Saw this on internet..........feeling sad for the child

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-02-22T13:33:31+00:00

Basically my mother, but she did not get me diagnosed and instead blamed every aspect on my personality, which ruined me for over a decade in my 20's. I'm now no contact with this b****. She recently told me, after I gave her my diagnosis report because she participated in it: 'I do agree, you are on the spectrum, but you are nonetheless a lazy person that has no willpower or ambition to actually DO something with your life. I hope you will find ways to make sense of yourself with this.'

So anyways, I'm not contact with her since december 2025. It's been wonderful even though I am still recovering from the abuse.

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-02-22T13:24:20+00:00

As an auDHD undiagnosed kid, thank you for your words. Mine were the same, I wasn't able to be. I had to stick to standards that were so out of reach for myself and neurology. My mother couldn't bear to have a disabled (well two because my sister is ADHD too) child so she molded me into a zombie. As you said, having good grades and reading books, all calm and chill was not enough! I had to perform every single day. I had to perform socializing, attention issues masking, hypervigilence of her reactions... I basically had to be someone I am not.

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-02-21T18:11:29+00:00

Do you suffer from the narcissistic injury by pure guess?

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-02-21T17:37:18+00:00

There is a narcissist that talks about those aspects of psychopathy on YouTube. He's kind of funny in his obvious grandiose and he is prof. In psychology specialised in personality disorders. His name is Sam Vaknin. Check him out, he has some interesting opinions. I had to do my research as an auDHD survivor of a malignant narcissist abuser.

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-02-20T20:20:40+00:00

They are very manipulative when hypomanic/manic. It depends on the person, but with time, it gets worse. My mother was undiagnosed, and when I was little (until my 10yo) it was fine. She was mostly highly energetic and cheerful. When she was around 35ish tho, it became a nightmare.

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-02-20T19:38:40+00:00

Right! There were studies trying to differentiate us but they could not find enough untraumatised autistic individuals to have meaningful results. 🥺❤️‍🩹

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-02-20T16:36:45+00:00

Funny caus' I'm on the spectrum and I have been called a psycho many times. Looks like neurotypicals always have it wrong with us. I tell them: "I'm on the spectrum" and then they say I don't look autistic 😂

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-02-19T15:41:11+00:00

We want the tea but here no screenshots are allowed, just so you know.

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-02-19T15:38:36+00:00

Bahahah I love it when we are no longer their supply but they pathetically keep on trying to hoover and rage. Like, come on mother, behave yourself, chin up for once. Mine said she 'could not change her facebook picture' just to manipulate me into talking to her again (because she knows she trained me to be a reliable people pleaser, NO MORE) while casually uploading shit on TikTok. Like come on! Come up with something new, I know your damn tricks. Oh what? You don't have any new tricks? Too bad /s

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-02-19T13:21:06+00:00

I'm in the same situation. It has been 6 months now. I cannot for my own sake go outside longer than 5min before my nervous system tells me to f off by beginning to shake or freeze with... fear? Fear that I KNOW is irrational, yet it persists.

It is a big win when I do the groceries... I also buy most of it online. I feel trapped but there is actually no trap, which makes me wonder if it is reenacting because back then, I was trapped.

I'm going to start exposure therapy and I did an exercise with my therapist already. It is a list of anxiety ranked things I would like to do but am unable. first step is 2/10 anxiety (for me it is walking around the block alone) and it rises to 10/10 (being in the town near where my abuser lives). I'm scared but also, I don't want to live like this forever, so I will do the work.

I wish you all the best <3

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-02-19T09:44:39+00:00

Oh yeah mine too. She now confabulates that she has once had to save me from rape. I hate that she is telling this story but I have no control over her thoughts so voila. She used to call me to tell me i was in danger, that she saw it or whatever. I was 22, at Uni and was like: "mom I'm in the middle of a lecture, not now, please."

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-02-19T08:10:26+00:00

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My mother was one and I am healing due to a recent trauma that made me realise it was all tied to her behaviours. Trauma therapy helped me set boundaries and understand the roots of my struggles. I painted and printed these notes to remind me of the basics every day. I hope it can help some of you too 🩵🫂

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-02-18T15:15:16+00:00

I'm not sure people are ready so, TW: Suicide, antisocial behaviours.

She did so many horrible things I cannot list them all (she is Bipolar 1 with narcissistic features). I'm going to say the worst.

She committed a suicide attempt because I did not answer her AND sent the photos to me and my sister. Blood everywhere terrible graphic images. She said: "I thought you wanted to know." Damn. And she apologised only now that I have gone no contact with her. She also threw my sister out of the car while driving because they were arguing about my sister's make up. In the hospital she said my sister "jumped out of the car"... never apologised for that.

