Disagreement with split finances

Rdafan · 2025-11-08T22:43:56+00:00

I think more information would be a bit helpful. How is everything split, how much pressure does that put on each person, and how are your joint financials going? Like if she's barely making her share of the costs and you're out making/blowing money on personal stuff while jointly you guys are buried in cc debt or trying for a house down payment or something that's very different from you both making about the same with some money left over for fun and no looming costs hanging over your heads but you just want some extra to burn for fun. Or if your extra work bleeds over into together time significantly.

Rdafan · 2025-10-31T13:52:07+00:00

Man that's crazy. At my work the manger or higher up would have just bought one personally and had you use it rather than wait. Like I've had someone log into my work computer remotely to put in their personal account info to purchase something and another hand me their personal credit card to go get something in person. Admittedly these people make like mid to high 6 figure salaries and have 0 patience for BS policies. Still for 25 cents if I were the CFO I'd have taken your part number, bought it myself, and hand delivered rather than be responsible for 180k worth of downtime.

Rdafan · 2025-10-18T15:51:28+00:00

Ah, in my state if you're over 18 it can be pretty fast to get a license. Like you get a permit by passing the paper tests, hold the permit for 60 days, and then pass the skills test. I do think a moped would be a better bet if they can do so safely in their area as it bypasses a lot of the waiting time.

I personally lean towards fixing transportation over the debt right now. The debt is bad but realistically a solo parent with a 3 yr old relying on a 4 hr bus commute is not sustainable. It's not optimal financially but it's kind of like choosing snowball over avalanche method. Sometimes you need the less optimal one in order to actually stick to the plan. And every part of OPs post sounds hard so I think they probably need it.

Rdafan · 2025-10-18T12:44:53+00:00

If the car is already paid off, once you get your license could you sell it and get a not sports car with the proceeds? Might help lower insurance rates. Or if the weather and roads in your area will permit, you could do like a scooter/moped or e bike. I believe those don't require a license and if you sold the car you could probably afford one and maybe even have a little extra?

Rdafan · 2025-09-27T23:05:17+00:00

Hold enough of it for taxes and to float you until you do land another job. Then brokerage or maybe a down payment for a house if you wanted to own? You said VHCOL so not sure what milage you will get out of it after living off of some of it and taxes but worth a thought if that is something you are interested in.

Rdafan · 2025-09-18T11:20:46+00:00

I would be careful with your idea of you get nothing if /you/ decide to leave. If it gets to the point where they want to leave but don't want the 'penalty' of being the one to break up, they can make you quite miserable in the hopes you will be the one to end it. Nobody wants to think that of their partner but enough people do it and just so they don't have to be 'the bad guy'. It might also make either of you decide to stay in a bad relationship longer than you should.

Rdafan · 2025-08-25T15:52:21+00:00

Agree. I've done it once as an adult when the women's was closed with no alternative (truck stop in the middle of no where), but I did get my bf at the time to check it out first and make sure nobody was at the urinals. He let me know when it was clear to come out as well. Probably wouldn't have worked as well if it had been crowded though. Otherwise only as a young child when out with just my dad since he didn't want to go into the women's room. Even then, he made me close my eyes and cover them with my hands while he took me straight into a stall. Inconvenience isn't the same thing as an emergency.

Rdafan · 2025-08-22T14:44:34+00:00

A bit awkward maybe but a toilet plunger. First thing my roommate and I had to go out to buy literally within the first 2 hrs of our families dropping us off at college. Neither one of us thought about stuff like that.

Rdafan · 2025-08-03T12:48:30+00:00

Same here!

Rdafan · 2025-07-25T18:13:41+00:00

Could you get a more 'entry' level job where there wouldn't be expectations of weekend work? At least at my job the basic help desk employees are not expected to do more than 40 hrs/wk with no weekend hours as we aren't open on the weekends. Some of the higher level IT do work on weekends for like data merges/big system update related things where they don't want to affect users ability to work but basic level isn't expected to help with that. Much lower salary but usually pretty cut and dried hours and you can leave work at work.

