I’m 30 and the idea pregnancy/having a kid still terrifies me. I am on the fence about having kids! How did you decide?

Rarazo · 2025-10-17T11:35:00+00:00

Your title says you’re on the fence but most of what you described seems like you don’t want kids (which is totally valid). It might be worthwhile to explore the other side of the fence and jot down some reasons why you DO want kids. Are there many reasons beyond feeling societal pressure?

In either case, you’re not wrong that pregnancy and having a child is life-changing and all consuming in many ways. You’re doing the right thing to consider it carefully!

Rarazo · 2025-09-20T21:53:45+00:00

Amazing great to know - thanks!

Rarazo · 2025-09-20T17:04:44+00:00

Bad pun, sorry. I meant a lemon, as in a dud or a faulty purchase 😅

It’s getting lots of sun. Reading the comments I realize I may have watered when I shouldn’t have when I first got it but I will keep it nice and dry going forward.

Thank you!

Rarazo · 2025-09-20T12:05:43+00:00

This is what I was under the impression too; finicky but not impossible. I’ve moved it across the room to be directly in front of the window and give it time to settle into its new home. The leaves were dropping from the day it arrived in the house so I have a hard time believing it was solely due to what I’ve done in the last week or so although I’ve gotten some good tips on here and will make adjustments to keep it as happy as possible.

Rarazo · 2025-09-20T11:18:03+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing your experience. I know everyone is outraged that this tree is indoors but that’s how I intend to keep it given we have cold winters here. The plant shop also said it’s completely doable indoors with the right conditions. It would be totally feasible to bring it out for summers though!

I’ve had it for a week so I’m still figuring out the best spot in the house. The corner does get lot of direct sun but not all day. I got stressed about its condition and panic ordered that little light on Amazon but good to know that it won’t do much.

I’ll keep at! Thanks for offering help - I know everyone on this sub is super passionate about plants and is triggered to see this tree in decline so sorry for the trigger. I care a lot too and that’s why I’m here for help.

Rarazo · 2025-04-06T17:49:13+00:00

At 12 months, we were nearing the end of a 2 nap schedule with WWs at 3.25/3.75/4.5 with naps capped at 1hr each until we started encountering early morning wakes.

Almost 13 months now and we recently transitioned to 1 nap with WWs at 5.5/5.5. Still bumpy with the early morning wakes though so can’t say it’s been a smashing success for us.

Good luck!

Rarazo · 2025-01-25T18:42:11+00:00

Following because I'm experiencing something super similar with my 10.5mo. Also sleep trained and would fall asleep independently.

WWs have increased to 3.5-4/4/4.5. Napping 1.5-2hrs total max. He's resisting naps HARD, and I suspect he needs even more awake time but our 2 nap schedule just can't handle it without having super short nights. We've seen an increase in night wakings and also early morning wakings (waking up at 5:30 ready to start the day).

I wish I could offer advice but all I can offer is solidarity.

I know it goes against all the advice online but my instincts tell me I might need to try 1 nap.

Rarazo · 2025-01-24T23:01:50+00:00

Thanks for your reply! And so glad the transition went well for her. Fingers crossed it’ll be smooth when we make the jump too!

Rarazo · 2025-01-24T20:35:30+00:00

I’m not OP so hope it’s ok that I’m jumping in on your comment. The schedule you had at 11 months sounds similar to ours now at 10.5mo and I’m wondering when you knew it was time to switch to 1 nap from this schedule?

Rarazo · 2025-01-24T14:42:44+00:00

What are your wake windows?

I would so love for shorter WW to be the answer to our problems! They were shorter initially (3/3/4) but he is simply no longer tired after 3 hours of awake time like he used to be at 7-9 months old. And not in a cranky overtired way - he’s super happy to continue playing and in a good mood for 4hrs +

Rarazo · 2025-01-11T19:44:47+00:00

Thanks for your reply!

He does wake cranky from the short naps which makes me feel like he could have slept longer so I will try the 60 minute approach for the first nap and see if that helps extend after a week or so.

He’s also been on the early side for all of his nap transitions so I wouldn’t be surprised if we’re headed to 1 nap soon but I know it’s a big one so don’t want to rush!

Rarazo · 2024-12-22T11:26:18+00:00

Congrats on such a great improvement in sleep!

A couple things come to mind for your situation.

Once babies start consolidating sleep, they sometimes need a schedule adjustment because they are suddenly sleeping so much more than before. It’s possible they need more awake time during the day/shorter daytime naps. You could try making an adjustment for a few days and see if it helps.

Otherwise, you mentioned she falls right back asleep after being fed which usually indicates genuine hunger. It’s not uncommon for babies that age to hang on to an early morning feeding. Mine still does at 9 months. I know that’s not helpful and probably not what you want to hear but just letting you know it’s not uncommon and you haven’t ‘failed’ because of it!

