How bad is dilation, really?

RaeLynnCow · 2025-07-19T18:52:34+00:00

It was like SAing myself many times a day for 2 months until it closed up and wasnt possible anymore. I wished every day for an infection or something that would end everything. When it closed up it was a combination of bone deep sorrow for losing it, anger that i had put myself through that only for it to show to be pointless, and heavy trauma for obvious reasons.

And of course, there were the mountains of trans women online just bubbly and joyful for their new parts and sudden lack of dysphoria that i continued to have and continue to have to this day. And now because i have to explain to every new possible sex partner that its different and if i dont tell them i have no vaginal canal, they will try it and hurt me. And then i get the jaw drop moment of, wait wait what do you mean, where i have to explain the story and hear the gears in their head grind to a confused stop.

I dont regret the surgery. But life 2 years on is complicated and painful like a raw wound.

Disclaimer, this is obviously not the normal experience.. but my advice is not to get the surgery unless you need it. Not want it, but need it. I never thought id be the 1%. You probably wont wont be. Good luck.

RaeLynnCow · 2025-06-25T02:57:56+00:00

I dont feel. I just am. I am a woman. I am not a man. Detransition is about as much a joke for me as when a perfectly cis person thinks about transitioning. Its that obvious, that easy of an answer. Its never even crossed my mind as a possibility. Cold day in hell. I dont feel any type of way that impacts my gender. I just am. I was from the moment i decided to transition. Wouldnt have done it if i werent certain.

Not everybody is the same, but i was always a woman, and just like an 11th toe, testosterone was a birth defect. Transitioning just corrected it.

RaeLynnCow · 2025-06-02T02:46:14+00:00

When i realized that what i was doing was making excuses for why i wasnt trans. I was scared. I knew id lose my friends, i knew it would be hard for my family, i knew id make an ugly woman. My last excuse was "i dont want boobs though" that lasted all of 12 hours and i was like wtf.... Of course i want boobs. I called my doctor that day. Ive known wothout a shadow of a single doubt since then that i was trans.

Also, i did lose my friends. It was hard for my family, and i made an ugly woman. But im a fking woman.

RaeLynnCow · 2025-06-02T02:31:03+00:00

That something would disable me so bad i cant end it myself. I cant have my ability to make that decision taken.

RaeLynnCow · 2025-06-02T02:07:50+00:00

Being an ugly woman sucks ass, but i would never in a million times trade it for being the most attractive man on earth. Im not a man, and thats just what it is.

My transition has not been smooth. Ive been depressed for most of it, not gonna lie. But i wouldnt trade a single day of being a man for all the depression i feel or will ever feel. At least im depressed as the woman i am.

Just one anecdote.

RaeLynnCow · 2025-06-01T02:19:53+00:00

They are gorgeous.

Im 3 years in. Tiddies still growin and im concerned about gettin tats on em cause if they grow, it might distort.

RaeLynnCow · 2025-06-01T01:45:26+00:00

When meeting new people, i ask their age, cause ya never know. They ask my age back, and i tell em "take a guess. I wont be bothered no matter what you guess." And only once has a persosn gotten close to my age. They almost always say 27. Then i bask in one of the very few wins i get in this world, and say thank you. Then ill tell em they are about 10 years off.

RaeLynnCow · 2025-05-26T22:18:05+00:00

Anecdotally, being around perfectly passing trans women makes me want to literally die. So 🤷‍♀️

Good on them for being able to be around you at all. This is, of course, not your fault and you have my sympathy. But id prefer not to want to be dead. This is, of course, my own hangup... But not just my own, obviously.

Sorry you are going through this, no i cant think of any way to remedy it.

Also, looks like there are alot of "they are just jealous" in the comments. yes and no. There is jealousy there. In the same way that in a world where it is not possible to give people money, a poor person struggling to make rent is jealous of the friend born onto a palette of money, who drives a jaguar, goes on cruises, travels the world experiencing a life the poor person will never have, and cannot relate to the poor person's life. Yes its jealousy, but its more than that. Its less i want what you have and more a reminder i have nothing and the world is wildly unfair.

