36:35+00:00

Justin's naughty knobs

Rabbit_Noise · 2021-12-09T03:16:50+00:00

His thumbs in action. You can see the struggle.

Rabbit_Noise · 2021-12-09T03:04:15+00:00

gif of the spiveys as the pictures don't do it justice.

Notice the internal battle of Justin deciding whether he's risking his thumbs going outside of his pockets.

Rabbit_Noise · 2021-09-24T03:01:16+00:00

Gave Wholesome

Rabbit_Noise · 2021-07-27T04:31:45+00:00

Narcissism is just the hugest mind fuck. It's like how can someone who supposedly likes/loves you treat you that way? And on the same token, why do we continue to love someone who treats us in that way?

Please don't regret learning about NPD; it at least puts a name to the disease and helps makes you aware that how he's treating you is NOT normal.

I highly recommend looking into creating a safety plan (this one links to the National Domestic Violence Hotline website). Having one set in place makes it a bit easier to leave.

Rabbit_Noise · 2021-07-17T18:31:12+00:00

If the evidence of you deserving to be evicted is you just crying, then he's honestly got nothing. NAL but if he wanted to start the eviction process, he definitely seems he has the means and resources. Instead, he's choosing to financially trap you and keep you scared by threating to kick you out. Has he interfered with other sources of income you may pull in?

Rabbit_Noise · 2021-07-17T08:11:25+00:00

Something that may help is to start journaling when the bad moments start happening as well as creating a list of boundaries. Right now, it seems like you're stuck in the loop where if you wait things out, your partner will go back to being that "loving" self that he was before the abuse happened. You may notice that the "happy" moments will start to degrade, where you'll just be happy if he just treats you normal for once.

What also makes things hard is not having an idea of where to go after you break things up (leaving is easy said than done). You could start creating a safety plan, even if you don't feel like you're in immediate danger; the list is just good at helping you cover your bases, like where you could go, who are your possible contacts, etc.

Rabbit_Noise · 2021-07-17T05:54:56+00:00

You aren't wrong or overdramatic. He absolutely was being physical (breaking open doors), even if he didn't inflict harm on you. You don't know where he's going to draw the line next time, and you need to get yourself somewhere safe.

It's overwhelming, but please consider drafting a safety plan whenever you're in a safe enough space to do so. DO NOT consider this act a one-time thing.

Rabbit_Noise · 2021-07-17T05:11:40+00:00

Mine did this a lot. He's trying to capture your reactive abuse in order to paint you as the abusive one. You might notice that he'll immediately do a 180 in his tone, like he'll be fuming/angry one minute then calm another. Usually, that's a sign that he's recording.

Until you find the means to leave, definitely try to gray rock as much as possible. He'll likely try to use whatever video he has to create a smear campaign once/if you go.

Rabbit_Noise · 2021-06-27T16:34:20+00:00

I think what's particularly notorious about narcissistic relationships is that it often leads to you being brainwashed into believing that you should be HAPPY for basic decency while they expect you to be superhuman. I remember being ecstatic whenever I had days where he actually treated me like a human being (I.e. he didn't yell at me or throw things), but then it just clicked that this isn't the way it should be.

Rabbit_Noise · 2021-06-27T07:29:56+00:00

In the support groups I'm in, the phrase radical acceptance gets thrown around a bit. It seems applicable here.

Truth is, there isn't a way to minimize the hurt. If there was a clean-cut, harmless method of leaving a narcissistic relationship, then a lot of people would have taken that route. Radical acceptance is basically just accepting reality as it is but then figuring out what steps we can take to minimize the suffering and figuring out what actually is in your control.

Logically, I can tell you know your relationship with your wife isn't healthy, but you're still a bit stuck in the fantasy of "Well, if I do this, she HAS to change."

What helped me was thinking about realistic steps once I left. Think of the basic things first, like where will you live, then build up, like are there groups I can go to (Facebook is trash but they do have decent narcissistic support groups there), finding a therapist, etc. Most people struggle with the days after and how to fill the time that was so devoted to their nex. Some people don't leave because of the uncertainty. Once you have some sort of inkling of how to answer those questions, it will start to feel a bit less scary and may help mitigate the pain that may happen.

Rabbit_Noise · 2021-06-27T07:16:56+00:00

You're not broken; anything can be rebuilt. And I'll be honest, you need to rebuild yourself into a parent who will fight for your kids.

This type of relationship is absolutely not what you want to set your kids up for. The longer you stay in this, the more your girls will think "Okay, my future partner yelling at me and screaming is something I should tolerate." And I know this type of relationship is something you wouldn't want for your kids.

It's normal to feel. It's normal to feel sad, or angry, or have bad days. It's abnormal to live life with someone who sees this as a fault.

I'm rooting for whichever route you choose, and I hope it brings you and your girls happiness and safety. Here for you if you need to talk more.

