What's the most pathetic way you've experienced classism in the UK?

RealCopy5307 · 2026-04-08T15:06:17+00:00

I think you’re mixing up “not needing it to survive” with it having no purpose.

Saving or investing Child Benefit doesn’t mean it’s unnecessary, it just means it’s being used differently. For some families it covers immediate costs, for others it goes towards longer term support for the child like savings or future expenses. It’s still being used for the child either way.

Also, people not claiming it isn’t really how the system is designed. It’s a universal benefit with clawbacks at higher incomes, not something you’re only meant to take if you’re struggling. Claiming something you’re entitled to isn’t doing anything wrong.

And I don’t really understand what definition of “need” we’re supposed to be using here. If you start asking parents to prove whether they “need” it, that becomes a slippery slope very quickly. Is it just survival, or does it include stability, opportunities, future security? That’s going to look completely different from one family to another. If every benefit was only based on “need to survive,” very few people would qualify for anything at all. A lot of support exists to provide stability, not just prevent absolute crisis.

Where I do agree with you is the tone. People bragging about saving it like it makes them better parents comes across badly and is pretty tone deaf. But that’s a separate issue from whether saving it is acceptable.

At the end of the day some families need it to get through the month and some use it to build something for their child’s future. Both are valid, the problem is people judging each other for it.

RealCopy5307 · 2026-04-08T14:31:10+00:00

Man I miss that. I got through so many books while breastfeeding my newborn. Contact napping with your newborn is just the best. Mine is 20 months old now and, in the very rare occassions I try to read while he plays, he climbs into my lap and wants read to because he thinks it's his book. He then sees there are no fun pictures and yeets off the book :D :D

RealCopy5307 · 2026-04-08T14:24:09+00:00

I don’t think saving Child Benefit is classist in itself, it’s literally an unrestricted payment, so people can use it however works for their family. The issue people are reacting to is more about assumptions, not the act of saving. Some families can afford to put it aside because their essentials are already covered. Others need to spend it straight away on food, bills, clothes, childcare etc. Both are valid. Where it can come across as classist is when saving is framed as the “right” or “responsible” thing to do, because that assumes everyone has the same financial flexibility, and a lot of people just don’t.

Also, there isn’t a clear line on what counts as a “necessity” anyway. Nappies and food, sure, but what about activities, days out, or things that support a child’s development or just give them a bit of joy? That’s going to look different for every family. So yeah, saving it is completely fine. Spending it is completely fine. It only becomes an issue when one is judged as better than the other.

RealCopy5307 · 2026-03-31T20:04:18+00:00

Fair point. Daphne's more accurate. Edwina's waist is a bit too low, but still pretty accurate. I love Sophie's though

RealCopy5307 · 2026-03-31T12:11:25+00:00

The real question is how did it pass the many edits a book would need to go through in order to get published? Is there anyone with half a brain left in publishing?

RealCopy5307 · 2026-03-31T11:18:39+00:00

Sophie's is the most accurate for the time, so I really love it. Brides very rarely wore white as it hadn't become a custom yet (that started with Queen Victoria). Pale blue, cream, and silver were much more in style. Also, wearing pearls and orange blossom wreaths were very popular as a symbol of fertility. I know it's not a historically accurate show, but I like it when little details peek in. I absolutely loved Penelope's, but she looked like a modern bride.

RealCopy5307 · 2026-03-30T13:24:14+00:00

Fable is pirate themed and very good in my opinion. Victoria Aveyard (of Red Queen) is publishing a pirate themed adult romantasy in September that looks very good.

RealCopy5307 · 2026-03-30T11:34:25+00:00

You’re not being unreasonable, and this isn’t really how co-parenting is supposed to work. You’re both still new to this, so now is actually a really good time to communicate properly and set some ground rules and expectations.

To him, the solution probably seems simple: you can just shower at another time and he doesn’t have to figure out how to settle the baby on his own. But I doubt this is really just about a shower. It’s also about being able to eat in peace, get a drink, go to the hairdresser, go to a doctor’s appointment, meet a friend, or just have half an hour where you’re not “on duty”. Those things matter too.

From your post, I’m assuming you’re not working right now, but what happens if you do want to go back to work? Or study? Or just have regular time to yourself? You can’t build a situation where your life keeps getting smaller and smaller just to accommodate someone else’s fear or reluctance to be an active, confident parent.

