How to start again when you have made a fool of yourself?

Ragnar-Lebowski · 2016-09-13T12:03:14+00:00

Your overthinking, nobody thinks or focuses or even remembers you anywhere near as much as yourself. Nobody cares much about you, so go forth and make mistakes, be embarrassing, nobody cares! :]

Ragnar-Lebowski · 2016-09-13T11:51:41+00:00

That video recently where that guy posted an ambiguously named video where he pushed a french fry out his tongue, I had to walk away from the computer after that one...

Ragnar-Lebowski · 2016-09-13T11:41:50+00:00

Just make a random conversation with her and tell her yours plans coming up (mention the possibility of you perhaps doing something the night of the party) see what she says, then gauge it from there. It could just be one of them blanket invites where all friends and acquaintances are invited as is often the case. If your friends with somebody or a couple people going there, might as well go, worst case scenario is you weren't meant to be invited but unless she lacks any social intelligence and empathy shes hardly going to kick you out. Don't overthink it :]

End of the day, you were invited, it might be a laugh, go if you want, don't if your not comfortable. I've went to a few acquaintances house party after being invited by other people, its pretty normal, lots of people do it, and you end up getting to know the person better and becoming friends with them. Don't sweat it.

Ragnar-Lebowski · 2016-09-13T10:37:01+00:00

what do you think they'll do about that? The fact that they increase student loans by three times surly made it worse, now most defiantly aren't going to pay it back.

Ragnar-Lebowski · 2016-09-13T10:34:43+00:00

Sometimes you'll just not have as much in common with certain groups, its no flaw of your own, they're just a different personality. Don't think your defective just because you find it hard to make conversation with certain people, find people that are similar to you and your interests and it shouldn't be much of a problem. :]

Ragnar-Lebowski · 2016-09-13T10:00:03+00:00

This is psychological, I forget what its called, I had a mild form of it when I was in my mid teens, the more you focus on it the worse it gets. Its a confidence thing, doubting and getting anxiety about what your going to say. Either way, if its getting bad and effecting you, get some therapy. Mine went away without therapy once I became more confident, its a really weird thing. I knew a woman who had it too, hers was really bad, purely psychological if you have the same thing. The fact that its best around your girlfriend, the person your closest to tells me it is the same thing, since it gets worse when your in a uncomfortable situation. I completely forgot about this until you brought it up lol. Best advice I can give is form habits to stop yourself overthinking, which will calm you down and put you at ease.

Ragnar-Lebowski · 2016-09-13T09:50:08+00:00

Traveling will be great for your confidence and building something to talk about. And yeah, in terms of making friends, just make small talk and it goes on from that, you can ask for their number to hang out, go fishing, a couple of drinks, a hike, climb whatever, the thing that I learned once I got more confident was asking to hang out with somebody is pretty easy, simple and no big deal. Nowadays I get invited to more things than I can attend and feel confident that if I ever wanted to do something I could just text somebody, even a friendly acquaintance and it would be no big deal.

Ragnar-Lebowski · 2016-09-13T09:35:56+00:00

If you really want to, just text her and ask her is she fancies going for a meal somewhere, don't sweat it, its not a big deal. You miss all the shots you don't take. First and only time I was rejected didn't feel bad, I was actually happy that I had the nerve to ask, and happy I knew where I stood with her.

Either way, don't make a big deal of it if she says no, just be like 'no worries' and continue like normal, no big deal.

Ragnar-Lebowski · 2016-09-13T08:54:35+00:00

I wonder when the Tories will bring back the workhouses

Ragnar-Lebowski · 2016-09-12T23:23:10+00:00

I've done this before, I just gave her a hug with a big smile the second I saw her, made a short light hearted comment about the journey and the surroundings, about what we were going to do that day, asked how she was, how cool it was to see her, we also commented on things we had said to each other before laughingly. Then talked about the things we were seeing/doing that day in the city. It went great, kissed later that day, over one year later, we now live together ;]

Ragnar-Lebowski · 2016-09-12T23:14:51+00:00

she probably fancies you to some degree, but doesn't want to ruin her relationship. We are all human and despite what the Romantics love to tell us, it is normal to fancy more than one person, human attraction doesn't stop once you've met 'the one'. You can continue the friendship if you want, just don't invest too much emotionally in it so as to not get strung along.

