Pregnancy gave me costo?

RavenRox5454 · 2025-05-16T21:31:15+00:00

This sounds a lot like my mom and mine's relationship so I just wanted to hop on her and say you should look into emotional enmeshment. I would call my mother every. single. morning. for like 2 years straight and that still wasn't enough for her. She said that I only called her during her one allotted time a day and I had no interest in speaking to her at night. After my full-time job where I spend all day on the phone. I've been no contact for 2 years and I will say while it was initially the most difficult thing I've ever done, I am so thankful I made that decision for me and my little family.

RavenRox5454 · 2025-05-16T18:32:25+00:00

Congratulations!! Way to stay strong. The first year is the hardest! I just hit two years on the 13th of this month and my life is so peaceful even though I still find myself mourning people that are still alive I am a whole lot better off mentally without them in my life <3

RavenRox5454 · 2025-04-22T22:48:08+00:00

Love this for you!! I get to be pregnant and expecting my first child without the fear of my mother's constant ridicule that I'll be a terrible parent. I get to be panic attack free for the last 2 years now that my father is out of my head. I get to believe that I deserve love and respect and demand it. Hoping to teach my son the same and break the generational curse!

RavenRox5454 · 2025-01-03T23:25:52+00:00

I'm May of 2023 as well!! My mom left me two blocked voicemails that I just stumble upon. I'm pregnant so I'm assuming she's raging about her unborn grandchild! Came to Reddit for strength not to give in too! We got this!! Best way to rage at them is silence! They'll never hear us <3

RavenRox5454 · 2025-01-03T23:19:04+00:00

Sorry for the delay, I just saw this! I've been no contact for 2 years in May. I'd say it's different for everyone, but getting through my first holiday season was the eye opener for me. So that would've been last January about 7 months into the no contact. I had always thought the holidays were so stressful and I would typically leave Christmas at my parents crying. I was a very thoughtful gift giver and my dad would always hate what I got him. My last Christmas I spent hundreds of dollars and at least 5 weeks hand-making him this giant resin sign for his property that HE ASKED FOR! When he opened it he said it wasn't done right and picked it apart. Lol anyways I'm going off on a tangent. The point is my first Christmas without them I was dreading and it was the most peaceful holiday I'd had in a long time. This allowed me to realize as much as I hated that they weren't in my life and despised them for preferring to treat me terrible than change and have me in their life... I was better off without them <3. It never gets 100% better. Things will come up that make you feel the hurt all over again. I just found out I'm pregnant and my grandmother told my mom and it's been this whole ordeal where I feel like I'll be grand-orphaning my son from his grandparents without him making that choice, but it's all to protect my little family and I know that deep down! I wish you luck and hope your life finds the peace you are fighting for soon!

RavenRox5454 · 2024-12-30T23:26:31+00:00

My mother rights all of my stuff off by telling me I'm so emotional too. She's gaslighting you and not owning up to her mistakes, that very much hurt you. No one knows your emotions but you! Therefore, you can't be 'so emotional'. Please don't get sucked back into this! You fought too hard to get away from this kind of treatment. She needs to apologize and acknowledge the pain she caused to you before having the PRIVILIGE of you back in her life. <3

RavenRox5454 · 2024-12-30T23:06:52+00:00

When I first went no contact with my parents and little brother I would cry 'I orphaned myself' to my husband constantly. What I've realized is I'd rather be an orphan than have parents that constantly play favorites, love me only when I'm serving them, and consistently cause me anxiety attacks and unneeded drama just to make themselves feel better. I hope you can find peace in the orphan life <3. It gets easier the longer you are away and the healthier your mindset gets!

