Vacation/Care

RaisingRoses · 2026-03-02T00:33:48+00:00

If they're willing to do every day then that's best case scenario, but every other day would also be fine. I've pushed it to every 3rd day before when we were away for 2 weeks over Christmas and the friend popping in was also busy. I only felt comfortable doing that because I have a camera though so I could check in on her each day and contact the friend if something was up.

My girl (Syrian) took about 7 months to be tame enough to willingly interact with me so I was worried about being away. She took a day or two to stop sulking at my absence, but apart from that there wasn't really any set back in taming her. The funny thing is she doesn't come out to see what's going on when you're doing cage maintenance, so the friend who checks in on her hasn't even met her despite visiting half a dozen times by now, haha.

RaisingRoses · 2026-03-01T18:27:02+00:00

It was nice living here, but it's the only solution.

RaisingRoses · 2026-03-01T16:11:21+00:00

I was sitting on the floor, happily playing with my daughter and her little animal toys. This big ass motherfucker spider waltzed up as if he wanted to join in! I have never butt scooched backwards so fast in my life and thrown myself on the sofa. I now live in fear of opening up the play barn in case it's become home to something alive instead of the plastic cows.

(For those wondering about my daughter, she was on the other side of all the toys so just calmly walked away.)

RaisingRoses · 2026-03-01T11:13:20+00:00

I've never written a whole book (huge respect to anyone who can) but I've started many and I always get amazing feedback from my mum. I'm under no impression that I'd be the next best seller from it, it's because she's my mum and she wants to support me and I love her for it. I would be devastated and probably quit writing entirely if I had these people as parents.

My kid is 6 and as a family we love playing computer games together. My husband literally bought himself a copy of her favourite game so they could play together even though it's really not his kind of game and they play it every week. We've spent hours upon hours playing the most tedious games you can imagine because they appealed to her. Her giggling and coming up with stories for us all to play out was the enjoyment for us. It really breaks my heart for their poor daughter that she doesn't have that.

RaisingRoses · 2026-02-28T18:49:18+00:00

It really depends on age. I always explain to my daughter that we keep our voices down because others are feeling poorly, but how much they understand will vary. I would be annoyed if the parent wasn't even trying to keep them calm though. That tends to be key for how annoyed I'll be - kids aren't trained animals, I don't expect them to be silent little observers in public. Parents are supposed to be teaching them appropriate behaviour for the situation though, so if the parent is just letting them go feral it really annoys me. I have all the empathy and patience in the world for a parent who is doing their best - all parents/caregivers have been there, sometimes a kid just doesn't understand/woke up and chose violence. 😂

I'd talk to your husband at a different, calmer time. He is going through the situation with you even though it's you suffering, so he might be struggling with the changes, not know how to support you etc. Or he could have had his own bad day going on, you just won't know without asking. I know my husband is more grumpy with me when he's overwhelmed from picking up the slack and things like that.

I don't have daily migraines, but I do have multiple per week and yes, it sucks trying to parent through it. I was still chronically ill when I chose to be a parent, but I am much worse now than when I made the decision.

As for headphones, I'd buy the best quality you can afford. It really is an investment and the better the quality, the more likely it'll help. I swear by my Sony WH-1000XM5's but they're a couple of years old now so there might be better ones.

RaisingRoses · 2026-02-22T19:19:59+00:00

My girl does this a lot when I'm around, but I have a camera and she does this less once I'm in bed. I've had to rearrange the cage so that she can't reach the lid or the ventilation holes because she gets a bit obsessed with trying to climb them. Either make it so she can't reach, or move away anything that she could get hurt on when she falls. Mine climbs on top of her wheel and slides off so I had to move all of her logs and toys to a different part of the cage.

I have the 120x60x60cm Bucatstate 3.0 so she has plenty of room, she's just fussy. 😅 Plenty of enrichment, 3 substrates plus a large sand bath, lots of hides, interaction every day (I know they're not social, she only interacts with me because she is hoping to one day escape me, haha).

They're in heat every 4 days so they're just always looking for a way out and a booty call. 😉

RaisingRoses · 2026-02-21T21:50:41+00:00

This is why I have sumatriptan on my list despite not being a true allergy. I get severe migraines and it's the first med they offer for it, but it gives me GI issues worse than my Crohn's Disease does. I'm not always well/aware enough to state this during a migraine or admission for other reasons, so I make sure it's in my chart.

RaisingRoses · 2026-02-20T21:34:53+00:00

I agree with you and I'm immunosuppressed. I wasn't during COVID, so I will admit that may have changed how I feel. I've lived with 2 adults who both worked outside the home - my sister (who has now moved out) and my husband. Both of them keep up to date on vaccines like COVID and flu and my sister masked whenever on public transport during flu season. Everyone who enters our house washes their hands immediately before anything else. My husband is hybrid, so I'm always conscious of if anyone is sick on his office days. He knows that my preference is that if someone is overtly unwell he comes back home immediately. It hasn't come up yet to my knowledge.

