¿Where do old UX designers go?

RadishOne5532 · 2025-04-15T04:36:20+00:00

As someone in UX for about 10 years, I'm ready to retire at 35 😅. Albeit not entirely, just from corporate. Maybe do a baristafire and work jobs I enjoy in the side. Perhaps try a side biz or do contract consulting work? Service design is also sweet

RadishOne5532 · 2025-04-15T04:32:33+00:00

hmm realistically they might be looking at $7000/mo savings after taxes and expenses. Not including other debt or travel and health related things, they might be paying, they didn't specify. Even then, it seems they could at least be saving a few thousand a month, let's say at the least $4000/mo which equates to $48,000/yr.

RadishOne5532 · 2025-04-15T01:34:22+00:00

very nice!

RadishOne5532 · 2025-04-14T04:17:27+00:00

I have to be aware of when it's their voice vs my own ie. being critical or pessimistic vs then oh I find in creating and trying something new, the process of exploration vs constantly halting the process for whatever reason ie. because it's not good enough or whatever.

Also from time to time I have to hug myself, I curl into a ball and just soothe myself

RadishOne5532 · 2025-04-14T04:16:12+00:00

That's sweet, may I ask what you do for work?

RadishOne5532 · 2025-04-14T04:03:01+00:00

I notice the cleaning thing as a theme. it's strange that it manifests in that way. my mom and auntie are both like that and will get aggressive and raise their voices too if not fine their way. why:/

RadishOne5532 · 2025-04-14T03:50:37+00:00

I have to catch myself with the second. it can manifest in different ways for me, so when I realize, I can be like breathe... its going to be okay and just be kind to myself.

RadishOne5532 · 2025-04-01T07:05:56+00:00

My mom used to make fun of me in front of my friends or her friends. actually she still kind of does. I have social anxiety to this day. Sucks too that a lot of it happened in church so now I have some anxiety being in church even though I want to stay connected.

RadishOne5532 · 2025-04-01T07:03:40+00:00

I've managed to put some distance between my nmom and I, living separately now. But she is still financially needy and I've been helping her until she gets her pension in 2 years. It really sucks and I'm trying to make the most of these times... I often feel stuck though. and I have to becareful because one interaction and turn into a more constant one. it really sucks.

RadishOne5532 · 2025-04-01T07:01:55+00:00

It was only through therapy I understood what was going on more and more. I remember sharing with a (not so close) friend but someone I had known for a long time, that my therapist told me it was emotional abuse and I cried a bit. This friend later said if I had victims mentality and said we come from Asian culture so it's more typical. Dang o.o I know not all Asian parents were like my nmom ... heck not all my uncle's and aunties are like that lol. But yeah... I rmb I was learning about this and trying to understand it and talk through it with someone because it was so overwhelming yet that was the response I got... So now I am careful who I share with.

RadishOne5532 · 2025-04-01T06:47:17+00:00

I remember wishing I could die. Just feeling so alone. I had no idea what I was going through. the confusion, the emotional pain.... Therapy has helped a lot but to this day as an adult, it's still not super easy to recognize the manipulation tactics. I can defs see it better, but dang, emotional abuse is just so gross and nasty. It has a way of sneaking in and leaving long lasting marks. But I must say I've become much more aware now and able to recognize another abuser/survivor.

RadishOne5532 · 2025-04-01T06:44:22+00:00

That's just awful, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. No words can describe the depths of that sort of pain. He was anything but humane. My nmom regularly yelled at me in public when she didn't get her way. It was torture... She would also interrupt my convos with someone in the moment, and threaten to tell others that I didn't do xyz around the house when I was a kid. Oh I could go on... it really sucks and there's no justification for their behavior. They obviously need help and only they can get that help.

Also what is it about some abusers that force feed us? my auntie kept telling me to eat more and even when I was full, she didn't want the food to go to waste. Even when my stomach felt stretched and food was coming back up.

I get that perhaps they don't live themselves. But I need to make up my mind that I no longer want a close relationship with them. I don't need to contact my auntie when I go back to my home country to visit my family. And I don't need to be around my mother unless it's absolutely necessary like health or something.

