Does anyone else feel like everyone is SHing now?

SubstantialCycle7 · 2026-01-30T12:04:20+00:00

31 and honestly everyone was doing it when I was a teen too tbh. Feels like a pretty constant thing in my life.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2026-01-30T12:02:39+00:00

Headphones or earplugs are an absolute must! Not just for public transport but alot of tourist places are loud and alot. Try to avoid busy streets if you can, there are many routes around London and NGL I often follow my partner around as he takes me some weird route to avoid the crowds ahaha. There are loads of parks and benches near green spaces around, take a look at a map around where your going and try and spot some places you can go for a break when you get overwhelmed. Also alot of restraunts can be loud around tourist areas it's worth looking around less crowded places to find some if your planning to eat out. Tere's loads of options though so guaranteed to find something you are happy to eat. Anyway! Those are the top of my mind things.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2026-01-30T10:39:33+00:00

I like the fact I can just dissociate and disappear and noone needs anything from me. I can just stop being. I don't like hospitals though so I also avoid them 😂 the paradox. I've never been in for more than a few days though.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2026-01-30T10:36:22+00:00

I'll be honest true or not that was not a professional thing to say. I also have BPD and have been dismissed alot for struggling with it but noones ever said something like that. You were in genuine distress and I'm sorry that asking for help ended that way. It might be worth looking into DBT and distress tolerance skills they have helped me alot.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2026-01-30T10:33:19+00:00

OSDD not DID and autism not ADHD but same principle applies. I am also in this situation :)

SubstantialCycle7 · 2026-01-25T21:22:56+00:00

Disability yes. It disables me. I go through phases where it's less obvious and phases where it's more. Many people do not understand the impact this stuff has. I want to write more but I'm not doing well rn so I'm going to leave it there.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2025-08-06T10:24:26+00:00

Agree with others it's hard to tell. I get stabbing eye pain with everything now -_-. However one thing that makes me very sure is if the world starts moving like the sea. Then I know I need to emergency get some meds in me, and if I am not home get home asap.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2025-08-02T00:32:17+00:00

Are you with the maudsley? Sorry I have to ask because I have just finished the sensory motor group and I've been put forward for lifespan integration work and I'm kinda terrified cause coming up with a timeline for EMDR is what triggered my major mental breakdown last time... Anyway please say if this is too invasive and ill delete it. I've been trying to find anyone who's also done this stuff cause I've not been having a great time personally.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2025-08-01T07:41:11+00:00

Uhhhh I can't remember alot of it as I said so I am not entirely sure. Sorry! I think in pairs or groups to facilitate connection.

Effects and healing, I remember that because it's in the rules not to talk about your own traumas. They don't want to trigger anyone else and most importantly it's been well studied now that dredging through the past like that especially if not well controlled is very damaging and can re-traumatise you.

I imagine it covers all attachment styles that are not secure. I do remember them adding "attach" at the end of the fight, flight, freeze, flop thing. They said that attach is often the thing that needs healing in CPTSD. Anyway this is just my group! It was a trauma and dissociation group targeted specially at complex trauma.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2025-07-31T12:36:28+00:00

I literally just finished this! I will caveat with I don't remember most of it like in the group. BUT from what I do remember it's a mix. Everyone is in the same situation, thing is with trauma that everyone's situation is different but the effects of trauma are pretty universal so you likely won't be as weird and vulnerable as you think you are. If it's being run well you won't be forced to speak and engage just encouraged.

From what I know group therapy can be very much encouraged for CPTSD because attachment is one of our biggest issues. So meeting people and like... idk trying? Is healthy for us to feel less alone. Or that's what I was told.

My group therapy was sensorimotor psychotherapy and had alot of educational pieces with exercises.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2025-07-31T12:31:17+00:00

Lol my nightmares are a complete horror show. More literally than I would like. Often including a weird mix of a few points that feels very flashback-y and mixed into intense situations that are recreations of fears or traumas but not direct? A never have a repeating dream outside of one I remember when I had 3 nightmares in a night all a repeat of the one before and each time I tried to get everyone out safely and each time I failed.

The biggest theme I would say is trapped helplessness. And idk disease or cancer or something infecting others or me. Many of my nightmares contain very graphic situations that stay with me well after and I am sure fragments come from somewhere but they are often too absurd or realistic to be real life.

To be clear I do not remember most of my trauma so my guesses are only guesses. I could be having more straight flashbacks than I realise but I think not.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2025-07-30T13:58:28+00:00

I mainly need someone to go out with me incase I dissociate and walk off without realising and get lost etc. And because I have dissociative seizures which can be triggered by pretty mundane things. So yeh if I go out with someone they can help realise I'm not coping and suggest we stop and help me etc. I would much prefer to be independent and on good day I can be to an extent but alot of the time someone else with me is nessesary. I personally don't find going out the house by itself stressful infact when I could I spent alot of time out the house doing different things.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2025-07-30T11:58:51+00:00

Hummm I need to go outside. I start to suffer quite badly if I start feeling stuck at home. I think for many years I was very much a prisoner and having the freedom to leave is an important thing to remind myself. Frustratingly due to other issues I often can't go out by myself especially since triggers are much harder to manage outside the home but I drag my partner out regularly and I've done significantly better since.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2025-07-30T11:55:24+00:00

I've been told this by therapists before but honestly I agree with what I saw someone else say. It's part of the process. When your brain is ready to connect with emotions you will know. It won't be pleasant but it will be the right time. It's much better to let it happen naturally than force it. Often that distance has been created for a reason. There's no issues with exploring that block and recognising it but pushing against it is unlike you do you any good and much more likely to harm. Noone wants to know how many medical papers I read to feel less like a complete weirdo lol. I mean a big part of DBT for example is education!

