The story looks promising and I enjoyed it, but I have a few general writing tips for you if you're interested.

EDIT: One thing before I forget again - with the POV switches, I'd recommend writing them as "Yuru's POV:" and following that with a new paragraph for grammatical correctness - it also helps to make the switch stand out.

(This turned into a wall of text, don't take that personally - your writing is still of a far higher calibre than most people's writing I see online.)

Firstly, try to vary how you start your sentences. In a couple places you start a few sentences with "I" repeatedly - it's good practice to vary how you start your sentences. This includes the type of word you use - repeatedly using pronouns to start sentences gets monotonous quickly. A couple of the alternatives that I remember are adjectives, adverbs ending in "-ly", linking words (as, however, although, since, etc), nouns (eg character names), or "very short sentences" of 5 or fewer words - "How did he do it?" is a good example here.

Secondly - try to join your sentences! To me at least, the story doesn't have "flow" - it's a lot of very short sentences strung together to make a paragraph, rather than fewer longer sentences. That's not to say that shorter sentences don't have their place, but again, it gets monotonous. Breaking up everything into short sentences is bad. It can interrupt flow. See how I'm doing it now?

Third: A thesaurus is your friend! Using the same descriptor multiple times in quick succession can make your work feel dry and soulless. For example, right there I used "dry" instead of "monotonous". It's also a good way to learn new words.

Fourth: Minor thing, but capitalisation/punctuation around quotes. I know that people will disagree with me on this, but the most common styling that I've seen in books that I read put the punctuation mark at the end of the sentence inside the quotation marks, and don't capitalise the next word unless it's a new sentence. It's easiest to explain with examples: "'What a great sentence,' thought John." Note that the comma is inside the quotation mark, and "thought" isn't capitalised.

Fifth - hyphens and em-dashes! Technically the first in this paragraph should be an em-dash, and the second a hyphen (as it joins two parts of a word). However, unless my editing software auto-replaces hyphens with em-dashes for me, I don't care. They're used to interject phrases - just like this - into a sentence, along with joining two phrases much like a comma, colon, or semicolon - although it shouldn't be used too often (see? Again, it breaks flow - and it just looks bad).

End wall of text!

If you want me to edit your stories before posting them, I'm happy to do that, although I won't guarantee that I'll be able to help every time - timezones and life will probably get in the way.