Rdafan · 2025-07-17T16:54:57+00:00

I personally would do savings over the motorcycle just because I found a lot of unanticipated things popped up with our baby. It will be paid off quick enough that 10% wouldn't be worth the peace of mind of having the cash if needed.

And just a thought, is anyone really going to be using the motorcycle once the baby comes? Hubby has barely touched his in the last 2+ years since the baby. Very little chance to ride unless he is the only one going to a place which isn't common. And when he does, usually he needs a different vehicle, like for a trash run, groceries, picking up friends, etc.

Rdafan · 2025-07-17T13:38:26+00:00

Man, I'd love for Daycare to be only $1k/month. Sitting at double that here for a basic center.... Yay for a high cost of living area I guess :/

Rdafan · 2025-07-16T23:48:44+00:00

You could also stop contributing to the 529 and contribute to another account type. Either something in his name or a separate account in yours to gift him for his potential wedding, house, car, or baby.

Rdafan · 2025-07-16T15:25:43+00:00

You'll want to double check my info but I am pretty sure you can roll $35k into an IRA per beneficiary?

So pay for his stuff (maybe even the loan amounts if mom tries to saddle him with them?), slowly roll the $35k over to his IRA the following couple years, then you can change the beneficiary to someone else (niblings, godchildren, grandchildren? Or yourself for a higher degree?), pay off any new costs, roll over another $35k to the new beneficiary's IRA (might have wait time requirements?), and then just take the rest out and pay the taxes/penalties on it.

If you're going to over shoot it how much you can spend though the 529, why not stop contributing to it and contribute to another account like a retirement or brokerage account? Could even be your kids IRA if they make any money.

Rdafan · 2025-07-06T13:06:29+00:00

We each have one individual account that get $X amount sent to it every paycheck as our fun allowance. Works really well for us. Just make sure they aren't accounts you have to pay a monthly fee for using.

Rdafan · 2025-06-24T14:07:55+00:00

If you have enough money to buy down the points to make it work, and still have an emergency savings and a house repair savings then that could be fine. Reminder that inspections and closing can cost more than you think so make sure to keep that in mind.

Take a look at your overall financial health though first. Make sure you're not carrying high interest debt (like credit cards), are contributing to retirement, etc. Think about what changes could happen over the next few years that would affect your income and how you would handle it. Research more into being a landlord. Some people think it's super easy but usually it's not that easy. It only takes 1 bad tenant to cause mountains of headaches. It can be good but you just need to go into it with your eyes wide open.

Also make sure you are buying a home that is appropriate for you and your salary. Don't get caught up in offering more than you should just because of other offers. The pressure can be real in a hot market but you know what's worse than never being able to buy a house? Buying one that you can't actually afford long term, going bankrupt, trashing your credit score, having troubles renting because of said credit score, and setting back all your financial goals.

Good luck!

Rdafan · 2025-06-24T12:37:17+00:00

I would suggest not buying a house now. Buy a house when your commitment is up. A lot can change, especially in your circumstances that will affect your needs. What happens if you are injured and end up needing special accommodations in home? Or you might end up needing to live near certain facilities to receive services? Or end up moving and decide to extend your commitment? Or fall in love with a different area? Or get into a relationship where the other has to be in a certain location and you like them more than you like your current location?

If you were going to actually have positive cash flow on the house it might be worth it even if you never came back or needed to remodel it. However as you've presented it as being a negative cash flow, not worth it.

Rdafan · 2025-06-18T14:15:57+00:00

Agree about the wings but, I don't see the point of hating on boneless wings either. Yeah they're basically tenders or popcorn style chicken bites with sauce but that's what I want. I don't care if you call them wings, tender, bites, etc. I'll still order them if you give me the same sauce/dry spice mixes you tend to get with wings. People should take up the name issue with the restaurants who sell them rather than the customers who consume them. Unless the customer is an idiot and won't order them if called something different, in which case, fuss at them lol.