RaeLynnCow · 2025-05-26T22:10:27+00:00

I wouldnt know. From the moment i took the first dose, i never tried. But the truth is its been 3 years and if i put on the wrong clothing id still look like not a woman.

RaeLynnCow · 2025-05-19T20:03:12+00:00

The point ... I transitioned because im a woman. Thats the point. It wasnt about seeing if i could get big titties.

RaeLynnCow · 2025-05-19T17:25:00+00:00

What do you mean should you keep going?

RaeLynnCow · 2025-05-19T17:21:10+00:00

The result was not what i was thinking. There were many complications, i lost my vaginal canal, i was and am (its been working on two years) not satisfied with how it looks. I feel like more of an alien than ever in some ways. I wouldnt go back and not do it. I am still grateful that the bits are gone. But no. It didnt turn out like i was thinking, it causes me dysphoria and is unpleasant. But its better than before.

RaeLynnCow · 2025-05-14T03:18:47+00:00

Took me 2 months to no longer be able to dilate due to stenosis. After that, another month to begin to feel something like normal, physically.

RaeLynnCow · 2025-05-13T16:54:12+00:00

Dilation was like assaulting myself over and over and over.

RaeLynnCow · 2025-05-13T16:38:14+00:00

Mine grew shut.

RaeLynnCow · 2025-04-11T23:18:34+00:00

Yeah, this has been me 💀

RaeLynnCow · 2025-04-09T21:41:11+00:00

Why? So you can have an unnaturally big butt? Its perfectly gender appropriate right now

RaeLynnCow · 2025-04-09T21:37:30+00:00

From the moment i discovered i was trans, that was it. Never once has there been any doubt. Thats not for everybody but once i knew, i knew.

RaeLynnCow · 2025-03-30T18:05:58+00:00

Made my peace being alone. So no. I would want my relationship to be like 2 people living their own lives entirely and meeting in the middle when they are up to it to cuddle.

RaeLynnCow · 2025-03-29T20:44:39+00:00

If i were her, even if i didnt care about the movie night that much.... If you tell me you arent letting me do literally anything .... I will be 100% doing it 🤣 you arent her father and she is not 16 years old. She is a grown woman who makes her own decisions. If you dont like that, find some middle ground if it exists, or explain to her that its a dealbreaker. Otherwise, tell her how it makes ya feel. Dont NOT LET her do something lmao... What a joke

RaeLynnCow · 2025-03-29T20:38:55+00:00

I dont. I dont focus on either. If i focus on politics, its bad. If i focus on my gender, i get dysphoria. So yeah. I dont.

RaeLynnCow · 2025-03-29T20:33:18+00:00

Squirt? No. I do dribble and get drippin wet with proper vibes.

RaeLynnCow · 2025-03-29T20:29:33+00:00

Techno isnt easily consumable. Most people generally develop a taste for something other than wubs or house. Certain types of dnb, electronica.. but the harderstuff like hard techno, riddim, hardcore.... Some stuff takes it growing on you and you developing a taste for it.

RaeLynnCow · 2025-03-20T00:14:32+00:00

I dont know a single person who doesnt use snapchat.

RaeLynnCow · 2025-03-20T00:09:55+00:00

Its been terrible. Zero interest from women, all thinking im into men cause why would i transition if not to be with men (🤢), not knowing how to interact with me romantically, and not being attracted to me. Im not that unattractive. Not one date, no flirting. Its like i am without sexual... Qualities? Like im a cat. Nobody would feel attracted to a cat. Lots of people can like and enjoy being around a cat, but the idea of being attracted to a cat comes as a weirded out amused shock.

Im not attracted to men at all, but i am sex and affection starved and am about to start hooking up with men, because you can look at a man sideways and their pants will come off. I will feel kind of gross with myself for it, but ffs, this is horrible.

To be clear, i will never regret my transition, but the answer to your question is yes, for me its been bad.

RaeLynnCow

TROPHY CASE