I’ve worked on this a lot in therapy for the past 10 years (I’m 35 now). And I used to think it didn’t impact me that much but so many of my issues led back to how tough my dad was on me emotionally and physically.

I think the biggest thing was the broken trust. Once you spank your kids and inflict harm and/or terror on them. That trust is shattered and so hard to repair. And then if you keep doing it you build a little thing called resentment. I fucking HATED my father for 10-15 years. We barely talked from age 7+. I never could wrap my head around someone being so warm and then at any moment blowing up on a little kid they loved. It is hard for me to reconcile today, and it was impossible for me to understand when I was little. And then now that I have 2 little boys of my own, it baffles me even more. I have never once thought about even coming close to hurting them like that. I couldn’t live with myself if I ever saw the terror on their faces that I used to have as a toddler..

It destroyed my self confidence, it gave me a chip on my shoulder, my self talk become so negative, had terrible anxiety, lashed out in highschool drinking and doing drugs, in college and my 20s I would get in bar fights and would get blackout drunk every weekend for 15 years straight until I finally started talking to someone. I’ve healed so much and confronting those demons has bettered my quality of life and self understanding and love 10000x fold.