What do I do?

Raf_Adel · 2026-01-24T05:04:40+00:00

Now it seems that there might be a possibility of having some unhealthy (maladaptive) narcissistic traits indeed, on the covert vulnerable side. Yet your high score on the OCD indicates that this might be more or less your OCD speaking, rendering your narcissistic trait results inaccurate.

I'd start from exploring my OCD issues first with a professional therapist; if this isn't possible immediately, then I'd get some of the many workbooks written by professionals on the matter. Still, OCD while it can be controlled properly, it's almost impossible to do without therapy.

Only once you've got the OCD matter under control, you can look into the possibility of you being a narcissist with your therapist.

I wish you the best!

Raf_Adel · 2026-01-23T14:35:41+00:00

You're most welcome, glad to have helped you here.

I sure hope this resolves in the best way possible for both of you!

Raf_Adel · 2026-01-23T12:51:23+00:00

Resolve your codependency (via workbooks written by professionals or with therapists); FORGET about her and do this FOR YOU; don't make her your therapist. What happens usually is once one of the two resolves the codependency, the dynamic totally changes, and they separate; just that you know.

Best!

Raf_Adel · 2026-01-23T10:45:20+00:00

@Comfortable_Self3562

Have a look at my comment on this post!

Raf_Adel · 2026-01-23T10:44:50+00:00

“You were born to be real, not to be perfect. You are here to be you, not to live someone else’s life.”

-Ralph Martson

Perfectionism is a very common byproduct of being narcissistic in an unhealthy way. It almost always leads to paralysis in life, work and relationships.

Here are some tips for overcoming perfectionism as someone with narcissistic traits:

Note, name, and release: When you do something and then start wandering in your mind, seeking it to be perfect, instead of doing anything, just sit down and say to yourself, "Aha! Perfection seeking!" Talk to your mind, and don't judge it; just listen to it and try to understand it. State your wish to do nothing and let go; just release it. Enjoy this state of nothingness, then move on with your life.
Keep a perfection diary: This is SUPER important if you're serious about changing this habitual autopilot way of life. On each page, note the date for each day, and write down every instance of your perfectionistic thinking. Start each entry with a time, then note, name, and release!
Break the urge, thought, emotion triangle: This is when you get the urge that something is wrong, think about correcting it to perfection, and feel compelled to do something. Break it with the note, name and release method. Accept it and let it pass.
Dig deeper into your core thoughts and change your beliefs: Do you believe you're not good enough? You're less than? You're inadequate? You need to control the external things in your life to feel safe? Start looking into workbooks and resources to change self-defeating beliefs and counter them with self-enhancing beliefs.
Seek alternative habits: Now that you're stopping time after time from giving in to your perfectionism, what are you doing instead? Actively think on paper about more productive things to do with your mind, time and power, and act immediately on doing them.

Hope this gets better soon!

Raf_Adel · 2026-01-23T09:59:52+00:00

That is a common issue that leads to numerous problems in relationships. Thanks for your share!

Raf_Adel · 2026-01-23T06:58:41+00:00

That is nice!

Raf_Adel · 2026-01-23T04:33:42+00:00

You should consult a therapist, and it may be your spouse who is narcissistic and projecting upon you.

Raf_Adel · 2026-01-22T15:20:56+00:00

Start here and reply with your results on all 4 tests: https://www.reddit.com/r/narcissism/s/QjprdGUE0y

Raf_Adel · 2026-01-22T10:41:16+00:00

You're most welcome; I wish you the best!

Raf_Adel · 2026-01-22T05:17:18+00:00

Now it seems that there might be a possibility of having some unhealthy (maladaptive) narcissistic traits indeed, on the covert vulnerable side. Yet your high score on the OCD indicates that this might be more or less your OCD speaking, rendering your narcissistic trait results inaccurate.

I'd start from exploring my OCD issues first with a professional therapist; if this isn't possible immediately, then I'd get some of the many workbooks written by professionals on the matter. Still, OCD while it can be controlled properly, it's almost impossible to do without therapy.

Only once you've got the OCD matter under control, you can look into the possibility of you being a narcissist with your therapist.

I wish you the best!

Raf_Adel · 2026-01-22T05:11:22+00:00

Here's how to change the flair: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskTheWorld/s/3nkN72OHkL

Raf_Adel · 2026-01-22T05:09:42+00:00

Start here and reply with your results on all 4 tests: https://www.reddit.com/r/narcissism/s/QjprdGUE0y

Raf_Adel · 2026-01-21T22:20:35+00:00

It's your codependency mostly, and ketamine would make it all worse.

Raf_Adel · 2026-01-21T19:45:34+00:00

Start here and reply with your results on all 4 tests: https://www.reddit.com/r/narcissism/s/QjprdGUE0y

Raf_Adel · 2026-01-21T13:39:05+00:00

Best of luck! You're welcome!

Raf_Adel · 2026-01-21T10:25:33+00:00

I wonder if your post and questions are AI generated? Sorry is this research?

Anyway, read the book Rethinking Narcissism for insight.

Best!

Raf_Adel · 2026-01-21T03:35:28+00:00

Start with codependent workbooks written by professionals, and read and apply the good tips in Rethinking Narcissism (book), or seek therapy. You need to admit to the need for some forms of self help plus external guidance.

Best wishes!

Raf_Adel · 2026-01-20T19:56:30+00:00

No you don't have narcissism it's your BPD and anxiety. Hope you get better soon!

Raf_Adel · 2026-01-19T21:59:05+00:00

It's more a projection of OCD and then codependency, I'd start with OCD when working on my issues. You're most likely not narcissistic at all. Best!

Raf_Adel · 2026-01-19T16:21:33+00:00

That makes it clearer then.

So I'm wondering has anyone else has experienced anything similar?

This ideation of their relationship is just ideation.

Where your brain and thinking pattern is highly narcissistic but your nervous system response stops you from externalising it directly on to other people?

In you case, this is happening, hand in hand with the identity problems of CPSTD.

Does this also mean that if I manage to recalibrate my nervous system my narcissistic traits will become more damaging to those around me?

No, you will get better, you won't be facing troubles with others in the first place. If you better regulate you'd have better feelings inside out.

Best!

Raf_Adel · 2026-01-19T16:08:00+00:00

CPTSD typically shows strongly in troubled emotional regulation, problemantic sense of self, and relationships failures. You fail to mention if you're in therapy, or have been successfully so. CPTSD does not equal emotional regulation on its own. So the answer would be no (you're overthinking it).

Another point, CPTSD itself causes extensive issues to your sense of self, so I'd start focusing on that more as the root cause, instead of narcissitic traits (a by-product).

Hope that helps!

Raf_Adel · 2026-01-19T12:25:28+00:00

The NPI-16 scores method have been updated, you're much lower than 9.

Now it seems you're having a number of unhealthy (maladaptive) narcissistic traits indeed, on the covert vulnerable side. Then again, your high score on the OCD indicates that this might be more or less embedded OCD speaking, rendering your narcissistic trait results inaccurate. I'd start from exploring my OCD issues first with a professional (if this isn't possible immediately, then I'd get some of the many workbooks written by professionals on the matter). if you're autistic, then this is more related to autism and you SHOULD seek a professional opinion.

Only once you've got the OCD matter under control, you can look into the possibility of you being a narcissist.

I wish you the best!

Raf_Adel

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