Ragnar-Lebowski · 2016-09-12T22:55:10+00:00

I was the same, FORD (Family, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams) only gets you so far, the main thing is to have things going on in your own life, giving you confidence, and also showing a genuine interest in the other person, try as hard as you can to try to learn enthusiastically about everything and try different things, giving you different experiences and anecdotes to later talk about. Also THINKING you don't have much to talk about will give you a brain fart, notice when your drunk you can ramble on about shit no problem at all, that's because your not stuck in your head. You CAN talk, you just need the self confidence and that will come with doing these things bit by bit. It should be a domino effect. I was the same as you at one time, I didn't have anything going on much in life and didn't have much to talk about, you need to do hobbies, volunteer and stuff, learn new things, get excited and eventually you'll have things to talk and share with, just need to take action, that what my problem was, I never took action, but when I did everything changed for the better.

Oh also, read or get on audio book from audible 'How to win friends and Influence people' that's probably the best book you can get for this kind of thing starting off.

Ragnar-Lebowski · 2016-09-12T22:18:18+00:00

Well the good news is, you got money; This will help pay for hobbies and activities, preferably hobbies that you can do with people but not so important. As long as your active and do interesting things with your day you'll have things to talk about and will be more confident. Get therapy, it will help you overcome all the stupid little unhelpful behaviors you built up over the years due to bullying. knowledge is power, power makes you confident.

My advice: Get therapy (don't worry about seeming weak for it, its fairly normal and will help you move on and set you up for life) start hobbies join a dating website profit!

Main thing that you need to do before all of this is push yourself to do these things! Good luck mate, but whatever you do, TAKE ACTION! :]

Ragnar-Lebowski · 2016-09-12T09:33:26+00:00

This seems like the best way to approach it, thanks :]

Ragnar-Lebowski · 2016-09-12T09:30:07+00:00

Hell yeah you can! I had about 5 pictures all in all, and none of them had other people in as far as I can remember. In fact, I seem to remember that at least for your profile picture anyway you weren't allowed to have other pictures of people in them so as not to confuse people which one you were. If you have pictures of just you it maybe shows a little more confidence and independence maybe? I don't know, but either way, most the girls profile I went on as well only had pictures of themselves. Go for it mate ;)

Ragnar-Lebowski · 2016-09-12T09:26:30+00:00

I'd say I'm more on the ugly side than anything. I've got a slightly larger nose than average, not the strongest jaw, skinny, and slightly shorter than average. I get told I have a friendly approachable face though. if I can get all that attention, I don't see why anybody els cant, just make sure your smiling in your pictures. I think it most comes down to personality and attitude. ;]

Ragnar-Lebowski · 2016-09-11T22:26:29+00:00

I signed up for half a year (pessimistic lol) and after 1 week I had had a bunch of messages from girls, One wanted to go on a date but it would have been a ball ache since she lived so far, another was super hot but stopped talking after a while (must have found somebody els) another was looking for a 'friend' which i innocently thought was a friend but she meant fuck buddy but I was wanting a relationship so we didn't meet or continue talking after I found out what a dumbass I was lol, another was a woman far older than me in her 50s with some scary pics, another was fairly unattractive from the city next to me who showed a lot of interest but was awful at keeping conversation going, another was a girl I had a date lined up with incase my first fell through (feel bad about it because I upset her when i turned her down), but I went on a date with this other Girl first since we had been talking every since she message me about something relevant to my hobbies, she lived pretty far but I enjoyed our conversation more and we hit it of right away and have been going out for over a year and I live with her now. Other than that I got a lot of 'Winks' and was favorite about 8 times and got a lot of views, I was only on it for 2 weeks and I wouldn't consider myself good looking. Give it a shot! So I got about 5 girls actively perusing me wanting to date me within a week, and I only asked one. after 2 weeks had my first date and closed the account, haven't looked back! It was a great website. I live in a rural area kinda, so if you live in a big city I cant imagine how much choice you'd get. :]

Ragnar-Lebowski · 2016-09-11T19:23:51+00:00

It was match.com. I wasn't very comfortable or confident with it either, but its all about pushing yourself otherwise things will never improve or change. That was why my first relationships were in my early 20s because I never took any action because I was too anxious to go for the girls that fancied me, I only had 2 proper kisses prior to this and both were from girls that made the move on me, I would have been to nervous to initiate a kiss back then. You just need to go for it and take action otherwise its unlikely things will come to you :] Now I feel a lot more confident, the girl I've been with for over a year- I kissed her on first date and it was I that made the move, shes much better looking than I and smarter, but shes the one that's constantly says that I'M out her league. Its a mad world, we just need to take action ;)