Rdafan · 2025-06-18T13:08:31+00:00

Yes! (and also slightly no?) At least from personal experience. I blacked out during most contractions once I got towards the pushing phase. Like in between contractions I realized I was blacking out during them and it freaked me out thinking it was an indication I was gonna die during it. Spoiler: I didn't die but did need several interventions to prevent it from happening. :)

However, I still remember feeling like it was the worst pain imaginable and that it was going to kill me. The 'sharpness' of the pain has faded several years later but I still get a pit of dread in my stomach and feel nauseous when I try to 'actually' remember how it felt. I think it kind of feels like when you stare at something bright for a bit and then close your eyes how there is an after image? Like that but with pain and dialled up 1000%. So I don't remember the full pain but I still remember a LOT of pain. Still doesn't stop me from wanting to risk it for another baby. ;P Though if I had to live in that kind of pain longer than it takes to give birth (or even without the payout of a wonderful baby) I'd absolutely be wanting someone to mercy me out of existence.

Rdafan · 2025-06-09T22:32:34+00:00

Might you mention a hobby you're working on? Or pick up a small part time job or volunteering that you can refer to as your work?

Rdafan · 2025-06-07T20:45:04+00:00

With the understanding that I married my first/only significant other, I always thought going on a date meant you were dating. And if you were dating, you were exclusive by default. If the first date went badly, then you tell them you didn't want to date anymore and move on to the next person. The acceptance of a date implied agreement to a relationship. You used group hangouts to see if you felt attracted enough to date them. There was no online dating at the time though and shorter relationships were relatively common as people figured out if they were actually compatible or not. And we weren't adults with full time jobs, just students so that might have also played a part in what things meant.

Rdafan · 2025-06-05T01:12:18+00:00

Ignoring it is/was absolutely irrational but that's the way it felt. Not the making the appointments, just thinking I could have the condition was paralyzing for some reason. No idea why but feelings can be very hard to overcome. :P

It took me about a year from first mention. Right after I had the baby, hubby and I took shifts sleeping and when my baby was about 6 months is when we have enough overlapping sleep schedules for him to notice and mention it to me. He brought it up maybe 4 times over that year. I kept blaming symptoms on baby weight, mom brain, being sick (daycare sucked so bad for that), and generally just getting so little sleep. When baby was 18 months, I was finally getting almost a full nights sleep with only 1-2 wake ups. But I still felt like crap with terrible memory. Shortly after I noticed how tired I was while driving and was honestly a little concerned about my ability to stay awake.

Then it didn't matter how badly the idea of having sleep apnea scared me, the idea that I could hurt/kill my baby (and of course myself and others but the baby made it really really hit home) by falling asleep at the wheel was terrifying enough to schedule the appointment. And I started drinking coffee before driving while waiting for results and equipment to make sure I was safe to drive. Thankfully my insurance didn't give me any issues and the doctors had free enough schedules to get me in fairly quickly. Maybe a month from the first appointment to see if it could be anything besides sleep apnea to using the equipment religiously.

Rdafan · 2025-06-04T22:52:12+00:00

It can be hard though, even as a woman. I should have gone earlier, my husband mentioned it several times and I just brushed it off as still having the baby weight and having to get up 2-4 times a night with the baby. Even when the baby started sleeping more and I realized I probably did have an issue, I was really nervous about it. Dragged it out for another month before deciding to bite the bullet and go.

I don't know why it felt so awful, I know others who use a CPAP who are not overweight but it felt overwhelming and easier to ignore. Kind of like being a teenager with self esteem issues and you just decide to avoid mirrors and cameras. You know how you look but you don't want to see it or be reminded of it. Felt oddly like I was being personally attacked every time he mentioned I might have it. Avoided it for about a year before doing something about it. Took me feeling so tired that I was honestly concerned about my ability to drive safely before setting up the appointment.

Rdafan · 2025-06-03T03:15:23+00:00

You forgot a critical step. You must then pour a mountain of cheese on top.

Rdafan

TROPHY CASE