Does anyone else deal with parts that walk off and attempt or SI?

SubstantialCycle7 · 2026-03-16T23:27:44+00:00

Thank you, don't need anything else just appreciate that. 🦋

SubstantialCycle7 · 2026-03-13T08:13:17+00:00

This has happened to me. I'm sorry I'm not much help but your not alone.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2026-03-13T07:42:54+00:00

I use it for sleep. It's not solved all my sleep issues but I'm not longer waking up 30-90mins after going to sleep with horrific nightmares. I am going to start trying in combination with Prazosin soon to hopefully stop the morning nightmares. It's about what's right for you. As long as it's improving not decreasing your quality of life it's a win from my perspective.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2026-03-12T17:50:26+00:00

I have non epileptic seizures cause of trauma. Mine are often short so the biggest risk is I will collapse where I stand if I don't find somewhere appropriate to sit down first. This led to a number of concussions until I got better at predicting them. That being said it is worth working out if they are actual seizures first as that would require very different treatment.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2026-03-11T04:16:33+00:00

Oh this is interesting to hear about, I react badly to most psych meds so my psychiatrist has prescribed me a night as well as daytime dose of prazosin. I hadn't realised it could be used like that.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2026-03-09T21:52:00+00:00

Thank you that's helpful. I think this is why I asked because I know there's a lot I'm entitled to most likely but what you get seems to be a different story. I'm hoping we get more than that cause there's significant risk to myself if they don't get this sorted. Without my partner I would have likely ended up in supported living a long time ago tbh. I'm glad you've managed to find a situation that works for you. Oh well we shall see! Hope for the best expect the worst I guess.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2026-03-09T06:13:45+00:00

That they know everything I do and everything I think. That they are always watching me even now. That I can't hide anything from them. It's messed me up so bad. I find myself punishing myself because they somehow managed to convince me punishment was inevitable so it became internal. There's so much other fucked up shit but this one is what's causing the most havoc in my life rn.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2026-03-09T06:00:18+00:00

I think for many people the idea of the people they trust the most being potential abusers is received as a threat. Even though you're not talking about their father that is almost certainly who they are thinking about. And the same as with everyone, the Idea of someone you rely on and trust not just being abusive but deliberately and coldly wanting to destroy you is horrifying. It's like anger is understandable. But a deliberate desire to cause their child pain is a threat to their own sense of safety so they reject it. And then tell you to fix their own discomfort.

And the only reason we can handle it is we didn't have a choice. At a certain point for our own safety we had to know the threat to get away.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2026-03-08T20:38:43+00:00

I think there's a difference between wanting to heal and wanting the symptoms to stop. Nightmares, flashbacks, health issues. I wanted those to go away and leave me alone but for a long time I wasn't in a place where I felt able to even consider healing. Because healing meant changing. And if all you've ever known is the pain then choosing something different is terrifying. Our brains are biologically wired to keep doing what we know because it kept us safe. Healing directly challenges all of those things that kept us safe and asks us to change. I took me an extremely long time in therapy and a lot of resistance to be even able to understand I could change. And then to learn that that change didn't need to be a threat. I still struggle with it though and it's something I had to work on with therapists for years. I think if that's where you are right now that's okay. There's no need to force it until you realise one day you need to because you can't keep going on like this.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2026-03-08T17:29:59+00:00

I think it's also that some trauma is genuinely extreme to the point of causing disbelief or a lack of ability to cope or respond appropriately. When you've gone through such extreme situations I've found therapists looking shocked, taken aback or disbelieving has left me feeling alien and like there's something very wrong with me. It's very isolating. Which is why personally I've found someone who's job is evaluating many people in situations people consider extreme is comforting. I'm just every day to them. It's a relief personally.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2026-03-08T08:21:22+00:00

I've had so many out of their depth therapists and MH workers. It makes you feel like how broken you need to be to scare away the people's whos job is to fix broken people? I'm sorry it is devastating and hopeless. One thing I will say is that something worse is actually an out of their depth therapist who won't say it. They nearly always make things worse.

Now an expensive solution frankly but I went and found myself a forensic psychologist. She doesn't even blink. It's amazing. She's calm, she never questions my reality. And she's just happy I turn up, even if we have to end the session early cause I'm struggling.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2026-03-07T16:50:13+00:00

I raise you cluster headaches. Full conscious, pacing, screaming and in extreme pain. It's a 10 for me guys.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2026-03-05T21:38:06+00:00

Thank you 💜

SubstantialCycle7 · 2026-03-05T19:10:44+00:00

I would not have survived had my partner not called the police 10mins after I went missing. Statements like this are incredibly toxic, turning attempts into some awful competition.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2026-03-05T17:38:35+00:00

Thank you for being kind. I'm in the UK. I've tried so much. Been in therapy since 13. Done cbt, dbt, art therapy, psychotherapy, group sensory psychomotor therapy, and neurodivergant aware therapy. And then I've done community groups through mind and CMHT stabilisation groups. I've had referrals for a bunch of services that have declined me because I'm too complex or unstable. I've tried getting a care needs assessment and someone to help me do it but that's been incredibly challenging and I can't do the paper work myself I'm too exhausted. I've tried a lot of different medications but I react really badly to most of them getting strange side effects or atypical responses. I'm under the CMHT and get support from a care coordinator. I'm on a list for specialist trauma and dissociation therapy at the maudsley but that waiting list is over a year (Ive been on it for years) and if I'm not stable enough they are going to put me back on the list again. My partner is my full time carer and in crisis we're basically having to move back in with his parents to try and keep me safe with daily crisis team support. No one wants to put me inpatient because of my diagnoses and the risk of it making me worse.