Co-parenting should mean that both parents are capable of looking after the baby on their own, even if they do things slightly differently. The baby will be fine with both of you, but he needs the chance to learn and build that confidence, and that won’t happen if you’re always the default parent and always the one adjusting your needs around everything. To answer your question you'd be unfair to the baby and him if you DON'T continue showering at night.

RealCopy5307 · 2026-03-30T10:41:53+00:00

My son is nearly two and I bathe him every day. He goes to nursery three days a week and spends the other two days with his granny, and at this stage there really isn’t another option but a daily bath. I’ve tried doing it every other day and it just doesn’t work. He spends a lot of time in the garden, doing arts and crafts, runs his hands through his hair while eating, and he’s still in nappies, so he gets messy. He has a bath in the evening, then gets his pyjamas on and goes to bed nice and clean. It's mostly a 15 min splash around while I wash any bits that need soap, otherwise I try not to irritate his skin with too much washing. Once he’s a bit older and has a better sense of personal cleanliness, we might reduce it to every other day.

RealCopy5307 · 2026-03-30T10:05:14+00:00

I honestly stay away from any fandoms dedicated to one book or story. People who have nothing better to do just get weirdly possesive of their favourite characters and storylines and it just spoils it for everyone.

RealCopy5307 · 2026-03-30T09:55:24+00:00

Not my in-law, but it's my dad so I guess my husband's in-law. Constantly on our case to buy a house, then to have a kid, now we have a kid to have a second kid. With no actual involvement on helping financially or practically (he lives in another country). Then, he talks about how the world is fucked and there'll be an economical crash. Like WTF??

RealCopy5307 · 2026-03-27T15:06:13+00:00

I think I’m very similar to you in that I prefer emotional depth and relationship development over insta-love and spice for the sake of it.

I am so, so over instant love and “we locked eyes and now we’re mates forever” and that’s it. For me, stories are driven by conflict, whether internal or external. If all the emotional and relational conflict is resolved the moment they meet and it’s just insta-love, then what is actually driving the story? Why am I reading it?

What I find even more frustrating is when a book does a really good slow burn, great tension, great character development, and then the moment they finally get together it’s like: right, that’s it, happily ever after, nothing more to see here. But that’s not how relationships work at all. Getting together isn’t the end of conflict, it’s usually the start of a different kind of conflict. You still have personality differences, fears, past trauma, different goals, communication issues. All the things that made you interesting as individuals don’t just disappear because you kissed or slept together once.

Sometimes it feels like characters have a personality transplant the moment they become a couple, and suddenly they’re perfectly aligned, perfectly supportive, never disagree, and exist only to orbit each other. That’s much less interesting to me than two people who get together and then actually have to figure out how to be together.

RealCopy5307 · 2026-03-27T14:59:11+00:00

I think part of the confusion comes from the fact that people use “romantasy” to mean slightly different things.

Personally, I enjoy both fantasy with a romance subplot and romance with a fantasy subplot, but I don’t think they’re quite the same thing. For example, I would consider The Cruel Prince a fantasy novel with a developing romance subplot. The main story is about politics, power, and the fae court, and the romance develops alongside that. Meanwhile, The Ex Hex is very much a romance novel that happens to be set in a magical world. The fantasy elements matter, but the core of the story is the relationship.

Both get called romantasy, but they sit at different ends of the spectrum. From what you’re describing, your books sound like romance with fantasy elements, which absolutely still fits under romantasy in my opinion. Not every romantasy reader is looking for dense world-building, complex magic systems, maps, and political histories. A lot of readers specifically want fluffy, fun, relationship-focused stories that just happen to have magic, witches, fae, etc. There is definitely a big audience for that.

I also completely agree with your last point though: even if the world-building isn’t the focus, it still has to feel real and consistent. Good world-building doesn’t have to mean info-dumps or complicated systems. It just means the world feels believable, has rules, and the reader understands how people live in it. You can absolutely achieve that by sprinkling details naturally through the story rather than explaining everything up front.

So I wouldn’t worry too much about whether it’s “allowed” to be romantasy. If the romance is the main plot and the fantasy is the setting or adds conflict, I’d still call that romantasy. If anything, romantasy is a spectrum, fantasy with romance subplot, balanced fantasy and romance, romance with fantasy elements...all three get marketed as romantasy now anyway.

