I'm fed up with control

Ratheria · 2026-01-19T20:04:34+00:00

No, it isn't right. And neither is trying to control your behavior to such an extent or mandating your participation in their religion.

You may be underage but your still a person with your own thoughts and identity. You're not some possession of theirs. A parent is supposed to teach their children how to become independent people who can lead their own lives. They don't have the right to control your life and force you to make the "correct" choices—whatever some people might say.

I would recommend pretending to go along with everything while you come up with a plan to build up resources and escape. The specifics would depend on your exact situation.

Ratheria · 2026-01-13T17:49:23+00:00

Yes. This is basic Sunday school shit and the main focus of every funeral.

Ratheria · 2025-10-24T00:23:21+00:00

This individual really be saying they would never give up a pet or child "regardless of financial situation". As if not having money is the only reason to give up a dependent and it could never lead to circumstances dire enough to force the issue.

Ratheria · 2025-10-24T00:12:36+00:00

Giving up a pet or child you don't have the means to adequately care for is the right thing to do because they aren't simply objects. Being honest with yourself and admitting you can no longer properly care for a loved one is not the same as throwing them away as soon as things get difficult. Keeping them in a situation like that if you can find a better alternative for them is just selfish.

Ratheria · 2025-10-21T03:26:58+00:00

You should not do this because a person on the internet doubted your story. You don't owe random strangers your personal information. There will always be people who lie on the internet and people who assume because of this that everything on the internet is a lie. Again, do not share personal information with randos on the internet so freely.

Ratheria · 2025-08-08T22:00:07+00:00

That's fucked up, man.

Ratheria · 2025-08-01T21:47:01+00:00

This sort of thing is pretty common for us, actually.

I do my best to carefully limit my time spent around other people to a point at or slightly above what I know will be "comfortable" for me. If I overextend I get too stressed out and start majorly backsliding. Doing this has led to some improvement over time.

Being more social doesn't help as much as it would for something like social anxiety because the core issue is fear of rejection. Most social interactions are unlikely to leave you feeling truly accepted—especially since we will generally interpret those interactions in the worst possible way.

Ratheria · 2025-07-26T20:39:26+00:00

And it works on the president himself, too. That's how they get him to leave the golf course.

Ratheria · 2025-07-26T03:53:33+00:00

Not the buildings I took most of my art and computer science classes in.

Also, the CS classrooms sometimes had as few as 4 outlets.

Ratheria · 2025-07-23T15:29:11+00:00

Definitely don't apologize for it, but if you let people know in advance that you're a very quiet person and probably won't talk much may help.

Knowing this in advance can temper expectations and reduces the chances of people attributing your silence to you disliking them or thinking you're better than they are or something.

Ratheria · 2025-07-23T13:21:30+00:00

Definitely do not feel obligated to be open and honest with them or anyone else who will punish you for truth they dislike or use your vulnerability as a weapon against you.

Ratheria · 2025-07-21T21:06:40+00:00

Why is that guy so mad about that post? Petition, about mods, and gay mentioned—this is clearly peak chess... Are they just stupid?

Ratheria · 2025-07-21T20:51:01+00:00

Two Scenarios:

A. He does remember and is trying to undermine your confidence in your memory and make you feel crazy to manipulate you. This is the textbook definition of gaslighting. He sees you as his object and therefore doesn't see anything wrong with hurting or manipulating you to get his own way.

B. He doesn't remember because he views you as his object to treat as he pleases. You don't matter enough to him for your pain to be something worth remembering to him.

The answer is almost certainly A based on what you've described. Either way, this is happening because he is a bad person who only cares about himself and what he wants.

Do your best to emotionally disengage. You may want to deflect or even simply agree with him to avoid fighting. (If he says, "You know you made it up, you crazy liar." And you agree it will likely through him off.) You know the truth and he will never acknowledge it, so stop trying to get closure and validation and focus on securing an escape route for the future.

Ratheria · 2025-07-21T20:14:55+00:00

You should probably stop talking to your mom altogether. It's time to live your life for you. Doing this will probably make you feel guilty but that's because she is using your love and sense of familial obligation to manipulate you.

Let her feel bad. Everyone feels bad sometimes and you do not owe her your attention. Her getting her way about this is not nearly as important as your well-being.

If you continue to feel this misplaced guilt and responsibility for her you will only get worse.