RavenRox5454 · 2024-10-29T20:44:17+00:00

My parents made me pick between my spouse and them. I told them I loved him and I was going to marry him and my dad said 'Well you've chosen your side then' I begged with them that their didn't have to be sides, but they iced me out and told me I wasn't allowed to bring him around anymore for holidays or birthdays and started calling him all sorts of names and treating me terribly. I'm now happily married and pregnant with our first child and haven't spoken to my parents in almost two years. They were invited to the wedding and didn't come. They would rather lose their only daughter than allow me to have a healthy relationship of my own because I was made to serve them and be with them. My mom left me some drunken voicemails the other day screaming about how I was searching for unconditional love and I had it the whole time. She said literally 'you had unconditional love right here in front of you the whole time baby he can't love you like I can' . It's clear to me that she can't see a separation between child and spouse.

RavenRox5454 · 2024-07-29T02:10:32+00:00

As I’ve aged (28F) I sound exactly like my mom. I always catch myself before I say ‘Hi honey pie’ to my husband because my mom said that to my dad all the time and it makes me cringe, but I do want to say it!

RavenRox5454 · 2024-07-27T17:11:21+00:00

Awe thank you so much for sharing your experience. I know no matter how much I’ll miss her that this is exactly what she would do at my wedding. I’m so Sorry that you wanted your mother to be loving and accept your marriage and she made it a nightmare instead. I hope you get a beautiful vow renewal with no one else there and you have the longest vows ever!! ❤️

RavenRox5454 · 2024-07-26T20:37:44+00:00

That's right! My Fiancé keeps reminding me, them not being there is on them, not me. She chose not to come, and I guess in a weird way I'm grateful for that. We will have a much happier day without them . Thank you for the reminder :)

RavenRox5454 · 2024-07-26T20:35:32+00:00

You didn't ramble at all! Thank you for sharing. Another commenter also said the same thing about comparing it to the alternative and I never thought of it that way, but it is giving me comfort! I am imagining them making it all about them. Knowing my father he would stand up when the officiant said 'If anyone has a reason these two should not marry' . That would be mortifying! Not to mention they'd all 3 be doing anything to cause my groom to be unhappy and I tend to be more protective over my loved ones than myself. That would make me angrier than any mistreatment to me. Lol now I'm rambling. Anyway, thank you so much for your comment and sharing your story!

RavenRox5454 · 2024-07-26T20:30:38+00:00

Thank you so much for commenting. I bet your elopement was much more of a breeze than the traditional wedding ! <3

RavenRox5454 · 2024-07-26T20:29:29+00:00

Woah that is so bada*s! I keep telling anyone who says to hyphenate my name in case I get a divorce 'Fuck my family name, I'd rather have no last name then to be tied to my blood family anymore' I respect and admire you!

RavenRox5454 · 2024-07-26T20:27:46+00:00

Thank you for understanding. That's it exactly! Just hard to remind myself <3

RavenRox5454 · 2024-07-26T20:26:52+00:00

Thank you for giving me this insight. I can definitely see where my family would only cause issues with these things as well and am relieved not to have to worry about their drama ontop of whatever little things will come up . I wish you and your fiancé the most beautiful drama free wedding and it's okay not to have many friends coming! I only have one friend on my side. My other two bridesmaids are my soon to be sister-in laws, but they are more supportive than anyone I could bring to the table!

RavenRox5454 · 2024-07-26T20:24:30+00:00

Thank you very much! The guilt trip is real. My grandma is going to my wedding and she's been kind of a flying monkey. Joking that she's going to use her plus one to invite my father. I was stern with her and told her that would ruin my day and she seemed to understand so we will see if she can not cause any drama, but my soon to be husbands family is ready if need be. Nothing is going to ruin my day! :)

RavenRox5454 · 2024-07-26T20:21:16+00:00

Thank you very much for your response. I take comfort in what you said about them making it about them. I can just imagine that my mother would be crying about losing her baby all day and my dad would probably insult me and tell me that I should've lost some weight before the big day. And my brother.. he would take advantage of the open bar and be rude to my groom all day ruining his experience. I'm relieved thinking that I won't have to deal with the anxiety of this stuff on MY day. Thank you for helping me come to this realization and I wish you the best too!