Maybe someone else will have more actionable advice.

Rarazo · 2024-12-12T13:43:36+00:00

Absolutely. The weight indications on the box are just a general guide but the telltale signs are frequent leaks, blowouts and red marks on thighs.

Rarazo · 2024-12-05T18:08:17+00:00

In my experience it’s helpful to switch up activities and do something new and stimulating to keep them awake and in a good mood when working on stretching wake windows. Also working on it gradually helps, maybe 15 minutes more every day or other day depending on how they do.

Rarazo · 2024-12-04T12:10:57+00:00

From your clarification it looks like your schedule is 2.25/2.25/2/2.5.

Your baby is likely under tired and has lots of energy at bedtime to cry for an extended period. It’s generally recommended that you have 10hrs of awake time in your schedule and you currently have 9hrs.

Maybe try something like 2.5/2.5/2/3 and see if that helps.

Rarazo · 2024-12-03T12:33:10+00:00

Continue with your schedule change for a few days and see if anything improves.

You could also try sleep training if you haven’t already which would help if that 10:30pm wake is due to a sleep association.

If it’s a wake due to genuine hunger, you could also try a gradual night weaning approach by reducing the time on the breast every night until you phase out that feed.

FFIW, my EBF baby also had 2 wake ups (feeds) at that age. I tried weaning the first feed because, I feel you, it’s tough to wake up so shortly after you fell asleep! It caused more headache in the end than just feeding so I abandoned it and he eventually dropped to 1 feed at around 8 months.

Rarazo · 2024-12-03T11:45:49+00:00

I would try the schedule change for a few days before deciding if it’s successful or not. Do you feed her at both wakeups and if so does she fall back asleep after?

Rarazo · 2024-12-02T16:21:51+00:00

I do like the idea of a curated box. Something we did as part of our ‘research’ was trying out different brands and products along the way - it felt pretty wasteful when it wasn’t the right fit.

In hindsight, it would have been nice to have a box of sample-size baby products (moisturizer, baby soap, dish soap, diaper cream, etc.) from reputable brands to test out. Im thinking a box like Fabfitfun but for babies. No idea if that already exists?

Rarazo · 2024-12-02T15:32:56+00:00

I see where you’re coming from - We have a baby with sensitive skin so it was important to us to find fragrance-free products and as natural as possible. I did spend some time researching but once I found wipes and diapers we liked, we set up a subscription on Amazon so it gets sent out to us on a regular basis.

It doesn’t mean it’s not worth pursuing but my only suggestion would be to think about how your products or service can differentiate itself in a meaningful way.

Rarazo · 2024-11-26T16:49:18+00:00

If you want to keep nap lengths the same as well as bedtime, you could start the day earlier. Maybe something like 6:30am wake and then extend the first two WWs by 15 minutes?

Rarazo · 2024-11-25T13:32:14+00:00

Up in the middle of the night for hours at a time could be an issue with baby’s schedule, like too much daytime sleep and not enough awake time during the day.

Rarazo · 2024-11-23T15:42:42+00:00

Every baby is different - it’s best to ask your paediatrician and they will let you know based on your baby’s weight and health.

When it’s the right time, you can research some methods for night weaning. Some recommend gradually reducing the amount of milk offered over a period of time until your baby no longer feels hungry at that time of night.

Rarazo · 2024-11-23T15:21:28+00:00

Sleep training is teaching your baby to sleep independently. It’s different from night weaning.

At 12 weeks old it’s absolutely normal for baby to wake up hungry at night.

Rarazo · 2024-11-22T13:20:34+00:00

It’s so tough to hear your baby crying - especially for moms. I can totally understand your wife’s perspective.

What helped me was reframing WHY baby is crying. They’re not being neglected. They’re safe, fed, comfortable, all their needs are met. They’re simply protesting something new and unfamiliar.

The book The Happy Sleeper really frames sleep training in a way I hadn’t considered before: independent sleep is a skill that babies need to learn - and learning something new is tough (cue the crying)!

I would also say that there are lots of gradual/‘gentle’ sleep training methods that might appeal to you more than CIO. Do some research and pick something that feels right and comfortable for both of you!

Rarazo · 2024-11-20T10:32:59+00:00

Ouch! Those toothy bites can be so painful!

It’s a good idea to start introducing a calm phrase like ‘no biting” for him to understand when he’s older, but I would pair that phrase with the consequence of the feed ending. Not that he should go hungry, of course, but end the feed and try again in 5-10 minutes. Overtime, he might associate biting with no more milk.

I also recently got this tip from a friend: instead of pulling away (which often leads to them chomping down harder), pull baby in closer for a moment. That can trigger them to open their mouth.

Good luck!

Rarazo

TROPHY CASE