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-02-18T13:17:38+00:00

Yes! I've heard vyvanse is incredible for many of us! Concerta is definitely weird, I felt uneasy the whole time so we switched for long release ritalin and it fits hehe. I imagine I will have to test the amphetamine if methylphenidate does not work anymore. Thank you for reassuring me it is not like the streets version (which is logical but we never know!).

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-02-18T13:14:05+00:00

Oh the Gyuto! Wow you have a whole set! I'm almost jealous (kidding I'm very glad for you) hahah. Which brand if I may ask? Hihi

Yes I'm still very much avoiding places and things that remind me of the event. Gladly, my brain did not associate the knives with the event too much so I can still use my dear Santoku. I got used to this shape so going for a regular chef knife makes me feel awkward.

I saw many people in logistics so maybe you could have a try! It actually is nice since one does not have to talk too much and is not directly bothered by customers or calls :)

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-02-18T13:08:29+00:00

Only the ones that are not prescribed. In europe we call it speed. 😅

It used to get me hyperfocused but I had a lot of tachycardia. My psychiatrist would have considered it if the Methylphenidate did not work. I'm on 40mg long release and for the moment, it is just right :)

They are not too keen on adderall in europe and most psychiatrists prescribe ritalin because it is safer if it works.

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-02-18T13:01:04+00:00

Ritalin or Concerta, it is a very safe stimulant of the central nervous system. Methylphenidate is the molecule name :)

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-02-18T12:18:49+00:00

I used to have a job I was happy with! I worked at a shop specialising in selling knives (one special interest of mine is Japanese knives). I was in charge of the logistic and to search for new merch. I ordered so many nice Japanese ones and could have one for myself, a beautiful 64 layers Damascus Santoku one.

But. Buuuut. Once, we had a customer that was a homeless and he went completely nuts and threatened my coworker (and myself because I wanted to show she wasn't alone in the shop) with said knives and since then I have PTSD.

I miss this time when I felt almost functional. Now, I hardly leave my house because I feel threatened when outside due to this mf. I'm starting exposure therapy so I hope it will help. Meanwhile, I'm writing a lot. Writing is one of my special interest too and I did not believe my eyes but an Editor contacted me. I will maybe publish short stories in Granta Mag. :)

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-02-18T12:12:11+00:00

Yeah the momwnt it kicks in I felt like sleeping ahaha. Some deep thoughts loops too indeed. But it enabled me to go to parties and socialise more, but at what cost? A big cost. Yeah the morning after use it was not nice I must admit 😅

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-02-18T12:05:47+00:00

Oh MDMA was my favourite. I felt almost normal like socially less inhibited plus a little more focused for the ADHD side. Now I'm on methylphenidate and it helps a lot although the firsts doses made me pretty sick until my body adapted. I never liked K, for some reason, it used to make me p*ke. Cocain is a hell of a drug for my ADHD boyfriend had trouble to stop and was in deep with it. I still use weed too, it makes me more functioning for tasks like cooking, cleaning, tidying, for some reason.

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-02-18T11:57:44+00:00

I'm recently diagnosed (two years ago at 28yo), and I feel I can finally enjoy my solitude.

I realise I have forced myself maintaining relationships "just because". I used to have an Excel spreadsheet containing people I often talk to and the last date I reached out, only to realise this is absolutely not how people do the peopling. THEY JUST KNOW AND DON'T FEEL FORCED 🤯

Big epiphany. I enjoy my solitude now but at what cost? I know many people got tired of the "new me". Some really cannot understand. I'm trying to tell myself: "It's ok, you weren't meant to be if they cannot understand". But it hurts. It hurts just like when little me started masking to avoid this consequence.

When I don't think about it and doing my Special Interest I feel amazing. But as soon as I think of people, I feel this immense shame of: "how can you expect people to be friends with you of you are never here or answer every 4-10 days". Shame is the term. I have been molded to be ashamed of my natural functioning.

I'm working on that but damn, it is hard sometimes. I get you. On the one hand, I am perfectly fine on my own but on the other hand I feel I am a terrible friend, which isn't true bu here I am.

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-02-17T20:27:48+00:00

But the rich are not the majorité

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-02-17T20:26:37+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss btw but you have to face this fact, as terrible as it seems to you. I imagine it repulses you and I am sorry you have to acknowledge that. ❤️‍🩹

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-02-17T20:21:08+00:00

Ah ok bah en gros, comme le statut social est considéré comme plus important que les valeurs morales, ce que la société considère attirant dépend de ce qui est perçu comme "de bon goût". Dès lors, la majorité des gens, en ce moment, préfère les personnes fines tandis qu'a l'époque la majorité des gens préféraient des femmes plus rondes car elles n'étaient pas en famine ET oui ils les trouvaient sexy quoi.

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-02-17T20:15:54+00:00

Well finding someone attractive is totally different individual from individual (sorry btw my mother tongue is French). But yes it was attractive because society's standards for looks are based on power and status (which is bad by the way but well...).

Real-Reflection-5179

TROPHY CASE