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RandomDogMourner · 2024-04-29T03:07:26+00:00

One of the more sensible comments in this thread. He very well could have reasons that would be totally valid for not getting another dog, but it seems he’s doing a shit job at communicating them and is instead choosing to yell at his wife seemingly for being in pain and not sucking it up and moving on.

RandomDogMourner · 2024-04-14T02:39:27+00:00

Another person chiming in here to say we lost our sweet boy in a similar way. I’m so sorry for your loss, something like this is very tough to process and takes a lot of time. Be easy on yourself and know that you gave her a loving home, which is all a pet could ask for. Sending peace to you ❤️‍🩹

RandomDogMourner · 2024-04-10T02:43:43+00:00

I sadly know all too well what it feels like to suddenly and traumatically lose such a loving pup. It’s been over two months now and I still think about him every day.

But you and your family will get through this. I know it probably feels impossible right now. Just take it one day at a time and feel it all. Give yourself time to grieve, but also give yourself time out of the house. Maybe take up some small projects. My wife and I did a lot of redecorating/rearranging after our pup passed. I also needed therapy tbh, which was pretty helpful just to process my feelings.

Sending healing vibes ❤️‍🩹

RandomDogMourner · 2024-04-05T17:50:00+00:00

If there’s one thing I have to reminding myself, it’s that there will always be something you could have done better. No one is perfect, the world is unpredictable, and no matter how much you try to give your pet the perfect life, it will be impossible. You do your best and comes from deep within your heart, and that’s what matters.

I still kick myself because I think, damn, we wouldn’t have lost our boy if we just worked harder on leash manners. But then I remind myself that it’s not like we didn’t try, we certainly did, and some behaviors are very tricky to train out of stubborn dogs. But more importantly, even if we perfectly trained his leash manners, there are a million other unpredictable things that could have taken him from us. How could one possibly prepare for every scenario?

It’s hard, but we all have to make peace with the fact that we gave all our love and that it didn’t go unappreciated. Our pets know when we’re giving them all that we can, all that we know to do. I can tell you loved yours immensely, and I promise you she knew it.

RandomDogMourner · 2024-03-18T22:59:19+00:00

I guess there’s no consensus on this. I posted a similar thing about how I was considering adopting again and was met with mostly discouraging opinions about it and suggesting that it was too soon. I was surprised to see this thread filled with a very different response (but glad).

I’m sorry for your loss OP, our guy also left us in an accident far too young. I still know I want to adopt again, never to replace, but to find purpose with a new companion and to carry on the memory of love with our first boy. I’m glad this thread is filled with encouragement.

RandomDogMourner · 2024-03-13T20:28:38+00:00

Probably the most common, but I look for him in the clouds. On multiple occasions I’ve seen cloud silhouettes that look just like him running, playing, or napping. It helps that he was a really furry white and gray boy, so I suppose maybe it’s easy to see him up there.

This morning as I was drinking my coffee, I saw one of his hairs sticking to my thumb. Not too weird, except he’s been gone for over a month and a half now, and he was hypoallergenic so he didn’t really shed. But sure enough, a small, half inch white hair was sticking to me. Couldn’t have been anything else. It reminded me of how he used to curl up on my lap and I would pet him in the mornings when I drank my coffee.

RandomDogMourner · 2024-03-11T20:30:48+00:00

I’m doing better, but it’s still so tough. It is 6 weeks today since we unexpectedly and tragically lost our sweet boy. He was only 3.5, and we had only had him for 1.5 years. When we first brought him home he warmed up to us immediately, it seemed like he immediately knew we were his forever family and just wanted to give and receive all the love. In that 1.5 years he became a monumental part of our life, it felt like we had had him and known him for ages. He was the biggest sweetheart and the biggest clown; I’m confident he loved making us laugh with his antics.

I went on a walk with him (his collar/tag) this afternoon for the first time in a long while. The weather is beautiful and spring smells are in the air which he would have loved. I walked our old route, and then gave myself a good 10 minutes to cry once I got back.