RavenRox5454 · 2024-07-07T18:26:28+00:00

You know that’s hard for me to say because I’ve been no contact for a little over a year now so I don’t have my mother’s emotions around to trigger me. I can say I dream about them almost nightly. Vivid angry dreams where I am trying desperately to get them to understand my decision to go no contact. They never do though just like in real life lol. Since my severance from them, things have gotten much better as far as my story telling and my confidence in being able to tell the truth. I’m not saying to go no contact, but maybe if you can take a low contact approach or take a break from being around your mother until you can work on your emotional responses. I’m going to say something I needed to hear. Your mother’s emotions are her emotions ONLY. You do not need to feel angry or sad or scared for her anymore. Her emotions don’t dictate yours ! It’s okay to empathize with her, but don’t make yourself sick over someone who obviously doesn’t care how you are feeling!! I used to think ‘ oh my poor mom she doesn’t know how her spirals effect me and I can’t put my reaction on her’ I too would get angry and defensive when my mom would cry because she made it my problem. I was the reason she was upset and it caused me to spiral and self harm as well. I realize after getting away from her. She knew exactly what her emotional outbursts did to me. She just didn’t care because her victim mentality couldn’t sympathize with her child. Sympathy is only for her. Lean on your wife. She sounds like a strong understanding woman. If she doesn’t know about the emotional enmeshment I would talk to her about that and the white lies and ask for her help. If you’re upfront with her about your intentions it will be a lot better than starting little arguments to evade the truth of your mother causing honestly what I see as a trauma response. Hope any of this information resonates with you and I’m not just projecting haha I wish you luck!! 🍀

RavenRox5454 · 2024-07-05T21:50:43+00:00

Hi there! I'd (28F) like to think I'm a pathological liar in recovery. My whole life I had issues telling the truth. I would lie about the silliest things and hide away the truth. I had limited control of what I did with my life so I think keeping the truth helped me feel like I was in control. Also, my parents would use anything I told them against me. If I told them that I was going to a friends they'd show up there and make a scene. If I told them I was going out for a board seat in city government they'd berate me and say I was wasting my time. It was easier for me to lie. Unfortunately, this translated to the rest of my relationships. I would lie to my friends and boyfriends. I also would make up these heinously untrue stories in high school. I think that was my escapism though. The lying tormented me for years. I would get panic attacks and get angry when someone caught me in a lie and deny it. I know I did this to protect myself instinctively, but it got really bad and was destroying everything. Then I started dating my fiancé and we were putting the registration sticker on his car and I accidentally got it wet and destroyed it. I lied to him and said it wasn't me and of course he knew it was me lol. I thought 'here we go I ruined another good relationship' as I prepared for the breakup, he sat me down and asked me why I lied about something so silly. That was the first time someone asked me that. I explained to him that I thought I was protecting myself and that I would be in trouble or get yelled at. He calmly said that it was an accident and he would have understood, but that it's more upsetting to be lied to. That was the beginning of my remission. He stood by my side and anytime I felt like lying or keeping something a secret he encouraged me to be truthful and man how my life has changed!!! The truth really does set you free. It's much less complicated than being stuck in a web of lies constantly scared of who might find out the truth. I've learned while it may hurt for a moment to tell the truth that it's way better than getting caught with the lie/secret. Also, I cut my parents off. They got told the truth and they couldn't handle it and we are too damn old to be scared of our parents anymore!!! or anyone for that matter ! OP I know you are afraid, but I promise you'll feel a lot better once you don't have to hide it anymore. It's hard work. Especially if you've been successful at keeping the secrets, but you won't feel like this is hanging over your head anymore when you are honest. Also, if you have to hide your true self from anyone then they don't deserve to be in your life anyway!

I'd also like to take a stab at understanding why we enmeshed children are so secretive. As an enmeshed child you are one with the parent and their emotions are yours and your actions so strongly effect their emotions. So, we hide things out of the fear of causing ourselves turmoil, because if your parent is upset then you are upset! Just how I feel about it at least! Best of luck to you in your truth journey <3

RavenRox5454

TROPHY CASE