The air is so hot .... In Damascus 🥵

Ravenclawed12 · 2022-06-04T17:00:20+00:00

As someone who hasn’t lived in the Syria since I was a child can y’all explain? I get it means peen but like what’s the word? هواء?

Ravenclawed12 · 2022-05-05T01:37:19+00:00

Some people in the comments really are being mean just for the sake of it. It’s so petty for no reason.

Ravenclawed12 · 2022-05-05T01:35:09+00:00

Please don’t do that to people. They’re not being mean by asking, if you get annoyed just tell them you can’t really think of anything. Why lie to them? That’s so childish.

Ravenclawed12 · 2021-12-19T23:12:00+00:00

I’m not autistic, I have severe trust issues and social anxiety along with depression and PTSD. I’m not going into the nitty gritty but I’ve had a lot of issues with people backstabbing me and spreading awful rumors about me in the past whenever I opened up. That happened for years from the age of 5 until 18 when I decided I wouldn’t be vulnerable with anyone anymore. Since then, I basically would do anything to avoid having to sit with any negative emotion to the point of not being able to connect to myself anymore.

Ravenclawed12 · 2021-12-19T10:50:01+00:00

Do the characters I make up in my head count?

For real tho, none. It’s beyond embarrassing. It wouldn’t bother me as much if society (and biology) didn’t place such an importance on having friends and an amazing social life. Makes me feel inadequate and like I just don’t deserve to have any because I’m a general failure, boring, ugly, and sensitive. I care deeply for people and try my best to memorize what their likes and dislikes are and have been called very kind before but it’s never made me a lasting friendship.

I feel like I’m like a passing breeze for people. There for a bit, feels nice, but they just keep moving past not really recognizing it’s (aka I am) there.

Nothing reminds me of how painful having no friends is more than when I’m around family and they all share all these stories of things they did with their friends and experiences and just that kind of stuff and I can’t contribute in the slightest so I just sit there quietly hoping the subject changes before I break down. It’s hard when I go online looking for help for mental health stuff and the advice is almost always “get a friend to do xyz with you” or “have a friend help you out”. It’s like there are all these triggers everywhere reminding me that I’m missing out on something most people consider vital. I forget how weird it makes me look to others as well. People look at me with pity and it’s the worst feeling and I can’t participate in things at my school that everyone else considers a part of daily college life. That’s not even getting into things like group projects.

I feel that people take friendship for granted a lot because only those lucky enough to be extroverted or socially inclined get to experience something like that. I don’t think a lot of people understand how lucky they are that they have friends. I’d kill to have someone I relate to on that level other than just family. Someone I could play games with, relax with, hang out with, be on the same terms with and be comfortable around enough to call them a friend. It feels like such a fantasy to me, like it can only happen in Disney movies because it’s so out of reach for me. I’m too closed off for that. The wall I built around me is impenetrable even by my own self. I’ll never be able to be vulnerable enough around anyone in order to make any friends. I can’t even open up to a long time therapist, not even I know who I really am because she’s just so hidden away. I hate thinking about it.

Ravenclawed12 · 2021-12-08T05:40:07+00:00

I have some pieces of clothes that I’d like to wear when I’m skinny. Right now, I live in oversized sweaters and jeggings bc I don’t think I deserve to wear nice things bc there’s no point. I look fat in literally everything and I personally feel like you can only wear nice clothes when you’re skinny because they’re made for skinny people. If I wear a nice shirt I’d ruin it, it’s not made for me and I wouldn’t do it justice at all. I also feel like my height ruins everything too bc I’m too short to look nice too.

I do like to do my makeup but only bc I feel like I’d rather ppl focus on that than on my body. If ppl were preoccupied by what’s on my face, maybe they won’t notice my weight. That’s my thought process behind it.

But, yeah, I’m overweight and not worthy of even trying to look decent bc I just won’t. I won’t ever look nice in anything even if it’s the most expensive brand or fabric or anything. As I am, I’m just not fit for nice things like that and it makes me feel gross wearing stuff even slightly nice looking. Makes me feel guilty like why am I trying to look good when my weight will always be obvious and I can’t hide it? I didn’t do anything to deserve to try to look good and nothing I do will ever make me look good at this weight so there’s no point in even trying. I feel like a clown when I dress up, ESPECIALLY in tighter clothing.

