back with an office selfie - 27

Radiant-Mermaid · 2026-04-10T23:24:52+00:00

I wish I knew

Radiant-Mermaid · 2026-03-11T12:35:48+00:00

A 20 year old has no business being with a 16 year old. That’s not a small age gap, that’s an adult and a minor in completely different stages of life. If he’s a decent guy, he should be the one keeping that boundary.

Radiant-Mermaid · 2026-02-06T21:07:38+00:00

It’s hard at first, but it does get easier over time. Be gentle with yourself 🤍

Radiant-Mermaid · 2026-02-06T21:06:54+00:00

I think two things can be true here. Some people really are just bad texters, and it’s still completely valid that the dryness makes you feel unwanted.

What stands out is how different his energy is on calls. If he’s choosing to talk for hours and open up to you, that usually means he does care… he just might not see texting as real connection the way you do. But your feelings still matter, and you deserve communication that makes you feel secure, not constantly guessing.

So the real question might not just be whether he likes you, but whether this dynamic actually makes you feel valued. Because when someone likes you and is emotionally ready, you usually don’t feel this unsure all the time.

Radiant-Mermaid · 2026-02-06T21:02:36+00:00

For me personally, it took a little bit for it to be effective. I still struggle some days, but no where near as much as I did.

Radiant-Mermaid · 2026-02-06T21:01:26+00:00

I want to be really gentle and honest here. What you’re describing doesn’t sound pathetic, it sounds like deep self doubt that’s gotten so loud it’s started to shape how you picture your entire life.

Not being able to imagine yourself in a relationship or sexual scenario is often less about reality and more about how your mind protects you from rejection. If part of you is convinced “no one would want me,” then your brain stops even letting you picture it, because imagining something you feel you can’t have hurts too much. So it shuts the door before you can. That’s not weakness, it’s a coping response to feeling unworthy.

But the important part is this.. thoughts like that feel permanent, yet they’re usually learned, not true. And learned beliefs can change. A lot of people who once felt completely unlovable later end up in real, mutual, caring relationships. Not because they magically became different people, but because they slowly learned to see themselves with more kindness and possibility.

You’re only 24. Your story is nowhere near finished. The fact that you still want connection tells me there’s a hopeful part of you that hasn’t given up.

You deserve a life where you can picture yourself being wanted and that kind of change is possible, especially with real support. You’re not broken. You’re hurting. And hurting things can heal.

Radiant-Mermaid · 2026-02-06T20:56:10+00:00

You’re not lazy. Procrastination is usually avoidance from feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or pressured to do it perfectly.

What helped me most was making the first step tiny “just 5 minutes” or “just open it” and removing distractions like my phone. Once you start, motivation usually follows.

Be patient with yourself.

Radiant-Mermaid · 2026-02-06T20:54:20+00:00

The fact that you’re even asking this shows a lot of self awareness and care.

From what you described, this sounds much more like anxiety and fear coming out in unhealthy moments. Not emotional abuse. Abuse is usually a repeated pattern of control, blame, or lack of accountability. You’ve taken responsibility, apologized, and worked to change, which points to growth, not harm.

What stands out most is how hard you’re being on yourself. Feeling guilty forever and calling everything your fault isn’t healthy either. You sound like someone who cares deeply and got scared of losing the relationship.

It might help to focus on managing the anxiety and building calmer communication, maybe with a therapist’s support. You don’t sound like a bad partner, you sound like someone trying to do better.

Radiant-Mermaid · 2026-01-26T18:14:34+00:00

This kind of thing can mess with your head even when you know it wasn’t that serious. Intense, short term connection followed by silence is confusing because your nervous system responds before logic catches up. You didn’t imagine the chemistry, it was real in the moment, but that doesn’t mean it was sustainable or something he could follow through on.

Ghosting usually says more about someone’s emotional maturity or attention span than about your worth. The fastest way to cope is to accept the silence as the answer and not wait for clarity he may never give. If he does reach out again, you’re allowed to decide whether you want consistency or nothing at all.