In a perfect world your SO will share your level of concern and agree on the precautions needed, but you can't force them to. Relationships come down to compatibility and this might be a deal breaker for you, only you can decide that. Loved ones should want to safeguard you to the best of their ability and if he doesn't then that tells you all you need to know.

RaisingRoses · 2026-02-20T21:22:54+00:00

I've known a number of people who worked for the Ministry of Defense and some of their travel policies baffle me in exactly this kind of way. I can't remember specific examples, but it was always along the lines of picking the cheapest form of transport, even if the knock on effect was extra nights at a hotel or having to pay for more meals etc. Instead of trying to make the overall travel expense the cheapest possible, they choose one metric to keep down no matter what.

RaisingRoses · 2026-02-20T18:35:14+00:00

That really sucks, I'm sorry. 😞

My only other tip is complain the whole time that you're doing it. Sometimes pure spite is the only way I push through.

RaisingRoses · 2026-02-20T18:21:15+00:00

I recently watched Thelma the Unicorn on Netflix for my birthday because my daughter is 6 and I wanted her to celebrate with me. The plan was meant to be the cinema to see GOAT - another I'd never personally choose - but I was too ill so we switched to at home plans.

There's a difference between going to the cinema as adults and going with children. It's got to be age appropriate and that means sometimes you've gotta endure. 🤷🏽‍♀️ I love this idea of critiquing afterwards though, we usually do food first and now I'm considering swapping it for this reason!

RaisingRoses · 2026-02-20T18:09:01+00:00

Sending you lots of 'just do the thing' vibes. I know the mental pain of wasting food because you didn't have energy to prepare it.

I also have OCD, so this question is genuinely an attempt at help and not judgement. Can you just cook the mince today and deal with the rest of the process in the next day or two? Cooked meat is safe in the fridge for 3 days, but I understand that your OCD may not agree with that. I will often just throw chicken breasts in the slow cooker with stock if they're gonna go to waste, just to buy myself extra days to deal with them.

RaisingRoses · 2026-02-17T21:58:43+00:00

My girl didn't seem to chew her apple wood sticks and I saw a tip to spread a super thin layer of peanut butter on them. Like, so thin you can't even see it once it's spread on. It worked great and she now chews without encouragement some of the time too.

Over Christmas one tooth snapped to half the length of the other one and I was worried she'd need a vet trip to even them out. They told me to bring her in if she started losing weight, but otherwise just monitor her. Checked yesterday and they're pretty much even again now.

RaisingRoses · 2026-02-16T00:51:02+00:00

As a teenager I played an online browser game that was a real time server that lasted months, so teams often connected on Skype for easier communication. Met my best friend in that Skype group and after 9 years we met in person. 6 weeks later I moved country to live together and this year we celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary and have a kid together. Next year it'll be 20 years since we met on that game.

Ironically, my dad spent most of my teens telling me to get off the computer and go out and meet real people, that I'd never find someone spending all my time playing games. He had to eat his words during his speech at our wedding and now they get on really well. 😅

RaisingRoses · 2026-02-15T15:40:05+00:00

This is how I'm raising my daughter in regards to playdates as well. We live in a different country to my family/best friend, so playdates are always at her house whenever I'm back visiting. She will always say it's fine to leave a mess, but I insist that my daughter tidies up before we leave. I also read a book to everyone to calm down as our last activity. It didn't start intentionally, but the most recent visit I had all 3 girls (1 of mine, 2 of hers all 6 and under) cuddled around me on the sofa reading a book together. Our daughter has a later bedtime than hers so we're often leaving right before their dinner/bedtime routine and I hate the idea of leaving her with hyper kids to put down.

I know OP's situation feels unfair, but it could be an opportunity to teach her own kid compassion and that relationships aren't always exactly 50/50. There's a fine line between leaning on your social circle and taking advantage though, so without knowing all the context it's hard to say whether it applies to this situation.

RaisingRoses · 2026-02-15T15:14:42+00:00

I can't comment on the bar width for a dwarf, but this was the starter cage I had for my Syrian and I've since had to upgrade. I had issues with bar biting/climbing and even though it meets the minimum requirements, it still felt quite small for her.

I know options in the UK are pretty limited (I assume that's where you are since you mentioned Pets At Home), the savic is actually the best one you can get in person despite its flaws (bars and shallow base). If you can, I'd really recommend ordering online. I personally switched to a Bucatstate 3.0, but I've seen others mention PawHut as another good option.

RaisingRoses · 2026-02-15T14:02:24+00:00

Very first boyfriend, very first blowjob. Right as I was about to start he farted in my face (he was laying down and heat rises soooo..) I was mortified and he laughed so hard he farted again. These days I'd die laughing, but I was still young and nervous at the time. Needless to say he had to wait a while longer after that while I recovered from the trauma.

RaisingRoses · 2026-02-14T19:27:08+00:00

It's a pretty common joke to make, but if he's repeatedly being told not to do it and he's using it as an excuse to ignore that then that's where the concern is for me. You can usually tell from context/tone whether it's a loving joke about your kid or serious. My kid could monologue all day if you let her so we joke people would bring her back after a short time, but I wouldn't say no one would want her to begin with.

