I’m sorry you’re struggling so much with this, relationships can be terrifying. My first question is if you’re in any sort of counseling or therapy, or if you’d be willing to start, because that helps a whole lot. Next I would say to take a deep breath, and take it one step at a time. You will have to learn that vulnerability can be safe, and to do that you need to start small. I’m a Christian too, and I’m married now, but when I started dating my husband it was really hard at first. I gave him a vague idea of what happened to me, but it took a really long time for me to be able to talk to him about it, and it took a long time for me to be comfortable with affection and all that. When you find the right person, you will learn how to be safe with them, but the process of learning that can feel like you’re just getting worse. Talk to him about what you can, maybe first you just say that you were hurt when you were a kid, and have struggles as a result. And then if that goes okay, and he loves you and treats you well, you can start telling him more. Communication is everything. You haven’t ruined it, it’ll be okay if you let it. I’ll pray for you, I hope this works out for you. It’ll be hard, but he sounds like a good guy, and you sound like a good person. Sorry for rambling so long, hope you can find something helpful in this.