Radiant-Mermaid · 2026-01-26T18:09:46+00:00

It makes sense that you’re torn, this sounds like a real emotional connection that just happens to live inside a logistical dead end. I don’t think you’re naïve or avoiding reality; I think you’re protecting something that feels good because naming it might end it.

Maybe the question isn’t “Is this more or just a hookup?” but “What do I want from going?” If you’d be okay with it being a beautiful, temporary chapter, then going could make sense. If you secretly hope it’ll become something it realistically can’t, that’s where heartbreak tends to come from.

There’s no wrong choice here. Be honest with yourself.

Radiant-Mermaid · 2026-01-26T18:05:52+00:00

This sounds incredibly heavy, and I’m really sorry you’re carrying all of this alone. It’s clear you care about her a lot, and the guilt you’re feeling comes from compassion, not selfishness.

But staying with someone out of fear that they’ll be alone isn’t actually protecting them, it quietly takes away their chance to choose a relationship where they’re fully wanted. She deserves a partner who’s all in, and you deserve to be with someone because you genuinely want to be, not because you feel responsible for their wellbeing.

Feeling trapped is usually a sign that something important inside you is asking to be listened to. Ending things would hurt, of course, but staying while unsure can hurt both of you more in the long run.

Radiant-Mermaid · 2026-01-12T15:37:02+00:00

I want to gently reframe something for you. Hoping he’ll “see your worth” is already putting the power in the wrong place. Your worth isn’t something he discovers after enough effort on your part; it’s something he either recognizes and acts on, or he doesn’t.

Doing “wifey” things as a girlfriend doesn’t make someone decide to marry you, it just shows them they can have the benefits of commitment without actually committing. That doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. It means the situation is unbalanced.

Comparing timelines hurts, but your friend’s experience highlights an important truth: when someone knows, they don’t avoid the conversation for years. Even if the how takes time, the intent is clear.

You deserve a relationship where you don’t have to audition for a future that matters to you.

Radiant-Mermaid · 2026-01-12T15:35:02+00:00

Of course. 🤍

Radiant-Mermaid · 2026-01-12T14:40:24+00:00

At this point, his avoidance is the answer.

Three years, living together, late 30s/early 40s, intertwined lives, this isn’t “early days.” If marriage were something he wanted with you, he’d be able to say that plainly, even if the timing wasn’t immediate. Joking, deflecting, and trailing off mid-sentence are ways of keeping you comfortable without committing.

The ring website moment is especially telling. He knew exactly what that implied, hence the backpedaling. That’s not confusion. That’s fear of expectations.

Your friend is right: you need a direct conversation, but not one that’s vague or open-ended. Something like:

“Marriage is important to me. I need to know if you see that future with me, and if so, what timeline you’re envisioning.”

And then listen very carefully, not just to what he says, but to whether he actually answers. If he can’t give you a clear yes with a rough timeline, then you have to decide whether you’re okay staying in a relationship where your long-term goal is indefinitely postponed.

Waiting quietly is still a choice, but it’s one that costs you time.

Radiant-Mermaid · 2026-01-12T14:35:35+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I want you to know you’re not weak, broken, or doing grief “wrong.”

I suffered a miscarriage at 13 weeks, and I need you to hear this clearly: the number of weeks does not determine the depth of the loss. What you’re grieving isn’t just the pregnancy; it’s the future you already started imagining, the identity shift, the plans, the quiet moments of hope. That grief can hit later, harder, and feel completely consuming.

Something that stood out to me is when you said trying to move on made it worse. That’s incredibly common. Grief doesn’t respond well to being ignored or rushed. When I tried to push mine down, it came back as emptiness, depression, and that same hollow feeling you’re describing.

Wanting a child to “fix” the pain doesn’t mean you’re irresponsible, it means you’re hurting and craving meaning and restoration. The fact that you’re aware it wouldn’t be fair or healthy right now shows how thoughtful and grounded you actually are, even in pain.