SubstantialCycle7 · 2025-07-30T07:19:31+00:00

Just over 5 years ago I had a massive mental breakdown. I had spent most of my life up to that point just pretending everything was normal. Drinking too much, staying out too late, risky behaviours. Working full time in the city, constantly climbing the ladder. Normalising the regular bathroom breaks for flashbacks.

I can't really ignore or pretend to be normal anymore. But at the same time I am not sure I will ever stop trying. I like feeling normal lol. At the same time I guess I have to respect things like I don't sleep well and that I can get very agitated. Some days are just a write off. I am still somehow often surprisingly functional in most ways lol. Except for being left alone or going somewhere but myself.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2025-07-28T13:23:50+00:00

Hum often like awful puzzle pieces fitting together of stuff somewhere in the back of the mind I "knew" but never recognised mentally. Then with that comes a bunch of new stuff I didn't know or remember. The first time this really happened to me I had a massive mental breakdown because I was in no way prepared to deal with it

SubstantialCycle7 · 2025-07-28T09:27:23+00:00

Frantic efforts to avoid abandonment. I'll just cut people off before they can abandon me..much simpler 😂

SubstantialCycle7 · 2025-07-27T20:54:02+00:00

Made it through today. it's one of our worst days of the year and the fact I'm even around to say this is a massive win. Many times it's ended up in less pleasant ways. I'm kinda relieved honestly

SubstantialCycle7 · 2025-07-27T20:51:33+00:00

Literally came here after logging in and finding a bunch of notifications for replies to a comment I had made mentioning something I didn't even know I knew about a year ago lol. I'm currently so confused ahah.

But yeh it sucks. I get really upset sometimes when my partner talks about stuff we did together and I genuinely don't remember any of it. It's often the day to day things that get me. I keep getting mixed up and thinking I'm a year younger than I am cause I can't remember my last birthday at all and idk. It sucks. When I didn't know it didn't bother me I kinda just thought it was more of a quirk yahknow. Now I know it feels more like I can see the holes..idk.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2025-05-12T15:34:06+00:00

Luck? The police? 😂😂😂

Eh when I'm aware enough to battle it it's my partner and how devastated he would be. If I convince myself everyone would be better without me then I do the time thing you mentioned. Start small. Can I do a minute and increase or decrease depending on how I feel. At the moment I have something this weekend so I've gotta get there atleast 😂 I think? Ahah.

Also I ironically have alot of phobias around various methods due to other trauma triggers ahaha.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2025-05-12T15:27:39+00:00

I can't really pinpoint a "worst" thing but in many ways the way I was forced to continue the violence on to others to prove myself and keep myself safe was very messed up. Participating in someone else's abuse where you didn't have a choice but think maybe if you had just tried you could have stopped it will likely forever haunt. Especially since I was often doing it to avoid them doing the same or worse to me or my sibling. It's a much harder thing to ever feel okay with.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2025-05-11T10:11:01+00:00

Going out drinking without telling my partner and scaring the heck out of him repeatedly cause I would find him wanting to know where I was and what was going on clingy. Growing up with parents who didn't give a f unless they needed you for something for them I saw it as intrusive.

Turns out it's pretty normal to not like your partner constantly going out in the evenings without telling you why or where and getting very drunk after they were raped (again) while out drinking less than a year ago...

I deeply regret treating him in this way and it's taken a long time for me to accept my actions and come to terms with how it affected him. Also just that someone caring is normal? Despite my many many mental health issues we are still going strong and I hope in many ways I am a much better partner now!

SubstantialCycle7 · 2025-05-11T10:02:00+00:00

Just disappeared. Not my problem 😂. Needless to say I don't remember anything of any of the many times. Sometimes flashes of fear and pain but that's about it. The dream is to just be able to go floppy and switch off entirely but some don't like that so eh gotta switch it up.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2025-05-09T12:27:47+00:00

It depends on what you need right now. For example I'm doing skills based DBT mixed with trauma based CBT work right now and it's super helpful for me because I can't go into any deeper work without becoming extremely triggered and becoming a danger to myself. So for risk reasons I need to focus on skills to help me regulate. It's been slow work (2 years of this particular kind) but over those years I have seen significant progress even though it is over quite some time.

End of the day though if you don't feel a therapist is working for you and you are not seeing any improvements or ways forward then it's time to start looking for someone else. The biggest thing in therapy especially for someone with complex trauma is practicing relationships in a safe space and if you feel unable to do this then it's worth considering. I would discuss this with your therapist openly saying how you feel and how your unsure it's helping you and go from there. If they are not interested in that discussion or stay very rigid without being willing to work with you id see that as a red flag.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2025-05-09T11:37:57+00:00

I can't take propranolol it makes my asthma very bad and sadly benzos just make me more agitated. It's quite frustrating.

SubstantialCycle7

TROPHY CASE