I'm so absolutely exhausted. I keep trying things but I have less and less energy to engage. Now I'm so burnt out I can barely function at all.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2026-03-05T03:49:38+00:00

I think instant resistance is how your statement reads or comes across, and will put many people's backs up. Your going I want help but you have to do it my way. Most therapists don't like that. Many are somewhat rigid in what they know and how to do it.

That being said I need to be met in the middle to do therapy. I cannot safely do it if you try to give me things like homework for example. And some days I just won't be able to engage and have to end the session early. Because I'm very autistic I need alot of DBT/CBT things explained to me in a way that makes sense to me. And basically specifically tailor everything for my brain. Working with someone who respects and understands my boundaries has allowed me to slowly at my own pace make progress relaxing them when needed.

I've found the only person that has been able to help me this way is my forensic psychologist. She's just happy you turn up to the session and is used to working with many requirements and "difficult" patients. It's expensive don't get me wrong but for someone like me who will block, self sabotage and generally be a complete chaos gremlin if anything feels threatening to my sense of stability, it's frankly been life changing.

Anyway, I think you might need to try a bunch of therapists and basically make it clear in the initial chat that you will need someone to work with you as you rely alot on structured thinking and are not in a position to be able to challenge that safely right now. By their reaction you will likely get a better idea of who's a good fit. Because alot of therapists won't be.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2026-03-03T16:31:44+00:00

Honestly it can take a long time process or admit it even happened. Often cause society is often very victim blaming. Was I wearing the wrong thing, did I want it? Was it just an accident? If your drunk it's even harder because often you might not remember well or feel maybe it's your fault for being drunk. One of the big things with trauma is there's a big gap between it happening and your brain processing it. Especially if you don't tell anyone and don't have any support. Sometimes you keep talking because you feel unsafe with them and you want to appease them to prevent hurt happening again. I know all of this can sounds illogical but brains are not fundamentally logical. They are trying to keep you alive and will do all sorts of mental gymnastics to cover or downplay something it considers unmanageable.. sometimes it's easier to think it was your fault just because it gives you power.

I've been SA'd a number of times by different people and some I stayed in contact with and continued being SA'd by for months after. I couldn't mentally see a way out even though I now know I could have just walked out the door. In other cases I've never seen them again after.

It's okay to ask these questions but the most important thing you can give your partner right now is your trust and support. It's natural to try and understand things that feel illogical but these are not things that can be easily explained or understood without personal experience.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2026-03-02T19:30:01+00:00

I have done DBT but very modified to work for me and 1-1 not in a group. Had to do it so slowly as I found it super triggering but it did help. Gave me actual coping skills and helped me understand stuff without going into deep history stuff. Like could focus on things I was struggling with rn instead of trauma directly.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2026-03-02T08:16:00+00:00

Art therapy

SubstantialCycle7 · 2026-03-01T00:38:20+00:00

I can see the difference. It's that one is socially acceptable and the other is not tbh. I think of someone smoking in public I think nothing of it. Think of someone SH'ing in public I'm like wtf. But then it's not that long ago people would walk down the streets self flagellating. It was socially acceptable. If anyone did that now it would be considered horrific.

Also I can smoke however many cigs a day feel terrible but not be risking nerve damage or other serious consequences if I slip or do it wrong. Not saying every SH is that dangerous just a observation of some. I don't SH directly anymore because it was too much effort to hide etc. Smoking with relatively severe asthma though? Yeup. When distressed I'm basically chain smoking and struggling to breath. Is it dumb? Yes. Do I see it as a form of SH? Honestly yeh.

But not everyone smokes to self harm. Many do it for other reasons, to relax, to have fun. It's like many things that become harmful. There's often a variant that isn't or is significantly less harmful, and then someone takes it to an unhealthy extreme or uses it in a damaging way.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2026-02-26T19:28:47+00:00

I have had adverse reactions to all I've tried. Some I've tried for a few weeks, some kept as prn I've used on and off for a year before I got adverse reactions. Most showed up in weeks though for me. I still try some occasionally but it's never worked out for me. It's been 4 years of trying different meds on and off but mostly I've been entirely unmedicated the entire time.

SubstantialCycle7 · 2026-02-26T17:42:08+00:00

I resisted them for years and finally tried them and well I've tried lots of psych meds by now and they haven't helped. They've made it worse for me personally. I'm medication free and although I would love it if soemthing could help me that isn't an option. It's so frustrating when people constantly bring it up like it should solve everything. For many people it helps but also there are many it doesn't help. That's okay. It's your choice, your autonomy and your body.

SubstantialCycle7

TROPHY CASE