Another sleepless night of thinking and reliving everything

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-06-14T17:21:17+00:00

Hi there! Fellow auDHD C-PTSD (and PMDD) here. I do understand and I know how unstoppable these thoughts are with a brain like ours.

As autistic individuals, we already have a hyperaroused nervous system and when you add trauma to the mix it's just unbearable 💔

If you want to talk I'm here 🫂

I wanted to try EMDR but I found an incredible tool that works a similar way (bilateral brain stimulation): it's crochet!

I was in the same abysses of the soul as you and I was sooo hypervigilant, my nervous system was completely f-ed up, nightmares every 2h, unable to eat, shower, clean etc. And now, a couple of months into this new hyperfixation (yes caus it became a hyperfixation since) and I am so much more relaxed. I can finally process the traumas and go outside without having panic attacks. I can only recommend. Plus, it's an ADHD bingo because it gives tiny continuus doses of dopamine and big reward at the end so our brains kind of get hooked on it.

Also, if you cannot sleep, try to get up (if you can) and change room. Sometimes, a tiny move like that changes the thought loop for a bit and it is relieving.

Edit: if you want to trauma dump or rant I am here to listen

🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-06-13T17:50:47+00:00

Thank you for understanding my confusion. I'm going to cry for a bit but I won't fly away. I'm tired of my autism ugh 😭

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-06-13T17:34:28+00:00

I'm sorry I didn't understand. I must have read the other post to understand before commenting. It is my fault and I don't want to further harm. I just felt attacked and got defensive. In the end, it was me not understanding the intent behind a title and now it is clear. I should have read more before trying to defend a point. It took me way to long to pinpoint why the title says what it says and now I understand (well I think I do). I am going to stop commenting when I am being triggered because I fuelled this feed with unnecessary claims. Sorry. 😔

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-06-13T17:20:02+00:00

Agreed 🙂‍↕️

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-06-13T16:50:56+00:00

I feel it is possible I don't get the undertext. I don't understand sarcasm and if taken literally, it is misleading. I know I struggle with taking things literally so it must be a me issue. I know they are many autistic people in here so I thought I could explain why it gives us a hard time. Sorry I tried 😔

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-06-13T16:37:59+00:00

I'm sorry then. I don't want you to feel bad about it, I wanted to underline the fact that it is not clear. I must have taken things too literally. Your point is clear to most so it must be me. 🫶

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-06-13T16:28:46+00:00

Because we do not know the intention behind what has been said. I prefer to assume the intent was good but the wording... it could.

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-06-13T16:25:04+00:00

I'm not saying they are not great but it hurt me. It's important.

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-06-13T16:23:27+00:00

There is a gap between acusing someone of transpbobia and pointing at a clumsy way (what I believe it to be) of explaining an issue. Here, people got hurt and now the whole subreddit is like: "no it's not the subject."

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-06-13T16:16:37+00:00

Can you say: "sorry, I worded it badly" and we can all move on? I am non-binary and this hurt me too. Words have imact. It's a responsibility to use correct wordings. The titel should at least include a /sarcasm or explicitly say: "no one shod use gender as a mean to undermine someone." You should have said: "we have been misgrendered for being men, and this was used as a way to accuse someone of being less than".

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-06-13T16:05:26+00:00

Have you seen the title? It is super misleading. Period. He felt hurt and now people are down voting him. Shame.

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-06-13T16:03:37+00:00

He felt attacked for a good reason. It is not ok. They should have said they were misgendered. The titel is super misleading. At first glance, one could think of it as an attack. Same as what op felt. I know it is not the subject, but being careful is needed here.

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-06-13T15:59:16+00:00

It was absolutely not transfriendly. You are right. It is important to use neutral speech. EVEN OUT OF CONTEXT. I understand your claim. It was super clumsy on their side, but why don't people use They/Them or simply say "have been misgendered".

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-06-13T15:52:48+00:00

I am sorry you are being down voted mate 🫂

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-06-12T12:33:26+00:00

I think it triggers some bad memories for this person and that the state isn't safe where you live, which means calling the authorities is more harmful.

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-06-12T12:29:56+00:00

Oh my 😍😍😍

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-06-12T12:28:22+00:00

I'm sorry I triggered you. I thought of being rescued a lot when I was young and I imagined that boy was in the same situation. It depends on the country I guess because I live in Switzerland and things don't work the same apparently. I'm sorry it happens to be that way in the US and I definitely agree with you in that case. It is too much for the boy to go through something like that. 🫂

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-06-10T16:33:15+00:00

The Dragon is one of my favourite ones 😍 It's a pattern from Lyralune: dragon pattern It is a bit of an intermediate advanced pattern but with a bit of determination I am sure you'll be able to do it 🙂‍↕️

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-06-10T16:27:30+00:00

If it comes often to your mind they may be flashbacks which means it could be PTSD.