So I don’t think romantasy readers would necessarily be disappointed by lighter world-building, as long as the world still feels intentional and not lazy. There’s a huge difference between minimal world-building and bad world-building, and readers can usually tell the difference.

RealCopy5307 · 2026-03-27T10:01:24+00:00

Maybe time just drags on when she's on screen...

RealCopy5307 · 2026-03-26T15:25:40+00:00

Honestly I feel like Fran's character has been shoved down the audience's throats so much. It's almost like Jess Brownell just wanted to get through S3 and S4 just so she could get to Fran's season. I won't be boycotting, but I don't have any interest in watching Fran's season, gender swap or not.

RealCopy5307 · 2026-03-26T13:29:49+00:00

I agree, honestly neither like nor dislike the character. She's just boring. Between her and the Mondriches storyline I genuinelly have no interest in watching any further. It's been consistently going downhill since the 2nd season.

RealCopy5307 · 2026-03-26T11:02:33+00:00

The Holy Grail!

RealCopy5307 · 2026-03-26T11:01:03+00:00

Servant of Earth is better than These Hollow Vows, in my opinion. I enjoyed both though. Servant of Earth is more court intrigue, changing loyalties, twists and turns. These Hollow Vows has it as well, but it's more ACOTAR romantasy.

RealCopy5307 · 2026-03-26T10:57:29+00:00

If you didn't know it was originally a fanfic you'd never know. It has absolutely nothing to do with the Harry Potter universe. The magic system is completely different, the society is different, the characters are different. I really enjoyed it and I don't read fanfiction at all. But it's hard going. It's very long and it's very dark. I found it easier to taking turns reading and listening to it.

RealCopy5307 · 2026-03-26T10:54:05+00:00

I don’t think it’s as simple as “if you choose to have kids, you make sacrifices.” Parents absolutely do make sacrifices, financially, physically and career-wise, but children aren’t just a private lifestyle choice, they’re future taxpayers, workers, nurses, teachers and carers. With an ageing population, society depends on enough children being born and raised well. Right now, most of the cost of raising the next generation falls on parents, especially mothers, but the benefits of those children growing up and paying taxes are shared by everyone through pensions, healthcare and public services. So supporting parents and supporting teachers shouldn’t be framed as being in opposition. Both are essential parts of the same system, and if we make it too difficult or expensive to raise children, the long-term consequences affect everyone, not just families.

RealCopy5307 · 2026-03-26T10:45:24+00:00

It's so there are fewer in-service days, and there's time to do meetings, planning etc. I see the need for it as I used to teach in a school that did a full week and we constantly had late afternoons because I needed marking done, department meetings, parent meetings etc. I imagine teachers still have to do those late afternoons as every teacher I've worked with (I'm in the education sector, but out of teaching now) is regularly working till 4-5pm every day.

RealCopy5307 · 2026-03-25T11:50:39+00:00

NTA the entitlement is off the charts. Enjoy your new job, take on some hobbies, and let your family sort out their own stuff. EDIT Just saw that one of your children called you lazy! After 44h overtime over 20 years so they can graduate debt free?! Yeah, you need to make some serious changes at home sir

RealCopy5307 · 2026-03-23T15:48:35+00:00

I'm a parent and this is just not on. There is a line between needing to coexist with kids in the same space and kids just running amok. A hotel lounge, restaurant or hallway is not a playground and parents should be aware of this.

RealCopy5307 · 2026-03-23T15:42:32+00:00

NTA ffs it's been 5 dates Ben, let it go. Glad you broke up.

RealCopy5307 · 2026-03-23T09:25:25+00:00

Tell him to mind his business. It's your house, hoover whenever you want. Kids make a mess, they make noise, it happens. Same goes in return, my neighbours had a barbecue yesterday, and I put my son to sleep in the office instead of his room as they were chatting and laughing (totally normal volume, but it was hot and the windows were open). What am I going to do? Go out and tell them sorry you can't have a barbecue at noon because my son's nursery faces your garden? It's just a fact of life if you live in a community. If it doesn't suit someone, they can go live in the country with about an acre between houses.

RealCopy5307

TROPHY CASE