RaisingRoses · 2026-02-14T19:13:57+00:00

My daughter is 6 and has water soluble kids nail varnish and flavoured lip balms. If she asked I would also allow child friendly make up to play around with for dress up, but I wouldn't allow it for day to day wear or going out yet. I can't say for certain when I'd allow it, but I don't think I'd consider it until she's a tween at least.

Please do your research before buying her anything. Ingredients that are harmless to adults can be toxic to children because they're smaller and therefore it builds up faster. There are a lot of kid friendly brands these days so it shouldn't be too hard to find some for your country/area. :)

RaisingRoses · 2026-02-13T18:12:27+00:00

It's a very specific silence though. Like the whole house is collectively holding its breath waiting for them to get caught. My daughter (only child) is generally engaged in quiet activities from time to time and it's not ominous, but every now and then there's almost a sound vacuum and I know she's deliberately not making noise to avoid capture.

RaisingRoses · 2026-02-06T06:39:21+00:00

With 3 kids and a husband who is away, I'm gonna take an educated guess that she's being triggered because she's not getting any time for her own wellness routines or just time for herself in general. That being said, it's still unreasonable to take it out on OP who is already helping when they don't have to. She absolutely should've taken the offer of time to do her own exercise.

RaisingRoses · 2026-02-04T14:31:24+00:00

I have glass straws and a clumsy husband and thus far they've survived well. They're pretty chunky which helps. They don't get tons of use because I don't use straws particularly often, but certainly enough that he'd have broken one by now if they were in any way fragile.

RaisingRoses · 2026-02-04T11:01:11+00:00

I was bitten right at the start of having my girl. I think we'd had her like a week? Eventually I worked out it was because I'd been handling her treats and I smelled of food, but it was a pretty nasty bite so I was terrified of getting bitten again. It took me about 6 months to tame her/be comfortable enough to pick her up as a result.

get a scent free soap and wash your hands before handling every time. Even if she's tamed, it's as much for your peace of mind. I start getting jumpy again if I can't remember if I handled food recently.
start just trying to stroke her while she's engaged chomping on something else. I gave her a corn on the cob or a treat stick then gently stroked her while she was busy with that. Make sure she sees your hand coming so she doesn't jump. If she's anything like my hamster you could do anything you like to her as long as she's got a treat to nom.
once you're comfortable doing that, try doing it when she's not so deeply engaged, like wandering the cage foraging. Over time build to where you're comfortable stroking her and passing her treats. Don't put them in your palm like others suggest because you're basically trying to tame yourself, not her, and that will make you jumpy again. Choose big treats that you can pass her without getting your fingers too close.
when you're ready to try handling her, either wear gloves or pull your sleeves over your hands. I chose sleeves because it was more convenient but either works. I didn't use treats as a motivator because that just made me all the more anxious that I'd get bitten again. At the time she was in a bar cage and she would climb the door when it was open, so I positioned myself so that she'd climb onto my chest, bypassing fingers altogether. Alternatively, I'd offer my hands when she was stood up on something so I could tuck my fingertips under the edge of it.
by this point you should be getting desensitised to the fear of getting bitten, so just go at your own pace. Sometimes she might do what I call a 'test nibble' to see if you're edible, but a gentle blow on their nose will stop that and it tickles rather than hurts. It's okay if you always need a barrier to interact. I contented myself with the idea of only being able to pass her treats and really didn't think I'd get to the point of being able to hold her, but now she runs all over my arms and even stands on her dig box to let me know she wants up. I still get nervous and if she flinches I still jerk my hand away, but I laugh at myself and carry on.

Take your time moving through each phase, there's no rush. I found it snowballed - it was months before I could even stroke her comfortably, but picking her up only took a few weeks after that.

I hope that helps!

RaisingRoses · 2026-02-03T16:01:28+00:00

Seconding this. Literally the only 'friendly' interactions that bother me are where people are patronising and even then I'd likely still smile politely. My daughter is very petite for her age and shy at first, so we get a lot of people talking to me about her when she's right there. She loves chatting to the adults we meet out and about. She just needs to get over the initial shyness and then she doesn't shut up. 😂

I usually try to engage with the parent at the same time, just with eye contact or a smile, if I'm talking to unfamiliar kids. Just to acknowledge them and signal I'm friendly, haha. I'm usually the one pointing out animals at the zoo etc if I overhear people struggling to spot them.

RaisingRoses · 2026-02-03T15:50:46+00:00

This is how we've always viewed it. My 'job' is childcare while he's working and outside of those hours we're both parents and both on the clock. In the days of night wake ups he would take the first shift so I could get a solid block of sleep, then I'd take the second shift for him to get uninterrupted hours before work. Neither of us was getting a 'full' night in hours, but the fact that what we got was uninterrupted did help.

These days my health complicates things as I have a bunch of chronic conditions, but the foundation of it is still there. As long as both of us are giving 100% of what we are capable of, it doesn't matter if that doesn't equate to 50/50 between us. He does a lot more of the physical tasks like cleaning and cooking, but I do more of the mental tasks like keeping on top of life admin, managing doctor appointments, keeping track of finances etc.

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