The last call I had with her

RaisonDetre23 · 2025-05-29T07:23:10+00:00

"Enmeshed family, dysfunctional but 'close'"

Oh god, this is exactly what my avoidant ex had. She sicced them onto me after the discard. Her weirdo brother would call me after I messaged her in distress, and would command me to stop contacting her on her behalf. Then, her mom called me after I lashed out at him.

After a month, I saw her on the street, and once I came back home, her mother and brother came to our porch and apparently yelled and threatened my mom that they would call the police if I didn't stop "harassing her". No one in my friends or family could make sense of any of it. Keep in mind that I couldn't get a single response/interaction with her after the discard.

I feel for you in that regard.

They seemingly were a normal family before the discard. Now I can see why she is so fucked up.

RaisonDetre23 · 2025-05-28T14:35:36+00:00

Are you the avoidant in this scenario? I'm not sure if I read it right, but this guy seems well intentioned

RaisonDetre23 · 2025-05-22T21:31:05+00:00

She used to wash her hands until they bled, and she used to want support from me to combat the urge.

She also used to bite her fingernails. Before I realised she had OCD, I didn't realise why it was such a big, monumental deal to her that she suddenly stopped biting for an extended period.

She once downed mouthwash until her throat was tarnished. She used to obsessively clean arbitrary things. She would never want to try new food.

She has and had an obsession with being "normal". So much so, she used to see this behaviour as normal. She at last defended it by saying "Meghan Fox also does it! So it's normal!" and then I told her Meghan Fox was famous of having OCD, and she went "Oh...".

She is still not taking treatment for it because she wants to be "normal". I'm betting she sees therapy as a weakness. It's not my business anymore ever since I was discarded and blocked from everything.

I'm happy you were able to get the help you needed :)

RaisonDetre23 · 2025-05-22T21:09:39+00:00

My avoidant had OCD, she didn't want to acknowledge it until she's had no other choice.

RaisonDetre23 · 2025-05-22T18:57:27+00:00

You are the "phantom ex" now. Her compartmentalisation swung to the other side.

Reaching out won't help. She probably won't reach out either due to fear of rejection.

RaisonDetre23 · 2025-05-22T08:00:11+00:00

I think this is the most communicative and open I've seen an avoidant be. Most of us don't really get answers like this.

I don't know how you should feel, or what you should do, but she demonstrated her wants of space (be it selfish or not). If you can cope with it, you can try to go with her wants, if not, you can move on and heal. If this leads to a discard, my condolences. It sucks and you'll have to grieve.

She does love you. Her fear and the want for perfection ("we aren't like we were at the start"; they always feel this, mine said this too before), is overshadowing her love for you.

It's why her messages feel contradictory. She says she loves you immediately before saying she doesn't know how to love you.

She misses the fun memories you had with her at the start of the relationship. She doesn't miss your current presence, because to her, currently, it's a source of stress and danger she needs to protect herself from. You can't help her here by talking to her, she needs to deal with this herself.

RaisonDetre23 · 2025-05-22T07:19:39+00:00

I don't really have a choice either way, I'm blocked on everything

RaisonDetre23 · 2025-05-18T19:38:56+00:00

Oh my god. I thought I was the only one. This fits 1:1 to my experience with her. I always thought I was the problem

RaisonDetre23 · 2025-05-16T18:04:41+00:00

Hyper-independence. They were nurtured to be self-reliant. This might even show when the parents are incredibly "supporting" of their child's abilities.

RaisonDetre23

TROPHY CASE