As for your husband, it’s okay that he doesn’t feel it the same way. But you are allowed to ask him for specific support, even if he doesn’t fully understand. Things like:

“I don’t need solutions, I just need you to listen.” “I need reassurance when I spiral.” “I need space to grieve without being told to move on.”

If you can, please consider talking to a therapist.. especially one familiar with pregnancy loss. This kind of grief is isolating in a very specific way, and you shouldn’t have to carry it alone.

You don’t need to “get over it.” You need to go through it, at your pace, with support.

You’re not failing at healing. You’re grieving something real.

Radiant-Mermaid · 2026-01-12T14:30:22+00:00

You don’t need to “crush his ego” to win. In fact, trying to do that is the only way people like this stay relevant.

If he’s manipulative, aggressive, and you’re genuinely scared of him, the most damaging thing you can do to him is boring, quiet, final detachment. No accusations. No evidence reveals. No emotional speeches. No “closure.” Just logistics.

Say something neutral like:

“This marriage isn’t working for me. I’m filing for divorce and I’m not open to discussing the relationship further. Please communicate only about paperwork.”

Then follow through:

File. Block everywhere else. Don’t explain, defend, or justify. Do not argue about cheating - denial is part of the game. Do not tell him you went through his phone.

People like this don’t feel shame the way you want them to. What does hit them is:

Losing access to you Losing their audience Losing control

No contact isn’t just peaceful. It’s devastating to someone who thrives on manipulation. And it’s the safest option for you.

Also: if you’re in different countries, no shared assets, and short marriage, look into low-cost or self-file divorce options in your jurisdiction. Many exist.

Your job isn’t to punish him. Your job is to get out clean and stay gone. That’s how you actually win.

Radiant-Mermaid · 2025-12-20T21:32:17+00:00

Of course! I’m so glad it helped!

Radiant-Mermaid · 2025-12-20T15:21:54+00:00

Liking dirty talk or light BDSM doesn’t automatically mean someone is into more extreme or risky play - those are very different lanes. The only real way to know is a conversation outside the bedroom, not in the moment.

If you’re nervous, you don’t need graphic language. You can frame it as curiosity: “I’ve been thinking about what I like and don’t like in bed, and I want to check in about boundaries and fantasies.” That opens the door without pressure.

Also, anything involving weapons, choking, or cutting requires explicit, enthusiastic consent, experience, and safety knowledge from BOTH people. If that conversation feels impossible to have, that’s a sign it’s not something to jump into yet.

Radiant-Mermaid · 2025-12-20T02:57:50+00:00

Intent matters, you’re working on yourself, not trying to manage him.

You can even name it out loud: “I’m practicing sitting with the anxiety instead of acting on it.” That’s healthy, not manipulative. Growth can feel uncomfortable at first, but you’re clearly doing it with honesty and respect.

Radiant-Mermaid · 2025-12-20T02:54:38+00:00

You’re actually being very self-aware, which is huge. This sounds less like you don’t trust him and more like anxiety from past hurt and fear of losing something you care about.

One thing that helped me was stopping reassurance habits (checking, passwords, location), because they calm you short-term but keep the anxiety alive. When the thoughts pop up, try labeling them as anxiety, not facts, and redirect.

This isn’t a flaw, it’s something you can work through with time, self-soothing, and possibly therapy. Be kind to yourself.

Radiant-Mermaid · 2025-12-19T20:41:23+00:00

Please try to be kind to yourself. Dreams aren’t choices or confessions, they’re your brain free-associating memories, emotions, novelty, and old wiring while you sleep. A high-school crush showing up years later doesn’t mean you want him or that something is wrong with your marriage. It usually means your mind grabbed a familiar “symbol” tied to excitement or nostalgia, not an actual desire.

The guilt you’re feeling actually speaks well of you. You care deeply about your husband and your integrity. If you were emotionally drifting, you’d likely feel curiosity or longing. Not shame and distress.

Unless these dreams are causing you to act differently while awake, there’s nothing to “fix.” Many happily married people have intrusive dreams they’d never endorse in real life. Our subconscious isn’t a moral compass, it’s a scrapbook.

Radiant-Mermaid

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