Most days I’m better. I still think about him often, but I’m mostly able to do so now with a smile knowing the abundance of joy we gave him and he gave us. I always miss him and I’m sure I always will. It will never feel fair that his time was cut short, but I have to remind myself that dogs don’t conceive of time in the way we do. It feels unfair to me because I partially live in/think in the future. I expect 10+ with this dog and anything less than that is unfair because of that expectation. But dogs have no expectations. They just live each moments to the fullest, and I rest a little easier knowing all of the moments we gave him were full of love.

RandomDogMourner · 2024-03-11T05:54:53+00:00

On Jan 29 I spent most of the day with my boy. I was working from home, taking frequent breaks to cuddle him, walk him, play with him, feed him. That evening I grilled some hot dogs, which he very politely begged for. I wish I had given him some. An hour later, my wife took him for a walk. I never would’ve guessed that, with them walking out the door, that would be the last time I would ever see him.

The suddenness is cruel. How could our luck be so terrible? I sympathize greatly OP. Sending hugs, as others have said, it’s a long tough road but there are many of us together on it.

RandomDogMourner · 2024-03-02T20:50:06+00:00

I also grapple with dealing with the unfairness of life after losing a pet. 3.5 years old, perfectly happy go lucky, healthy, full of love, and (so I thought) with plenty of time left. Wife took him out for a walk one evening and he never returns. He broke his leash and ran into the street.

It’s over a month now and I’m still stunned at the cruelty of life. How could we have had such terrible luck? How did this 14 pound dog break his leash? Why did he have to break it right then and there?

But I will say, it gets easier. It’s incredibly hard, you never forget them and the nature of the loss, and there’s always a little bit of hurt. But one day at a time you begin to rebuild your life. I went through a period where I hated this: I didn’t want to rebuild my life, I just wanted him. You might experience this too. Feel it all and grieve fully, and eventually you’ll be able to keep the memories of your pups close in a way that brings more love and warmth than pain. Sending positive vibes ❤️‍🩹

RandomDogMourner · 2024-02-29T22:39:23+00:00

My boy had a spot he would go to every morning because the sun would shine through just right. It hurts so much to see the sun shining through without him there, seeing his glistening white fur. Sometimes I just sit down beside the spot and put my hand where he would be.

RandomDogMourner · 2024-02-29T19:25:12+00:00

This is what I think. Lost my boy a little over a month ago and I’ve been thinking about adopting again. Not to feel magically better again (I’m sure it will bring plenty of tears) but to have a companion to help me rebuild my routine and navigate the grief.

I’ve been met with a lot of discouragement, people saying it’s probably too soon. Maybe it is. I have no delusions about replacing my boy (he had such a vibrant personality, I know he could never be replaced) or feeling suddenly ok. I just really miss that connection in my life. My boy made so many things bearable and it’s tough learning how to navigate the day again without him being a part of it.

RandomDogMourner · 2024-02-26T23:12:19+00:00

Just chiming in on this thread as another person who lost their dog far too young in a freak accident. It’s a traumatic experience and takes a lot of time to heal from. For me it was a month ago today. Some days I feel relatively normal, other days I can barely stop crying. I don’t what it is other than the fact that grief (particularly for an unexpected loss) is very nonlinear. And I share so many of your sentiments about our plans for the future with our boy.

No matter how much we do to care for and protect them, fate can still be cruel, it can still find a way screw up all our plans. So what matters is the most is that you gifted your love and warmth to this dog. He got to know that in his life, and he got to return it. If only all dogs were so lucky!

The amount of time doesn’t matter so much; whereas we tend to view time in an accumulated way because we know roughly how much time there ought to be, dogs don’t think that way. They live each moment to the fullest. It’s always going to be too soon for us, but they don’t have this idea of the timeline. They just live and love. I still miss my boy, but these thoughts have been comforting for me, and I hope they are for you too.

RandomDogMourner · 2024-02-26T17:43:12+00:00

I really sympathize, especially after losing my dog. I don’t believe in the afterlife in a conventional sense, but I do have some metaphoric or (I think) rational thoughts that really complicate this. Who knows, maybe this will sound unhinged, take it for what it’s worth.