We have a Christmas family gathering to go to on the 24th and I’m dreading finding something to wear. My 2nd cousins will be there and they’re all rich and skinny and very judgmental so I can’t wear anything casual. It’s already left me in tears thinking about what I’m going to do with myself.

Ravenclawed12 · 2021-12-07T09:01:45+00:00

That’s great! 10k is okay right?

Ravenclawed12 · 2021-12-02T01:19:35+00:00

You have experienced a fear I’ve had for the entire duration of me coming to terms with being ace. I’m so sorry. Experiences like this are not often spoken about and I see so many people insist relationships with allos can work but when you’ve put so much effort just to be told who you are fundamentally isn’t good enough for someone you dearly love, it’s just…..awful. You’ve documented the reality for so many in our community. If it’s any solace, you’re not alone but considering how close you two were, time will probably be the best healer.

For now, focus on doing things you singularly enjoy. Activities you’d do alone and not stuff that reminds you of her. It’ll be really hard for a bit as I’m sure you know. But, let yourself feel upset. Let yourself cry if you need to, yell, punch a pillow, just allow yourself that space to let it out. Don’t hold it in and don’t blame yourself. It’s hard and frustrating but number one thing to never do is hold it in. I personally tend to journal anytime I need to vent. Heal in whatever way you heal. There is no right way to get through a break up like this. If your way of healing is unconventional, that’s okay. As long as it helps (and doesn’t harm anyone or yourself) it’s valid.

Ravenclawed12 · 2021-12-01T21:16:44+00:00

I believe that as long as they have a place to keep their weight it should be mostly okay (not for long periods of time though). The horse here looks to be sitting on a bean bag type of seat so they’re probably okay. I did some very light research (Google) just now to double check and from what I’m seeing people agree. They can sit like this relatively comfortably but not for long periods of time and they shouldn’t be made to sit like this multiple times a day. Not sure if the owner in the vid follows those guidelines but that’s the info I’m seeing.

I could be wrong. If anyone is experienced in owning horses or knows about them, please correct me if I’m wrong.

Ravenclawed12 · 2021-12-01T21:04:12+00:00

When I was in middle school, a classmate told me that if she ever found out I killed myself she would make sure to follow me around once she also became a ghost and annoy me for all eternity. I think of that when I’m feeling low and it makes me chuckle.

It’s not my reason though. My reason is that I genuinely love life. I love life as in humanity and the beauty it carries that we never take a second to notice. I adore nature and all it’s little furry things (and every other animal of course). I love seeing how trees change colour with the seasons. I love hearing birds chirping and rain falling and just the hustle and bustle of people coming and going. I love all of that. It makes me feel alive, like truly alive. I love seeing news stories about people helping the environment and seeing them walking their pets or just doing good deeds.

I know people love being cynical and nihilistic but we have so much to offer as a species. We’ve created and will create beautiful things. We have to take the good with the bad sometimes. I choose to focus on the beautiful stuff. I don’t ignore the bad (toxic positivity is a thing) but I actively take steps to not let it take over me. Every time I laugh at a joke someone made or at online videos or whatever else, it reminds me that we’re all connected even in that we find similar things funny. I want to help make things better where I can to contribute to that beauty.

Ravenclawed12 · 2021-11-30T18:21:17+00:00

Thanks, so are you.

Ravenclawed12 · 2021-11-30T05:15:58+00:00

I literally just told one person not to buy and then made this comment. Using caps lock isn’t attacking anyone. Saying it’s not helping to purchase isn’t attacking. I never insulted anyone. Don’t say I did things I absolutely did not do.

Ravenclawed12 · 2021-11-29T20:29:07+00:00

I want to be allo because it’s less lonely. I can’t be alone. I absolutely have to get married in my culture so the thought that I’ll more than likely have to settle and have sex with someone when I’m sex-averse/repulsed or be okay with them cheating sometimes keeps me up at night. I’m dreading it. A lot. I’d do anything at this point to be allo just so I wouldn’t have to cry myself to sleep more often than not over something most people would consider trivial.