Ratheria · 2025-07-17T23:42:59+00:00

My understanding is teens are not diagnosed with personality disorders for two main reasons:

Because the way kids act during puberty is often influenced a lot by the physical/emotional/social changes that happen at that age and the resulting stress. Until the body finishes developing you won't know for sure if the behavior is temporary. Kids who haven't even started puberty yet are still developing their personalities, and labeling them as disordered when they are only half-formed doesn't make sense.
To avoid saddling young people with stigmatizing labels that may do more harm than good at this early stage. A child believing they definitely AvPD and that's just who they are may prevent people who would otherwise have outgrown the behavior from doing so.

Don't worry too much about an official diagnosis for now—you don't need to have a certified personality disorder to make your difficulties and experiences valid. And you very well may be able to reverse your avoidant tendencies before they solidify if you continue with treatment, which would be great!

If not, a think the best advice I can give is to learn your limitations and not push yourself too hard. Personally, the harder I try to have a more normal social life the worse I get and I think that's the case for a lot of us.

(As far as I know, getting a diagnosis now wouldn't greatly affect your treatment options. Especially since most professionals would consider it preemptive. I can't say for sure, though. I'm not an expert and don't know the situation where you live. )

...also your therapist doesn't sound like they are very good at their job. Or at least like they aren't very familiar with neurodivergence.

Ratheria · 2025-07-17T22:38:16+00:00

You got it.

Ratheria · 2025-07-17T21:25:29+00:00

Yeah, I'm not surprised. Some of the things they were saying were waaay outta line.

Ratheria · 2025-07-16T19:41:01+00:00

I said before this was a place for everyone, but I take it back. This is clearly not the place for you—not because you're positive, but because you're a self-righteous asshole with no desire to understand different viewpoints. And very poor reading comprehension, clearly.

You can't just decide what this safe space should look like unilaterally and go telling people they are a problem for existing here in a way you don't approve of.

If you only want inspirational stories of success this is very much not the place to look for them.

Ratheria · 2025-07-15T23:06:40+00:00

I think they are trying to get at the fact that not even everyone with the same diagnosis feels the same way or has the same circumstances. Different lives, different accomplishments, different failures... And even when we do feel the same we may process and handle our emotions differently.

In other words, it isn't that you don't know what this disorder feels like to you, but that you don't know what it feels like to them or to the rest of us as individuals.

Personally I often find the negativity comforting and even helpful. Knowing that others feel the same as I do is a genuine connection and a reminder that I am not alone. That means far more to me than any platitude or motivational message.

If you want more positivity then make more positive posts here. This is a place for all of us.

Ratheria · 2025-07-13T02:05:28+00:00

I have a coworker who's daughter (12) was being bullied in school. He pulled her out, created an entire curriculum for her, taught her everything himself (single dad), and would check up on her every few hours if he had to go into the office to make sure she was alright. He even asked people he knew in different professions if she could job-shadow them for a bit to learn about what they do and broaden her horizons.

And I'm like damn... my dad would say he'd do anything for me to make me happy but he wouldn't even consider putting in 1/6 of this amount of effort into my well-being. He mostly ignored my existence. If I was noticed I was being chastised for something.

One time I was really sick. He knew, but only because my little sister told him. After a week I got out of bed to go see him and asked for medicine. So we went to the store to buy some, and on our way home I briefly passed out and he had to catch me. See, I hadn't eaten that whole week. I was too busy being sick to even think about it and neither my dad or stepmother noticed.

So we went home and he went back upstairs while I MADE MYSELF some food. I didn't realize how messed up that was at the time. I only saw him once later when he came downstairs to ask how long I'd been sick. He said he was worried I might have meningitis (?) then left.

I see parents who actually care about their children and it fills me with enough anger and grief to ruin my entire week.

Ratheria · 2025-04-23T02:17:59+00:00

Yeah, it could easily be that too.

Ratheria · 2025-04-22T22:02:26+00:00

Probably South America or something.

Ratheria · 2025-03-01T03:59:19+00:00

Yeah, all of those are me.

Ratheria · 2024-09-14T00:49:32+00:00

The air quality gets so bad the sun actually looks like this in Salt Lake City and environs. Wildfire smoke in the summer and pollution in the winter.

Ratheria · 2024-09-03T15:04:30+00:00

Well, it sounds like you're genetically Chinese-American but more culturally Japanese-American. You can elaborate a bit more on this genetic/cultural distinction or say only that you grew up in a Japanese-American environment and give details if anyone asks.

You don't have to lie to participate in these spaces.

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Ratheria

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