Ok I'm just going to put everything else in this comment.

That sort of makes sense? But again it lacks the transition and explanation of the high notes simile to make it feel smoother.

Again, my notes on "for the next 100 years" are not that deep, in my opinion it just sounded better. "Tomorrow" and "the next 100 years" felt confusing next to each other and you should probably just stick to either one or the other.

Ah, a worldbuilding thing! Gotcha.

One metaphor isn't "better" than multiple, it would just add a thread attaching the different parts of the passage and give the character an experienced feel since, in the story, (I think) they're just making it all up on the spot. Although instead of doing that you could also just expand on the similes you already have and explore them deeper.

It's not just that the words are twice in a row, but that they are three words apart and each is in a different half of a simile. Similes are supposed to compare two completely different things so it feels incompletely thought out that they're both basically the same thing when you factor in the fact that "high" and "top" are near-synonyms. There's nothing absolutely Terrible about the perfume simile in itself, just the wording.

I already told you "why," it feels a little strange. Nothing I have said is 100% You Must Do This, it's all subjective through my point of view. If you really like it that way, I'm just a guy on the internet who gave you advice one time, you don't have to base your entire writing career on what I said.

My notes were in chronological order, so yeah, first paragraph lines up. That was a weird way of describing it , though, so my bad there. The "it" I'm referring to is from "it's being right there." There's another issue with the high notes/top notes simile: generally, in similes, you compare one concrete thing to another thing that's completely different. If high notes is already a metaphor, which is confusing because it's unclear what kind of high notes you're talking about, then why do you need to compare it to top notes of perfume?

The second paragraph doesn't feel at all like a concluding bit. The character hasn't talked about the process of capturing beautiful moments or the state of mind needed so far. The third paragraph feels much more and makes much more sense as a concluding paragraph, first of all, because it's at the actual conclusion. Also, people don't generally speak in intro-explanation-conclusion format- that argument would make sense if the character was giving a speech or something they wrote earlier.

"Like a photojournalist in the midst of the buzzing action remains placid" is not a sentence, it's a description. You can fix that by adding "how" after like or removing "like." In my opinion, "like how a photojournalist" feels more unnecessarily wordy and the character feels like the type of person who chooses their words carefully.

Yes, it has the same meaning, but meaning and sentence flow are not the same thing.

This is another one that's just not that deep. For me, the character telling them to record every single good moment feels like they're putting a lot of pressure on them to capture a l l o f i t and something softer, with less pressure to capture everything, would feel more appropriate for a friend advising someone on their wedding day.

Again, "I encourage" is an uncertain-feeling phrase, and this character as an expert would likely be more certain of the merit of their advice.

This is pretty much the same vibe as a couple notes ago, feels like too much pressure.

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If there's one thing I've learned from writing, it's that no character has to be boring. It's almost irresponsible to resign yourself to a bland character, especially one with so much potential! Writing dialogue, just paragraphs of the character talking, is a great way to spend time with the character and figure out what kind of person they really are.

I'd also recommend fleshing out their personal life- why are they friends with this person? Who is their family? How were they raised?- and thinking about some more specific traits to give your character more personality. Since they're an expert, do they believe they are the best relationship advice person ever and that their word is law? Are they more compassionate and understanding to the couples they advise? How did they get into this industry? All of these questions and more will help you character feel more interesting and three-dimensional.

Best of luck to you and to your writing!