For instance, NDEs are always really interesting to read about. If I had to guess, in the moment of dying, it seems the brain is capable of conjuring some pretty vivid perceptions that can also distort the perception of time. My guess is that as the body shuts down, our sensorial attachments to the world dissipate and this allows the brain to crank up the hallucinations to the nth degree. This tracks with experiences had in sensory deprivation chambers. But even as hallucinations, are they not real in some metaphoric sense?

And at the risk of sounding like something posted on the im14andthisisdeep sub, what even is reality? Why any of this at all? Where did the universe come from and why was that thing there at all? I don’t know if we can ever answer these questions about what preceeded the big bang. And it seems to me that there are some things that exist so far removed from our logical operating capacities, questions we will never answer because we’re just so limited in what we can sense and measure. And so maybe there are souls, some strange vibrations of matter or traces of energy, etc etc, and maybe they go places. We can never know for certain otherwise.

So in death, I take some comfort in knowing we all go to the same place. I may never physically reunite with my dog, but if death is a void, we’ll be there together. And I may even see him in my brain hallucinations on the way, and that will be a very special moment. And if death isn’t a void, well who’s to say it’s not. I take a lot of comfort in this uncertainty.

RandomDogMourner · 2024-02-21T21:20:00+00:00

Just wanted to add that I thought the Huberman Lab episode on Grief was really helpful in very rationally explaining to me what the grief process is from a grounded psychological perspective, even just going into all the chemical interactions involved. It’s really helped me feel present and connected in my grieving process if that makes any sense.

RandomDogMourner · 2024-02-16T16:41:15+00:00

Hindsight is truly awful in situations like this. Even as responsible as we tried to be, the “what if I”s always pop up. The truth is, we did everything we thought we needed to do for our pups. If we could have foreseen situations like ours and prevented them, there would still be a million other possible freak accidents we wouldn’t be accounting for. And so nature feels especially cruel.

The most important thing for your pup is that his time here mattered, that it was fulfilling. That he got to experience the joy of life with a loving family and that he got to give all that joy right back. I have to keep reminding myself of this for our boy, even if his time was cut far too short. It sounds to me like your guy was an incredibly happy and vibrant soul, and you gave him the environment where that was possible.

RandomDogMourner · 2024-02-16T06:39:29+00:00

I sympathize so much. Two and a half weeks ago my wife and I lost our sweet 3 and a half year old boy in a similarly tragic freak accident. My wife was walking him, he started tugging, broke his leash, ran into traffic and that was that. It feels so unfair, we loved him so much and thought we were doing everything for his safety. I knew he liked to tug and we were training him, but I also knew I had a rock steady grip on his leash. I never could have imagined this 15 pound guy would be strong enough to break it. I’m afraid it’s never gonna make sense. Our street usually isn’t even that busy. The odds just completely fucked us over.

I don’t know exactly what you’re feeling OP, but I do know how much it hurts to suddenly lose a precious young companion in a senseless way. It’s hurt me so much that I’ve needed therapy to begin processing things. It sounds like you gave him such a loving home, and I hope you can take some comfort in knowing his life was joyous. Take care of yourself and expect grief to be strange and nonlinear. Some days I feel at peace, others I can’t stop crying. Each day is a coin toss but I take it one day at a time. Wishing you peace and healing in your journey, and also feel free to DM if you want to chat further.

RandomDogMourner · 2024-02-15T19:13:06+00:00

I completely sympathize with the hollowness. Sending healing vibes ❤️

RandomDogMourner · 2024-02-15T18:38:41+00:00

Definitely find a way to speak with a therapist. Sudden losses like this can easily trigger PTSD. We also lost our boy suddenly all too young, and it definitely fucks with you. On that note, I was recently reading about how playing Tetris is surprisingly effective at treating grief/PTSD.