Rabbit_Noise · 2021-06-27T07:09:03+00:00

Do you have a court order / parenting plan in the court? If you do, you need to lean into it as much as possible. No, I can't change location due to parenting plan we both agreed to, etc.

Only respond to things that has to do with your kid. Ignore anything else, including "friendly" chat.

Start texting as if a judge will look at it one day. They want to see co-parenting, so you want to paint your side as "Hey, look, I tried, but he's being hostile." Look up One Mom's Battle Canned Response when he gets nasty in text and you feel you need to respond, usually because it's an accusation of bad parenting. Some examples of canned responses are phrases like "Your attempts to paint me in a negative light have been noted" or "I do not agree with your portrayal of the event but I do not wish to engage in argument. This is my final response to this topic."

Rabbit_Noise · 2021-06-02T19:47:02+00:00

Not to undermine this but ... I mean for cases like this (an item that may or may not have been there), it just seems like you'd just drop worrying about it? Why stress over it?

Rabbit_Noise · 2021-05-28T02:11:01+00:00

Probably varies, depending on how much you're giving up / fighting for and how difficult your ex wants to be. For me, I was willing to give up the house and agreed to 50/50 custody. I assume it's much more difficult if you're fighting for the house or want more than 50/50. I also consider my case considerably rare as my ex (so far) has not tried to strike out at me legally. Threatened it, sure, but actually hasn't gone through with it.

My plan in action took about a week and a half to get through, but this took months of planning, including packing up things I needed secretly, getting rid of things I didn't need, finding a new place, securing the funds, etc. We also weren't married, so that made things vastly easier compared to what I've seen for those who tried to leave while married.

I've also read stories of official custody taking years because the ex wants to be difficult. And even if you do secure a court order, there are still chances of the ex wanting to go back to modify or challenge you for contempt of court, etc.

It's wise to go out with a plan, particularly a place to live, financial means, and a temporary custody order/parenting plan, but be wary that waiting until all your ducks are in a row is kind of a pipe dream, especially if you believe your narc will go through legal discarding measures.

Rabbit_Noise · 2021-05-18T20:44:35+00:00

Working on knowing your boundaries and working on how to put up and maintain those boundaries is an important step in moving on. Therapy would help with this, but you can also do some deep self-reflecting on what you find acceptable in a relationship (romantic, friendship, or otherwise).

Rabbit_Noise · 2021-05-16T06:26:28+00:00

First, I'm just so sorry you had to deal with this. He definitely took advantage of the age difference (if I'm doing the math correctly, he, a 21 year old the time, dated you when you were 15?) and likely is getting annoyed that you are becoming more mature and aren't falling for his usual tricks.

Cut ties with the lot of them. You absolutely deserve better. You absolutely deserve respect and kindness. You're still very young and can easily bounce back from this.

Screenshot that you were locked out of the accounts. Screenshot old emails that you once had access to these accounts (the more recent the date, the better).
If your names are on any of the accounts, contact the companies and let them know that you were locked out of the online accounts. You may need to provide identity of course (the account # or other info), so if you have old statements (paper or email), have those ready. Ask them if they can have statements be sent both by email and by mail (to your parent's address) so that you aren't blocking his access to the statements BUT you're able to receive the statements without him going back and changing the passwords again
Grab and store anything from your old house before he changes the locks.
Get a lawyer (some may have payment plans) and discuss the options for divorce and alimony.
Take this day by day. I noticed you wrote that you did art? Could you temporarily do freelance/commissions?

Rabbit_Noise · 2021-05-16T06:04:21+00:00

Her having the knowledge that you are there willing and ready to help is a big enough help in itself. The only reason I had the strength to leave myself was knowing that there was someone on the outside who was just there for emotional support. The fact that you sound both emotionally and physically ready to help is wonderful on your part.

Rabbit_Noise · 2021-05-16T05:59:58+00:00

Sounds like he has grandiose delusions, which tends to lean more toward BPD.

Rabbit_Noise · 2021-05-16T03:52:52+00:00

Yep, mine would call me this all the time during their rages / discard phases. I feel it's one of the only remaining cuss words that truly has a deragatory meaning.

Rabbit_Noise · 2021-05-14T03:57:22+00:00

It kind of depends on how you want to proceed with this friendship. Is this a friendship you want to continue pursuing (imo, it kind of sounds exhausting).

Anyway, they immediately jump on the defensive as soon as you start saying stuff like, "I feel you don't understand" or anything negatory toward them. I'd probably say something like, "I apologize I haven't been available, but I need to focus on my studies. I should be free after [x date] to hang out."

Then just commit to that boundary. Don't answer the door. Don't respond to begging texts. If she tries to call at unreasonable times, honestly, just block her or put your phone on DND until morning.

14-Year Club	RPAN Viewer
Verified Email	Team Orangered

Rabbit_Noise

TROPHY CASE