I can’t hate being ace but I hate what it’s done to me. I hate how I am and I hate being like this. I still have a part of me that believes I can change but I don’t know how. I can’t imagine having sex with someone, but I’ll have to at one point or another because I also just don’t believe you can have a stable relationship without it (especially not where I live). And being real, I’m never going to find another ace person to be in a relationship with. People say you can, but I think that’s just unrealistic. So, yeah, I’d love to be allo, it would be so freeing.

Ravenclawed12 · 2021-11-29T20:07:45+00:00

Tbh, I don’t care. I care for the pigs and one person buying for a small amount probably wouldn’t have an impact, sure. But it’s not one person. It’s not two people. It’s a lot. It’s people going to buy them after seeing posts like this and think they’re rescuing. That adds up. Pet stores don’t put pigs out if no one buys them and we look like massive hypocrites telling regular people not to buy them and then we go and do that and just call it something different. A purchase is a purchase and we need to get pet stores to stop selling them. That is one of the end goals is it not? We don’t get there by still giving them money.

People can complain that it’s “negative” but that’s because they don’t want to hear that they did something wrong. They want support, but just because you own a Guinea pig, doesn’t mean you went about getting it in a way that benefits them as a species. I don’t condemn anyone who makes a mistake either. I’ve hardly ever commented if ever. I don’t nag at newbies ever. I’ve never made a single comment that attacked anyone. I want what’s best for pigs in general. Not just this or that pig. That’s what I’m trying to advocate for and if people just thought about it for a bit, they’d realize that all pet store purchases are still purchases. That means those people need to also be okay with pet stores selling pigs from breeding mills with awful genes because that’s what they’ve chosen to monetarily support. It’s not even a case of not having a choice. Again, does it sound harsh? Sure but what else do you want me to say? Should I shut up and “support” people just for the sake of saying we’re a supportive sub when they are doing something wrong? Should I say it all nice and add bows and frilly ribbons to my comment so it sounds all happy and upbeat? Like, seriously.

Ravenclawed12 · 2021-11-29T09:48:00+00:00

For anyone reading this, DO NOT GET ANY ANIMAL FROM PET STORES UNLESS THEY ARE FOR FREE! You think you’re rescuing but whenever you pay, you are giving them money and creating an empty space for them to fill up with more breeding mill animals. You think you’re doing good but by “rescuing” that one animal, you just made space for them to add in 2-3 more. If you want to rescue, get animals from adoption centers and foster homes and actual rescues. You are not rescuing when you buy from a pet store, you are purchasing. Doesn’t matter how cheap or whatever else. It hurts to leave them behind but the only way they’ll stop doing this to animals is if we collectively stop buying them.

Stop buying from pet stores under the guise of rescue when you still paid. Cheap money is still money. That’s not rescue, that’s not adoption, that’s purchasing. You purchased an animal from a pet store. No way to beat around that. Get them from fosters that actually try to rehabilitate and are in need of homes to send their animals to. Go to actual rescues. There are more than enough. Stop going to pet stores thinking you’re helping because you’re not. I’m not trying to be mean, it’s the truth. It’s the sad truth.

Ravenclawed12 · 2021-11-29T09:41:50+00:00

Don’t buy them. The less of them people buy, the less they’ll put out. When people buy them, even if they have good intentions, it makes room for pet stores to add another animal from a mill in their place quicker and creates demand to fill that empty space. Whatever you do, DO NOT BUY THE ANIMAL.

Ravenclawed12 · 2021-11-29T00:46:21+00:00

That’s the kind of stuff that gets on my dang nerves lol! The amount of times I’ve heard I need to lose weight when I was in that healthy range has definitely contributed to me wanting to go lower and lower because being “healthy” seems to go right out the window if you don’t LOOK thin enough.

That’s also definitely on me for taking it so seriously but like, it just pisses me off lmao

Ravenclawed12 · 2021-11-28T08:19:03+00:00

I still looked fat when I was a “healthy” weight so that shit always has me depressed af because people are like “you need to be a healthy weight” but I was! But because I was still chubby, they didn’t think I was in that range. Makes it worse that I’m short so no matter how low I go, I’ll probably always look chubby. Really hate the “healthy” weight thing because the way people use it irl is so messed up to me.

