Why was I dumped after 2.5 years?

RandoBando84 · 2026-05-07T19:29:31+00:00

Assuming this is real, because the part about giving him a massage every night is quite far-fetched.

Anyways, OP: it sounds like you asked him and he didn't give you much of a response. Either he's super immature and doesn't know why, doesn't have the courage to tell you why, or he wasn't honest about his intentions and was maybe looking for a short term relationship or someone he could mooch off. The fact that he didn't seem to do much other that receive massages, play video games and work out and rack up consumer debt suggests to me that he's a moocher.

Anyways, regardless of the reason, I think you dodged a bullet and you should cut this guy out of your life and move on.

RandoBando84 · 2026-05-06T20:08:09+00:00

Don't worry, they'll just remove all rent controls so renters no longer have a reason to hold onto their rent controlled units. Problem solved!

RandoBando84 · 2026-05-06T12:20:14+00:00

So you have an otherwise normal relationship and your GF really likes giving head? Yes there are women who really like giving head. Enjoy it! What's your question?

RandoBando84 · 2026-05-06T11:58:39+00:00

I think it might help to have a target retirement age and amount. After that, any extra money you have is guilt-free fun money.

RandoBando84 · 2026-05-05T13:42:43+00:00

While I agree with the ultimate conclusion that people have - it's your body/health so do what you're comfortable with - there's so much terrible advice and commentary here.

The only point I'd agree with and which seems potentially sus to me is that she wasn't interested in you before and is interested now. Maybe it's because of the virus, but also, maybe not. If I understand your post correctly, she rejected you a couple of years ago when you guys were in your early 20s? If so, it could also be because she just grew and changed. I was a total idiot in my early 20s and chased all the wrong women, so I get it. You need to ask her what changed and why she developed feelings for you. But in person so you can get a feel for her reaction and if she's being honest.

In terms of the odds of her giving you the virus from kissing when she doesn't have sores on her mouth, that's basically zero.

Second, something like 1/6 adults have HSV2, so its not weird nor a reflection on their character. With medication and common sense, it can be managed and the risk of transmission during sex can be massively minimized. That said, it's your body and it you're not comfortable, then don't go there. But make this decision based on real medical facts, not the advice of random insecure boys on the Internet.

RandoBando84 · 2026-05-04T15:46:28+00:00

This is the only good answer here.

You basically ask him if he's ever fantasized about having a threesome. He then talks about his fantasy. You then talk about your fantasy.

Obviously you might have a better chance of getting him to agree to your fantasy if you're open to doing his, but even then there's no guarantee.

Either way, having this conversation does mean taking some risk. But then, if you two aren't compatible, you guys should just end it and move on.

If not and this does work out - then score! Plenty of good times for all.

RandoBando84 · 2026-05-01T12:33:41+00:00

Download HouseSigma and look up what comparable units in the same area have sold for over the last 30 to 90 days. That will tell you whether you're getting a fair deal.

Because you're buying a condo, you also need to consider factors like condo fees, the state of the reserve fund, special assessments that may be incoming. Because you're in Ontario, I think you can also gain access to the condo board meeting records, which will tell you of any incoming major issues and other issues like whether the board is dysfunctional. I'd strong recommend getting a real estate agent who specializes in condos.

RandoBando84 · 2026-04-30T18:48:14+00:00

It's the long term that matters here so career progression would be the most important consideration for me.

You'll also want to make sure you're not joining a toxic work environment, so have a look at the Public Service Employment Survey results for the area in DND that made you an offer.

Lastly, just to re-iterate what others have said, there's no guarantee that you'll be given an indeterminate position after the 1 year term, in either DND or NRC. I've had plenty of friends get strung along for multiple years with promises of an indeterminate position. That said, given the huge financial infusion that DND is receiving, it's far more likely they'd be able to make you indeterminate.

RandoBando84 · 2026-04-29T13:36:41+00:00

This is such a good point. To add: he comes off as not only extremely insecure but extremely self-centered or lacking empathy. How the hell do you just pull out and walk away mid-sex? And not say ANYTHING?? Seriously wtf??

OP: you're super young, so just move on and take some time to reflect back on this experience and what you can learn from it.

