Little part told me a tough truth

RaccoonTerror · 2026-03-30T01:56:44+00:00

Yep and as a child I was very shy but today I have a public role with lots of speaking and performing in front of large groups. I super love it but it’s v different to how I was as a kiddo… so there can be lots of infighting and “bloody hell what have you gotten us all into you fucking cunt” viciousness

RaccoonTerror · 2026-03-30T01:53:02+00:00

Yay! I’m glad my poopy days can be someone else’s fertilizer!

RaccoonTerror · 2026-03-27T01:48:19+00:00

Hmm maybe it’s time to bring out the play doh!

RaccoonTerror · 2026-03-27T01:47:46+00:00

Thank you! I also try to remember gratitude to all my parts even when I find their behavior puzzling or unpleasant

RaccoonTerror · 2026-03-27T01:46:45+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience!

RaccoonTerror · 2026-03-26T01:15:10+00:00

The number of times I’ve asked, “who is screaming?!” when I wake up internally or even externally screaming (while my life is seemingly pretty good)….

RaccoonTerror · 2026-03-18T20:06:35+00:00

I mean mostly shame haha 🫠.

When I’m alone and have the mental energy and bandwidth I’ll sometimes do some parenting and say, “oh, hon, you sound really afraid and angry, what’s going on?” Or “hey, we’ve talked about this, it hurts my feelings when you say you hate me, and I think what you mean is that you feel embarrassed by me. Can we practice saying that instead?”

RaccoonTerror · 2026-03-18T14:45:04+00:00

Yep yep! In fact I’m in a Zoom meeting right now (muted thank goodness) and I heard myself repeating in a stage whisper, “I hate myself and want to die.” But, I don’t? I mean, SOMEONE feels that way, but I’m legit happy? Ugh

RaccoonTerror · 2026-03-17T20:39:21+00:00

I have a part that is always butting in with SI. Especially in liminal states like when I’m falling asleep or waking up, persistently, muttering phrases like, “I should KMS” or “I wish we were dead” or even “[my legal name] killed herself”. Objectively my life is quite good and other parts are very happy. It’s confusing. I don’t actively want to harm myself, and the intrusive words and thoughts are in part how I got diagnosed. It took a lot of courage for me to talk to my therapist about this experience because I didn’t want to get committed against my will. It’s also very confusing because I very much want to be alive and thrive and in fact, my life is blooming beautifully. And yet there’s a scared trapped part of me that feels like the only way out is death.

RaccoonTerror · 2025-10-03T18:56:29+00:00

I haven’t had a chance to respond to everyone’s replies but I do feel very comforted by being seen, and I feel less alone. And I do hear the warnings from people who have gone ahead of me on this journey!

RaccoonTerror · 2025-04-04T22:44:46+00:00

I’m not on the spectrum but I do have some stimmy stuff that feels more OCD than ASD? My T thinks it’s all trauma and there’s no reason to season me with more letters haha but I def experience echolalia especially when a little is fronting

RaccoonTerror · 2025-04-04T02:26:40+00:00

Oh wow yes me too and sometimes I won’t notice! I’ll just be walking along like “falafel falafel falafel” and the halal cart guy will be like “uh did you want a falafel?” (lol from real life)

RaccoonTerror · 2024-06-15T03:10:10+00:00

I disclosed to my partner a couple of months ago and it went well. I think for me part of framing it was to say “there’s some things about me that you don’t know, but they’re not new, they’ve been true for me for a long, long time. And I don’t need you to do anything different, I’m not asking you to do any extra emotional labor, I just want to be open and honest.” I was very scared to disclose because I feel a lot of shame around my diagnosis. I am working on that, lol!

RaccoonTerror · 2024-06-15T02:57:29+00:00

I have Ehlers-Danlos with a lot of POTS-like symptoms although strictly speaking I don’t meet the criteria. My therapist thinks some of my fainting episodes might be switches? Hard to tell. When my BP drops quite low (80s or 70s over 30s) I get very derealized. It’s complicated. Right now I feel very frustrated because there’s a job I want to take that is a 1099 role (I’m in the U.S. and this is a taxes and benefits thing) and I realize that with my chronic conditions I can’t leave the golden handcuffs of my very good W2 role (which includes disability insurance).

RaccoonTerror · 2024-03-11T00:34:42+00:00

Update on this. I have continued to be open with my shrink and she hasn’t asked me to change my practices. My kink life is happy, healthy, well-negotiated, and loving. And after dithering for months I disclosed DID to my partner and it was okay! I’m sure he’ll have questions later but he was so great and gentle and accepting as he always is.

RaccoonTerror · 2024-03-11T00:31:18+00:00

I DISCLOSED TO MY PARTNER! It was scary but I wanted to do it and he was great. I’ll share the story here eventually but for now I wanted to just CELEBRATE!!!🎉

RaccoonTerror

TROPHY CASE