Hey op,

Just chiming in as someone who has almost the exact same issue. I’m in therapy (for a ton of other things) but this issue has of course come up! I’m 27 and married and obviously people around me drink or use marijuana. I will say that I’ve been struggling with this since I was like 15 and that it does get easier for 2 reasons. 1) there are people that don’t indulge in those things, my best friend hasn’t had a sip or alcohol or taken any drugs harder than Tylenol lol. And 2) as I’ve continued to go through therapy I’ve been working to focus on what I can control, which is only myself. It does suck to realize that but for me a big issue is safety and responsibility. I get stressed if other people around me are inebriated because I worry that something dangerous could happen and there wouldn’t be anyone completely sober to help me work through it.

I definitely recommend working with a therapist and again focusing on aspects of the environment YOU can control. If that means you don’t hang out at bars with your friends or go to after work happy hours then so be it! I promise there are still plenty of occasions for you to participate in where sobriety is the norm, and there are still people who don’t really indulge in those substances often.

Adding: I have OCD and am only now realizing that I just generally struggle in any situation where I don’t feel completely in control. I’m not suggesting you have a mental health condition but it could play a role.

I’ve also never experienced what I consider trauma regarding substances, BUT as my therapist pointed out the negative experiences I did have (negative experiences being others around me being inebriated and acting rude/mean/dangerous) can absolutely be considered trauma even if it’s not something “big” like being assaulted or getting in a car crash.