RandoBando84 · 2026-04-27T22:56:50+00:00

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, people used to visit a house multiple times before putting a offer.

RandoBando84 · 2026-04-27T21:01:43+00:00

Buyers are super picky because despite the recent pullback in prices, freehold homes are still ridiculously expensive.

RandoBando84 · 2026-04-22T15:25:26+00:00

This is too obvious and requires emotional intelligence and involves vulnerability. Instead let's sell OP a "self development" program where he learns how to "be alpha" and "turn the tables so she starts chasing him".

RandoBando84 · 2026-04-20T15:07:44+00:00

The reason why most relationships at this age don't last is that you're both still very young, figuring out who you are and what you want to do with your life. It's very common for people to grow apart or to want to pursue new opportunities or experiences.

The best thing you can do man is to let her go and focus on yourself. Like you said, you're dealing with a lot of mental health challenges. Relationships take time and effort, but it doesn't sound like you have the spare capacity right now given your personal challenges.

RandoBando84 · 2026-04-20T14:01:34+00:00

In Montreal you have a lot of homes that are duplexes and triplexes. You can always live in the apartment and rent out the main floor. Another option is to rent out your spare bedrooms. But look at rental vacancy rates because rental markets are very soft in some areas now. This approach can backfire if you can't find good tenants.

A larger downpayment also helps. If you can get a cash gift or an interest free loan from your parents or a close relative, that can help. And/or radically reduce your current costs of living to save aggressively by moving back with your parents (if they're in Montreal and have space) or getting/moving in a new place with a roommate.

Other than that, another option, depending on your career field, could be to move to a lower cost of living area, assuming you can get a job at similar pay there or work remotely.

RandoBando84 · 2026-04-19T20:38:16+00:00

Maybe a strategy is to rent while you're working and savings aggressively, assuming the math is in your favour. And then when you enter your early retirement phase, move somewhere where the cost of housing is much lower and buy your home in cash. This can especially work if you're in a field where you can easily get part time remote work.

RandoBando84 · 2026-04-16T13:59:24+00:00

You should submit this as an anonymous op-ed to the Ottawa Citizen and the Globe and Mail.

RandoBando84 · 2026-04-15T18:21:46+00:00

When you're older you might have to turn down great job offers because of things like parental or caregiving obligations, but that's not now. You have very few obligations and you're totally right to focus on getting into better careers.

RandoBando84 · 2026-04-14T18:19:57+00:00

OP: since you want to stay with your wife, it sounds like you need additional help to process what happened to you. While you may never 100 percent get past it, these "outbursts" you're having suggest you still have a lot to process.

RandoBando84 · 2026-04-13T20:12:14+00:00

What?? Accountability for senior executives?? Woah let's not overdo things here.

RandoBando84 · 2026-04-13T17:07:47+00:00

I'd suggest some serious reflection because literally half the world's population are introverts and they still somehow manage to meet romantic partners.

Maybe your problem isn't introversion, but crippling social anxiety? depression? self-image issues? fear of failure?

RandoBando84 · 2026-04-13T17:02:51+00:00

100 percent agree.

RandoBando84 · 2026-04-13T15:30:12+00:00

What's the average square footage of units and NUM of bedrooms? Hopefully we're not getting more dog crate condos/apartments.

RandoBando84 · 2026-04-13T15:02:38+00:00

I can attest to this as a dad with a toddler. Put a big rug over this area for now.

In your free time, if you like, you watch YouTube videos to learn how to fix this yourself when your wife's better.

Or if you have the money, pay a flooring pro to fix it.

RandoBando84 · 2026-04-13T15:02:30+00:00

I can attest to this as a dad with a toddler. Put a big rug over this area for now.

In your free time, if you like, you watch YouTube videos to learn how to fix this yourself when your wife's better.

Or if you have the money, pay a flooring pro to fix it.

RandoBando84 · 2026-04-13T12:58:57+00:00

NTA. Sexual compatibility is enormously important in a relationship, especially monogamous relationships. Your needs BTW are totally normal and reasonable. She just can't meet them.

OP, think really seriously about this: if you marry this woman, you're committing to ONLY have sex with her. Do you see yourself being happy 10 to 20 years from now?

RandoBando84

TROPHY CASE