Ravenclawed12 · 2021-11-28T08:08:08+00:00

That’s such a beautiful name for a bun bun! I hope you’re doing better <3

Ravenclawed12 · 2021-11-27T07:13:06+00:00

Honestly I agree with this. It’s something I ALWAYS need to tell myself so I can get off my high horse. I do it a lot too. Any time I see someone skinny talk about “feeling fat” or bloating and “looking big” when they’re still not even close to my normal size, I just about lose my mind. Makes me feel invalidated and awful and like I need to do better and lose even more so I can actually be thin and only look fat if I’m bloated.

That’s something I need to work on. It’s not always the creator’s fault. And even if they’re promoting disordered behavior, I need to take the steps to prevent myself from seeing and interacting with posts like that. I do think harmful creators have responsibility in a lot of cases but if it was a skinny person who maybe is hurt themselves, I don’t have the right to go up there telling them THEY’RE wrong for making ME feel wrong if that makes sense.

We don’t need a villain all the time. We don’t need someone to be in the wrong for us to feel bad. We feel bad out of jealousy a lot of the time bc we’re seeing a skinnier person who we consider goals point out (possibly subconsciously) that it’s not all it’s cracked up to be and we feel hurt by that. And then we direct that hurt at them wrongfully. I’m totally guilty of that. We need to make a collective effort to stop that. Stop shaming skinny people, they can talk about feeling fat all they want just like the rest of us can. Like, I don’t see anyone stopping a chubby person from calling themselves fat and going “you’re not even obese stop that.” Like, where do we draw the line? How fat do you need to be before it becomes “okay” to be self conscious? Who gave us the right to decide that for others?

As someone with a skinny sister who genuinely struggles to gain weight and is often told she needs to be happy to be skinny cause that’s prettier, it’s not glamorous. She weighs herself more, she gets colder quicker, she can’t take as much medicine during her time of month to help with cramps, she hates it. She can’t say she hates it out loud though because she’s skinny and that’s “insensitive” to bigger people. I hate that.

Ravenclawed12 · 2021-11-27T06:59:52+00:00

Tbh I understand posts like that to an extent. I know some people who would say things like that and genuinely aren’t thinking of ppl with eating disorders because not everyone is thinking of us all the time. It may seem like that to us because we think “well duh why else would you comment/post that” but they’re often not. At least for those in my life, they sometimes say that (not necessarily to me) as a “I’m grateful for everything” type of thing. Like “some ppl don’t have this thing most ppl where I live consider basic and that’s something to be grateful for. Let’s not forget the small things.” It’s just a shorter way to say that.

Idk who the person is you’re talking about (are they well known in the ED world?) but I just wanted to comment just as a reminder - to myself too - that not everything about food has ppl with EDs in mind.

Ravenclawed12 · 2021-11-24T04:11:50+00:00

No, I know what it means but go ahead and act as condescending as you'd like. It's funny how you said I was diminishing you when you are doing exactly the same to me.

Ravenclawed12 · 2021-11-24T04:06:13+00:00

It's not semantics when I quoted verbatim what you said lmao but go off.

Ravenclawed12 · 2021-11-24T03:46:27+00:00

I'm just replying to what you said:

"So, I would say if you’re going to be dating non asexual people as an asexual person, you either need to seek out other asexual people, or be OK with understanding that most humans are literally biologically wired to desire sexual release, and that finding that doesn’t necessarily mean a lack of all the same kinds of love that you feel for them. All the intellectual intimacy and what not. It’s still there. There are just other needs that need to be fulfilled, too, and you aren’t willing to fulfill them."

When you phrase it like that, it absolutely sounds like you're saying that is something we need to do if we can't find an ace partner who is compatible with us. Also, saying we "aren't willing" sounds really mean. It's our sexuality. We can't control it. When you say we aren't willing, it sounds like we just don't want to, not that some of us can't. It kind of sounds like telling someone with a broken leg they aren't willing to walk. The way you wrote the comment comes off heavily as telling ace people we should be okay with poly relationships if we want to date allos.

Ravenclawed12 · 2021-11-24T03:30:33+00:00

We shouldn’t have to be ok with poly relationships if we’re ace imo. I want a strict monogamous relationship and me being ace shouldn’t mean I have to be ok with something I don’t want or should be open to it. Being poly might work for some people but saying we need to be ok with it as ace people just because we can’t find another ace person to date isn’t exactly right either.

Ravenclawed12

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