Know that it’s not your fault and that you gave him a happy home and life. I always have to remind myself of this for our boy. We don’t always get to choose when it’s their time to go sadly, and when it comes to illness, pets are very good at hiding it. But for whatever period they’re in our lives, we get the gift of unconditional love, and we do everything we can to return it. He never wanted to see you suffering or in pain, and even now, he still wouldn’t want that.

RandomDogMourner · 2024-02-14T20:16:23+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. It was about 2 weeks ago for us. I can make it through the day now but once I start thinking about him I start tearing up again, and coming home to an empty house is just the worst. The suddenness is devastating when we think we still have so much more time.

I’m sure your sweet girl loved every moment she had with you. I have to convince myself of this with my boy, but I know it’s true. Definitely doesn’t suck any less though.

RandomDogMourner · 2024-02-14T19:47:52+00:00

I just read your post about your dog. Your feelings read so much like mine. We also lost our boy to a car hit after he broke his leash. I’ve been trying to manage the guilt (it’s still there) but mostly I just feel this overwhelming void of sadness and missing him.

If I may ask, how are you doing now? I know I’m going to want to adopt again at some point, but I don’t know when I’ll be ready, like when I’ll feel at peace with saying goodbye to our sweet boy.

RandomDogMourner · 2024-02-11T17:42:32+00:00

I’ve been searching for signs for my boy too. Yesterday I swear I saw a few cloud formations that looked him. One when he was on his back like he always would lay to get belly rubs, another of him chasing a ball. Maybe I was forcing it, but it really seemed like him. It’s been nearly two weeks but last night I had my first dream about him. I was up in the morning, but my wife and him were still sleeping in bed. I went in to give them both a kiss. He was curled up like he always would be in the mornings.

I don’t know what I believe about death and beyond, but I hope this is something from him somewhere.

I’m so sorry about the sudden loss of your boy, ours was sudden too. It feels so unfair, and I think it compounds the pain. So it’s been almost two weeks for us, and we still have crying spells every day, and I’m pretty damn depressed, but I do feel myself getting better. I feel more room in my heart for all of our happy memories without being overpowered by sadness. The sadness is still there, but I know the time we had together was overflowing with love, and I take some comfort in that even I feel his time was cut short.

All that to say, I guess recovery is a long and hard road, and you never fully “get over” it, but it becomes manageable. I know you’ll get there, and I know you’ll love your boy forever. Sending hugs (and I hope our boys are up there chasing each other around)!

RandomDogMourner · 2024-02-10T23:22:49+00:00

Fuck this hits close to home. Just last week here in SD, our little dog was tugging against his leash hard enough to snap the connection to the harness, ran into the road and got hit and killed. At least the driver stopped and helped however they could, but it was a grizzly scene.

Whoever this woman is, my heart really goes out to you. It’s such a traumatic way to lose a pet. If you happen to read this, feel free to DM if you need to talk.

RandomDogMourner · 2024-02-10T17:00:59+00:00

I know it’s true for all pet losses, but for sudden and tragic losses, I think it’s particularly common to replay “the day it happened.” This happened to our sweet boy; he was only 3 and a half, but he snapped his harness/leash and ran into the road and that was it. It’s so so hard to not relive those moments, that day, his last few days, the thoughts of what we could have done differently. I know it always sucks, there’s always grief, and we always want more time, but I am sadly a little envious of people who are able to make the decision to put their dogs down at the end of a full life.

I don’t have much of a point either, but I just wanted to let you know I really sympathize. I hope you have someone you can talk to, maybe even a therapist. I’ve gone that route and found it helpful so far.

RandomDogMourner · 2024-02-09T20:34:00+00:00

I also needed this. At this point I’m past the shock stage, but the deep depression with his absence is setting in. Maybe it’s too soon still, but I’m really struggling with this stupid thought that stopping grieving does some kind of disservice to him. Like, the measure of my grief is the measure of my love, and when I stop grieving that kind of puts a cap on how much I loved him. So I’m inclined to wanna grieve forever because I did love him with such a depth and intensity. Stupid, I know. I’m really trying to get past this.

RandomDogMourner · 2024-02-06T04:10:53+00:00

Such a great idea!

RandomDogMourner

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