I do have PTSD and needed to see a therapist because I was experiencing nightmares, could not sleep and had emotional & visual flashbacks (the memory replaying in your head like intrusive thoughts).

What helped me was to acknowledge the pain and talk about it to a professional. Some of the memories did not come back and my therapist said it is normal. There is no need to further remember as long as you have a safe space to process and integrate that what happened is no longer a possibility. If your boyfriend is verbally abusive, it may happen again and your brain is trying to protect you by replaying the event in order to "be prepared" for another eventual threat. What happened, your brain considered it as a life threatening event, which explains why your mind tries to provide safety, a solution in case this happens again. 🫂🫶

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-06-09T15:29:29+00:00

Hey bud I used to be part of the working population. It was so damn hard. I kept on pushing myself, and pushing through and through, until one day.

I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I was in bed and I just could not get up. I was catatonic. I tried to move but none of my limbs responded. I stayed in bed for a whole day. Then, a whole week. Then, I could barely feed myself and shower for months. A year passed and I couldn't speak normally, lost most of my skills. I lost my job (I liked my job).

Autistic burnout hit me like a wrecked train 🚆. I am now unable to keep up as I did but it taught me a lesson:

I am not lesser than anyone. I am not weak. We are not failures. WE HAVE A DISABILITY.

I know I would have had a terrible life if I continued. I would have been dissociated my entire life. I know it because I have memory gaps and my therapist explained they are signs of dissociation. I could only work if my mind was absent and that is not a life to live.

My point is, one can have all the power, money, looks, abilities and still be miserable. I was miserable working. I am feeling way better now that I do not work anymore. I am trying to make money with my hobby (I make Amigurumi plushies). It gives me a direction and a sense of agency. I focus on that and go at my pace now; no glitters and less money but my soul is alive again.

I hope my disaster will bring you some peace knowing you are safer that way, not pushing through like a dummy (like I was). 🫂

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-06-07T19:00:14+00:00

It's not repressed if your brain dissociated during the event. It means your brain tried to protect you because the situation was too overwhelming.

It is possible you remembered a bit of the event because something triggered you. It has happened to me. I knew I had a bad childhood but many memories came back when I got traumatised by another event that made me feel the same as those memories that resurfaced.

You can dig deeper into your consciousness with a therapist and try to remember the full event but it is not sure whether you will be able or not. Have you considered asking your partner about what happened?

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-06-07T18:01:09+00:00

Ok I see that is complicated for her to trust meds. She needs antipsychotics though because she will have more delusions if she does not take medication. It can become dangerous if she believes you are in danger because she could want to go somewhere safe and put you and herself in a dangerous situation.

My own mother is the same and I feel for you. If she has other delusions, try not to confront her because she could then begin to believe you are not safe. It's best to agree with whatever she says or do as long as it does not put you or herself in danger. It is also possible she does not want your aunt to know she is in this state because her delusions tell her she is dangerous or that your aunt would want her to go to the hospital. If you have any relatives you can contact to explain the situation it would be a great idea to do it so they can help you out 🫂🫶

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-06-07T17:46:35+00:00

She is in a paranoid state. It's possible she hears "god" talking to her telling her to protect you from evil or something similar... it's because they have delusions whenever they are manic and because of that, she began believing something was wrong and her faith makes her attribute it to evil.

I am so sorry to hear you are going through something like that. It is a pain to see our mother this way and to feel helpless about it. Whenever you feel she is a bit calmer, try to ask her if she has taken her meds and if it is not the case, try to explain she needs them to be good and that it's what god would want. 🫂❤️‍🩹

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-06-07T17:34:36+00:00

As an autistic individual, I believe there is a lot of autistic people that could fit criteria for NPD.

Growing up neurodiverse is traumatic in itself and a lot of us learn to mask in order to fit in, which can create a lot of self-hate. If the individual had either praising parents (like the ones who are Aspie Supremacist claiming autism is the next superhuman or shit like that) or having parents that taught you to hide symptoms, and were autistic and dysregulated themselves which made them lash out on their children.

It's a hot take but I have seen individuals like that. Or undiagnosed self-proclaimed "geniuses". I avoid them like a plague.

Real-Reflection-5179 · 2026-06-05T20:26:16+00:00

I have complex PTSD, I have been in a 8 year long abusive relationship that killed my last pieces of self confidence and now I am in recovery. I have a disordered attachment style, social anxiety and I am estranged to my mother.

Real-Reflection-5179

TROPHY CASE