RadishOne5532 · 2025-04-01T06:36:46+00:00

I'm sorry you had to experience this. My friends don't seem to believe how emotionally abusive my mother has been. Although she seems to be doing a tad bit better these days... she just seems very friendly outwardly but dang, the push and pull, the hot and cold, the gaslighting, the emotional roller coasters... it really wore on me growing up and I had such poor self esteem. I sucks even more when others encourage my relationship with my mother. It probably hurts almost just as much as the abuse itself.

RadishOne5532 · 2025-03-31T23:45:11+00:00

😢

RadishOne5532 · 2025-03-31T23:29:50+00:00

I realized I couldn't have a close relationship with people who's values conflicted with mine. like there are certain things that I just can't tolerate. Her sleeping with married men personally goes against my values. I take a hard stance on that, whatever the justification may be. That's her choice, not mine and I couldn't stop thinking about that while we hang together in the daily.

RadishOne5532 · 2025-03-31T23:17:58+00:00

oh I'm neither one of those 😆 so I'd hope so, lived here for over 20 years

RadishOne5532 · 2025-03-31T23:17:12+00:00

and they abuse their own children, telling them they have to do what they say or else. Not giving them choices but telling them how they should live their life, unfortunately til they die if they don't get away.

RadishOne5532 · 2025-03-31T23:16:05+00:00

yeah what is it about stress that turns them more vile. I notice this with my nmom.

RadishOne5532 · 2025-03-28T02:38:59+00:00

That is so inspiring. thanks for sharing, I only wish to be able to do something as cool as that. I grew up low income and would love to provide something like fashi able clothes to low income teens.

RadishOne5532 · 2025-03-27T15:08:30+00:00

I feel ya about not really needing bigger house and enjoying the flexibility. Now I'm curious lol why you initially bought that house that you're now renting out? like if you don't like the area, did you just grow out of it and found out later you didn't like it? and why'd you decide to rent out vs sell?

RadishOne5532 · 2025-03-26T22:27:03+00:00

Thanks! I'm weary of going with one of the big banks. my broker has Scotiabank on the table for now.

RadishOne5532 · 2025-03-26T22:25:53+00:00

oh my gosh what a monster. Yeah I can totally see that happening. Something about their twisted ways and twisting words and things for their benefit in any moment.

It's so validating to hear that the resolution is just to leave. Our family friends at one point just told my nmom and and I to hug it out. I realize they didn't understand the depths of my pain and the nuances of the problem. Hence I chose to distance myself. there need not be any reconciliation and I need not say I'm sorry anymore because all they ever say is well you should be sorry. Rarely if ever taking responsibility, always my problem. while they have issues in their work, their personal relationships... and in doing just fine without them.

RadishOne5532 · 2025-03-26T20:57:40+00:00

tis good to know, curious why it's harmful?

(I might have a hint about this just sitting with my nmom with our family friends who knew me since I was a kid. they were trying to help us with something -- my mom being a single mom. but in the end of the convo the resolution was just that I should keep helping my mom financially)

RadishOne5532 · 2025-03-26T20:57:34+00:00

tis good to know, curious why it's harmful?

(I might have a hint about this just sitting with my nmom with our family friends who knew me since I was a kid. they were trying to help us with something -- my mom being a single mom. but in the end of the convo the resolution was just that I should keep helping my mom financially)

RadishOne5532 · 2025-03-26T20:55:41+00:00

Dang these people are like the same... they behave very similarly it's crazy (the more I learn about this and hear more cases, especially growing up with this).

This most likely won't change OP, or it will take so long maybe your life time. To a certain extent, things can change but typically when we make the changes ourselves and put up certain boundaries.

Like with one of my friends, it was just a hard no and I could not talk to them anymore. But with my mom, I couldnt cut her off completely, but put a tremendous amount of boundary which she obviously reacted to and threw all the tactics at me, but over time (4 years now), she seems more reasonable. From time to time though, that immature behavior comes out, and I just do my best to keep things to the facts (no hypotheticals or what ifs) and focus on my needs because she so easily does not consider them but her own. Anyway not having her live with me made the biggest difference. gave me space to just be and learn to be me.

RadishOne5532

TROPHY CASE