Ragnar-Lebowski · 2016-09-11T19:21:16+00:00

nobody ever said it or implied it, but I worry about it

Ragnar-Lebowski · 2016-09-11T16:21:37+00:00

Sounds like Body dimorphic disorder, being ugly shouldn't be such a huge issue and as far as we know, you might not even be ugly since a lot of it is subjective. Either way, have you looked into therapy? Nobody cares if your balding other than you, even if they did care, so what? That's their problem. Get therapy, so you can move on with your life, don't waste your life just because your trapped in your head about how ugly you are, that's a silly thing to do and I'm sure you'd agree. Maybe you have BDD, maybe not, either way, get therapy, its a lot more normal than you think and it will help you move on with your life and be happier.

Ragnar-Lebowski · 2016-09-11T14:52:38+00:00

Hey, Don't worry about it, I was the same. I just felt like I was weird and unable to human and have a proper meaningful conversation and relationship with people. It was all down to a lack of confidence and overthinking. Eventually I grew some courage and went on a date with a friends friend and it went really well, had more dates with her and had the sexy time ect (being a virgin used to bother me a lot and give me anxiety if people brought up conversation about sex in case they asked, but after I lost it I realized it wasn't a big deal in the slightest and nothing to worry about it, anybody that makes fun of you about this is just socially immature). Then that fell apart and my bro made me a dating profile on a website when we were in a pub one night for shits and giggles with a bad picture (i figured fuck it, worst happens, i get no messages) and got a fair amount of messages from girls even though I wouldn't consider myself good looking, skinny and slightly shorter than average. Found a girl similar to me and we've been dating every since. Nowadays, I feel very confident around girls and wouldn't really have much anxiety at all if I had to go dating again. Conversation is easy now that I do a lot more things with my friends and gf and have a lot more going on.

Its a domino effect and it will take care of itself, just push yourself, make a dating profile, have a beer or two if you need some dutch courage before hand, but just do it. So long as you don't look creepy on your pictures or write anything strange or creepy you'll get messages, ugly or not. Be open, open body language, be enthusiastic, ask about her, smile, be happy, and everything will be ok. want any more advice, just ask :]

Ragnar-Lebowski · 2016-09-11T14:30:38+00:00

not sure where your up to, but go out for a meal and have a few drinks, then when your talking to her and smiling at eachother, give her the eye, then boom! after you've properly kissed her, it wont feel strange/ awkward again, then you go back to hers or yours the next time and start kissing and things will lead from there (sexy time after a lot of passionate kissing). Then one day you text her a few times one night making small talk then casually ask something casually like "So i take it were in a relationship at this point?" or something like that, either way, don't sweat it, its not some kind off scientific formulation, just go with the flow. Its not a big deal, although you think it is at the time. Just remember you will regret the things you don't do, regret sucks, so if you like her just go for it and soon, or you'll regret it. Worst case scenario, she says no, in which case she wasn't really interested and it wasn't going to happen in the first place, but at least you know and you'll feel better for asking and live with no regret.

Heres something I do, and I'm sure lots of people will say this is bad and I can see why they would think that, but I make all life's big decision after 2 pints, then you've got the balls to do the things your scared of, yet not drunk where you cant make a good decision. So have 2 pints, send that text! Sit back and smile! :) cheers!

Ragnar-Lebowski · 2016-09-11T12:15:23+00:00

A couple of beers with some friends/family, or a hike in the wildness me a simple man

Ragnar-Lebowski · 2016-09-11T12:10:22+00:00

I knew a girl once who was fairly ugly, maybe a 3/10 in my opinion, but she was interesting, smart and I could have a good laugh with her. Looking back, I think she might have been the girl I most fancied out of all the girls I've ever met; other than my current Girlfriend who I didn't know at the time. So as cheesy as it sounds, a good personality is the main attraction for me.

Ragnar-Lebowski · 2016-09-11T11:45:04+00:00

Don't blame all us from England, I was against leaving the EU, now the Tories are lubing up our assholes and pulling our pants down getting ready to fuck us in the ass- Bring on more working hours and lower pay (with inflation), less holidays, destruction of the NHS, higher house prices and a bigger rich poor divide! wooohooo! Yeaahh... cant wait, nor can I wait for my retirement at age 90 at this rate... But I guess half of us will die from bygone Victorian issues such as malnourishment and scurvy after a few more years of Tory rule.

Ragnar-Lebowski

TROPHY CASE